Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In-laws expecting me to host them

216 replies

saffyBoo · 15/10/2018 14:21

Am I right to be annoyed at my inlaws.
Yesterday went down like this In-laws were coming round to see us and the kids. I told them early-ish that morning that I wasn't cooking a Sunday dinner (we didn't even plan to previously but I just made it clear incase they thought they were getting fed) because I'm shattered and was up all night with two kids with sickness bugs and a baby teething, I had no sleep blah blah blah - we did a large brunch type fried breakfast around 11ish so kids were all full. I made it clear that they should eat before they came round earlier. I cleaned all the cooking mess up from brunch and dirty plates away with 4 kids that takes an hour. Inlaws turn up an hour later with food to be cooked, pizzas party food nibbles etc. So I ended up cooking all this food, serving it all etc. Cleaning away all the mess again, making numerous teas and fetching bits like napkins etc the stuff you do when your hosting. I was trying to be polite and smiling but secretly wanted to kill them. Why couldn't they just got a sandwich in the car lol 😆 I feel like I spend every weekend cleaning and hosting people mainly the in-laws... I might as well be a bloody caterer! Sometimes I think people.dont realize that I'm fucking knackered and NOT my jobs not to serve!!!!!!

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/10/2018 14:41

Two issues:

  1. Just speak up and ask them not to visit.
  1. my DH doesn't know the difference between the oven and fridge

He never will if you don't stop enabling him. Get the lazy sod up to speed.

Rezie · 15/10/2018 14:41

I'll echo the PP's. Why didn't your partner do it?

SaucyJack · 15/10/2018 14:42

Where was your husband in all this? He sounds like the problem.

Unless there’s a backstory, I’d imagine your ILs thought they were trying to be helpful in bringing some simple food around as you’d already said you weren’t well enough to cook a proper meal.

Original poster
saffyBoo · 15/10/2018 14:42

I just think they wanted to see the kids and that's fine but I did tell them how exhausted I was and that I wasn't cooking and to show up with food to be cooked is just rude. If they helped me fine but they basically shoved me the Asda bags and fucked off to play with the kids. DH was working the whole time. I just think I need to learn to spell shit out to people because no-one seems to understand that I'm running on empty

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 15/10/2018 14:43

Why didnt your dp do it?
Or
They brought it why didn't they chuck it in the oven?

Why do you have them every weekend thats madness. Dont you get time with kids to yourselves?

Why didn't you tell them on phone "We have a sickness bug. I am not up for visitors today do not come."?

Why didnt your dp tell them not to come? Who the hell wants visitors in that situation?

You need to sort out this hosting people every weekend. Its far too wearing with 2 kids and a baby. Plan to do something every weekend for a while. (Even if its just playing with kids at the park, just be 'busy'.)

user1489589714 · 15/10/2018 14:44

If you do feed and invite people around regularly, then unfortunately people often assume that you are happy to do this all the time. You have to cut that cycle.

Of course your partner should be doing most of the work seeing as its his family

Start disappearing before you think they might arrive. After all, you didn't invite them over for food, so there's no reason why you should be there. Go for a long walk. Ask a friend to ring you at a particular time and wander upstairs for a long chat. Go to the shop to pick up something, but take ages about it. Someone else will have to start serving in your absence. Afterwards, put your feet up and tell your OH with a wink that you'd hate to have to be the one to have to clean that mess up that his family left.

coconutpie · 15/10/2018 14:44

If your DH was working, he should have told them not to come. You have a DH problem.

Eilaianne · 15/10/2018 14:44

why didn't you explain that you've been up all night and aren't feeling 100%, then excuse yourself for a lie down or to deal with the kids, and leave your partner to host them?

(they are his parents i assume?)

LagunaBubbles · 15/10/2018 14:45

Stop focusing your anger on your in laws and start to think about what the real problem is, the lack of respect and support from your DH.

Original poster
saffyBoo · 15/10/2018 14:45

I think I realise what the actual problem is..DH hides behind"work" to get out of helping. If he's on his laptop in the office we all know to stay away kinda thing cuz daddy's working .... You know. I think because I do all the food preparation every day it just automatically falls to me in every situation

OP posts:
Thisreallyisafarce · 15/10/2018 14:46

Sorry, OP, but you sound like a total pushover. Stand up for yourself! Knock the visits without invitation in the head. If someone hands you food to cook, hand it back. Tell your DH to step up or you will simply go to your bedroom and his parents can fend for themselves.

Eilaianne · 15/10/2018 14:46

just spotted that your DH was working.
in which case you need to explain to them that you're running on empty, and won't be hosting them.

or go out. meet a friend in the park. have prior commitments.

you need to get your DH to put boundaries in place, it shouldn't be up to you to deal with them by yourself - and no, a "sorry" afterwards isn't going to cut it.

Original poster
saffyBoo · 15/10/2018 14:47

Your all right.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 15/10/2018 14:47

Only you can stop all this OP. They probably thought they were being helpful by bringing food but it would have been a good time to start changing how you are by giving them the bags back and saying that you weren't feeling great and that they could crack on it the kitchen.

Your DH is another matter entirely though, until you stop enabling his awful behaviour he isn't going to stop it.

user1489589714 · 15/10/2018 14:48

Okay I see your dh is working - I assume not from home.

So maybe start turning up on their doorstep with some food, tell them you got the food this time around, hand them the bags and relax and play with your kids while they cook.

Original poster
saffyBoo · 15/10/2018 14:48

I had cleaned up from late breakfast and just wanted to do fuxkk all LOL. Having been handed more food to cook etc just pissed me off. You know when your exhausted and ready to collapse on the sofa with a tea but yeah it didn't happen

OP posts:
Lucisky · 15/10/2018 14:48

I can't understand why anyone would want to visit a house where people are suffering from a sickness bug - I'd run a mile.

Aprilislonggone · 15/10/2018 14:51

I bet if you had checked his laptop not much work was being done.
Only one being done (over) is you.
You have morphed into his dm.
Bet that thrills you to know!
Next time ils arrive direct them to the oven and your dh while you go sit down.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 15/10/2018 14:51

Well you can start being more in control by saying that you're not cooking next Sunday and that you're having a quiet day in with the dc. Send a text today! You will feel empowered Grin

Original poster
saffyBoo · 15/10/2018 14:52

Grandparents seem to want to visit no matter what! Sickness bug, they are here, house being painted , they're here, diarrhea and vomit they come round. I think grandparents think their love is immune to getting the lurgy.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 15/10/2018 14:52

I'll (pointlessly since you've already agreed) echo the others - the problem is with your husband. I wouldn't tolerate any of that.

You shouldn't have even been involved in any of this - from the organisation, to the lunch, none of it.

floppyearsandtail · 15/10/2018 14:53

I'd have shoved the Asda bags on the side and fucked off, really!

Original poster
saffyBoo · 15/10/2018 14:54

And they ONLY message me because guess what DH never answers his phone to his mum 🤣

OP posts:
DreamsofJacaranda · 15/10/2018 14:54

I thought you were going to say that you ended up having to cook a meal for them - bunging a few pizzas in the oven really isn’t a big deal. However, I don’t understand why a) they didn’t help to clear up b) your DH didn’t do it , or c) why you didn’t tell them clearly when you called them that you had kids with a sickness bug and they should postpone their visit.

I would never visit anyone I knew was unwell with a sickness bug or anything else potentially contagious, unless the person was all alone and in need of help.

karmap · 15/10/2018 14:54

Not sure I could be married to someone incapable of bunging a few pizzas in the oven and then clearing up.

Swipe left for the next trending thread