If pets had AIBU?

[recklessruby]

I am a year and a half old tabby girl cat. Aibu in thinking my human should stay here with me on her lap even though she is bursting to go to the toilet?
Aibu in thinking I should be allowed to sit on top of the laptop when she's working or on mn?
She's a nice owner but she keeps doing things that don't involve stroking me!

Biggie: AIBU to expect to sit on Daddy's lap whenever I want and for as long as I want?

Jayda: AIBU to expect to climb on and over Mum in the bed every night?

Gatsby: AIBU to expect to go in the bedroom with my people every night? And to go outside whenever they leave?

AIBU to moan at my mummy when i want a treat. I speak to her in my most polite moaning staffie speak but she keeps saying no. I dont think im unreasonable to ask for 10 treats per day.

Also aibu to moan and huff and puff until my mummy takes me for bedtime peepee? Sometimes she makes me do it for an hour 🐶

AIBU to leave my cat food alone and eat instead: Cardboard, plastic, human food, paper, string, and plants?

Aibu to expect my human to let me empty the bin all over the house when she dares to go out? She gets awfully grumpy when she comes into the mess and really it's her own fault for leaving yummy rubbish in the bin.

This will get to 999 posts. Human issues rarely get that far.

Let's see.

Terrier: AIBU to demand endless games of fetch at times such as when my humans are in the shower, at midnight, or still asleep in the mornings?

AIBU to treat every visitor as a burglar until proven otherwise?

Madam BrokenCat: AIBU to think my mum is totally BU to...the horror...GET ANOTHER CAT?! Also to only eat fish flavour food in gravy? Anything else is disgusting and I stare at it as if I had been served worms, and stalk away. Agree with RecklessCat, hoomins should never get up when I am on their lap, or do things that don't involve paying attention to me.

Mademoiselle: I was merely having a zoomy phase and managed to pull the curtain down. I may also have knocked stuff off the top of a cabinet and pulled fairy lights down. I was in a pen in foster care so my new home is a super exciting cat playground. AIBU? I don't understand why my new mum seems annoyed when I do these things.

G pig- Aibu to think my humans should stop opening the fridge if they aren’t going to feed me each time. It takes a lot of effort to squeak that loud and leads to major disappointment when the leaves aren’t forthcoming and they’ve just been getting milk out for their tea!

Cat 1: AIBU to stare through the cat flap until my human opens the door for me even though I know the cat flap works?

Cat 2: Cat 1 stares through the catflap and the human opens the door. AIBU to think if I do this the human should open the door to me too? Am I not staring long enough?

I'm a ginger Tom cat. AIBU to demand to be let in and out of the house every five minutes, regardless of whether it's 3 in the morning and the humans are asleep? I mean, I know I could just use the cat flap which is open 24/7, but I want to use the back door and I can't open it myself. Tell me a good reason why I shouldn't always get what I want regardless of how annoying or intrusive I'm being

Cat : AIBU to stay out for hours until my humans are mad with worry and then saunter in and use my litter tray?

Fishy - I'm already sick from all the food I've had. Oh look food! AIBU to suggest she doesn't feed me. I'm already sick from all the food I've had. Oh look food! AIBU to suggest she doesn't feed me. I'm already sick from all the food I've had. Oh look food! AIBU to suggest she doesn't feed me. I'm already sick from all the food I've had. Oh look food! AIBU to suggest she doesn't feed me. I'm already sick from all the food I've had. Oh look food! AIBU to suggest she doesn't feed me...

Dc1 - aibu to stay out for weeks until my humans are crazy with worry and then saunter in and use my litter tray??

Aibu to be annoyed my human keeps moving in bed? She says my weight is paralyzing her legs. What a drama queen!
Aibu to have adored one brand of food so she bought a box of 40 sachets but now demand another?
Aibu to get the best bit of this bed?
Agreed about cat flaps. I don't like that plastic flap near my head. I just meow till they open the door.

@Wobblybitts do we have the same cat? you've said days and time be said weeks

Evie:why can my slave not understand that in 'my' bay window, the middle one is only for entering. The side one is for leaving. Even if I've only been inside 2seconds so naturally I want to go straight back out again. Having to sit there looking gorgeous & outraged til she twigs & opens side window is v wearing.

Rabbit here, using owner’s log-in

My owner has wooden floors downstairs but has covered the stairs and landing in delicious chewable carpet. It's striped and plush. I have learned how to hop upstairs, no mean feat when your front legs are as short as mine. Owner now puts a stair gate up to keep me downstairs, like I’m a toddler. WTF, I am TWO!!

AIBU to gnaw through the gate and finish the awesome hole I was working on upstairs beside the bookcase? I feel certain there is a lovely burrow to be made up there. To give her fair warning, I was planning to do some thoughtful shits at the bottom of the stairs, just 20-25 pellets, firm ones, so she wouldn’t do the surprise-rage/shout thing she does. Thoughts?

aibu to be annoyed with my human when they go into the garden and don't come back with armfuls of mint, lettuce and dandelions?

Worse still, they don't always give me the largest dandelion so I go and take it from zebedee and then he takes mine and eats that, the nerve!

Hard done by Urmintrude.

Fish:

My cleaner comes once a week, sometimes twice. And every week she moves my stuff around. It’s a nightmare trying to find where everything is, my treasure chest and ‘gone fishing’ —ironic— sign are never where I left them.

I appreciate this is a first world problem but AIBU to expect that my cleaner just, y’know, cleans and doesn’t rearrange my habitat?

AIBU to sleep all day and then demand to be petted at 3am by meowing loudly in the human's ear? Also, she's started to complain at me when I shit in the litter tray when she's in the middle of her dinner. I was thinking of a protest shit on her bed but would that be too much?

As a leading figure in my friendship group of the tom cats who hang around by the ratty bits of the bins, I do my best to provide a varied diet of rodents and birds for my dependant minions who live in my house. However, not only are they fussy enough to turn their noses up at a totally organic headless vole, even when I have carefully placed it in the appropriate setting of the Sylvanian family village, my minions are also clueless at catching even the partially maimed training shrews I present them with. Honestly I know I am going to get flamed on here for encouraging fussy eaters and not giving my minions the skills to hunt for themselves someday, but any tips or tricks gratefully received.

Likewise, how can I train my oldest minion into better habits? Often she opens the front door for me to go out but forgets to turn off the rain. I always give her a filthy look, but maybe I need to try positive reinforcement, as sometimes even when I give her a second chance at the back door, nope, she can not to be arsed to do anything about the rain or the wind there either. Aibu to expect her to take this simple precautionary measure to safeguard the happiness of the master of the household?

Aibu to want a piece of what my human is eating, only to spit it straight out on the floor when I change my mind?

Guinea Pigs: AIBU to wheek at the top of our lungs at every bag crinkling? The humans shouldn’t be teasing us with the empty promises of food.

Also

AIBU to run from the human EVERY time they walk past? I know they clean me out, feed me every day and give me lovely head skritches but what if they’ve suddenly turned into a kidnapper?!

AIBU to decide that the same brand and flavor of cat food suddenly isn't good anymore even though my slave just bought a case of it?

Cat: when my human sneezes, the sound disturbs me so much that I must travel from wherever I am in the house and bite her firmly. If she manages to block me, I simply wait until she drops her guard and bite her then. AIBU to expect her just to cooperate with the biting process rather than drag it out for 10 minutes pretending I won’t find a way to punish her eventually.