To have lost so many friends lately - is it me?

[climbingthetrees]

I do get paranoid about this.

I haven’t had any arguments or anything but there never seems to be a good moment as they have small children. I’m starting to feel as if parents can’t be friends with non parents which I’m sure isn’t the case but it feels that way. Can anyone help??

It doesn’t sound like you’re doing anything wrong to me, unless your friends have cut you out completely. I remember a friend a few years back having a baby - I was keen to go around to see her quite early on, as this was the way I’d always done things with close people. When I messaged her, she said she and her husband wanted time alone to get used to parenthood and were going to let people know when they were ready for visitors. It wasn’t what I was expecting to hear, but it wasn’t meant as an insult to me - it turned out they only saw close family for the first few weeks. Maybe this is just a difference in expectations rather than anyone doing anything wrong.

Unless you have children, it's impossible to comprehend how completely parenthood takes over every aspect of your life. You might think carving out 2 hours once a week to meet up shouldn't be a problem, but when you have small children/babies, 2 hours of free time is often unheard of and impossible to manage. Even if by some miracle there are 2 free hours, as a parent you're often so exhausted all you want to do is take a nap. The thought of socialising is just too much.

I do think you should try to maintain these friendships so long as the other party is treating you kindly. Given time, your friendship will most likely get back on track. I think you need to shift your expectations a bit.