If pets had AIBU?

[recklessruby]

I am a year and a half old tabby girl cat. Aibu in thinking my human should stay here with me on her lap even though she is bursting to go to the toilet?
Aibu in thinking I should be allowed to sit on top of the laptop when she's working or on mn?
She's a nice owner but she keeps doing things that don't involve stroking me!

Omg human just caught me napping on some black clothes. Apparently they are for work so she shouts my ears off with ELLIE!!!!!!! I need those for work.
Imo she should give up work whatever that is. It makes her grumpy as hell in the mornings when I want to weave in and out of her legs on the stairs. If humans were like us cats they wouldn't be so clumsy anyway. She nearly treads on me with her big feet too

My humans are such cheeky fuckers, I can’t believe they’ve locked me out the bedroom, I only scratched the wallpaper a few times.

Cat and Queen of the household here.

Those flat faced stinking mutts make so much noise when "playing" The humans do nothing and seem to think it's funny!

Aibu to run from wherever I am in the house howling and spitting, to give them a good whack on their bum so they shut up?

I know smacking is frowned upon but they aren't intelligent enough to understand my threats. Even when I do my stern, poofed up, arched back, sideways dance.

Jack Russell terrier:

AIBU to think my human is an utter moron because she doesn't get the risk that squirrels pose to us all everyday? I work tirelessly to ensure our garden and neighbourhood are squirrel free, giving up my spare time on the lookout for these critters and scare the little blighters off with most ferocious bark, only to be told 'shhh' or 'Borris stop'. I even give my owner a gruff little bark to ensure I have the last word, but it's totally lost on her. Is is me, AIBU?

Terrier: AIBU to think my human should never leave the house without me at any time for any reason? There are all sorts of dangers out there and she needs me to shout at them and make them go away.

Mutt: AIBU to think my human should be grateful for the effort I put in to keeping her safe, telling her when there is a potential knife attack/kidnap attempt outside the window? She refuses to acknowledge the dangers and tells me to be quiet. The facts speak for themselves. She has not been killed in her bed so why won't she acknowledge the effort I put in?

Husky: AIBU to think that just because I am a dog of size (the V-E-T says I weigh 90lbs) I should still be allowed to do everything the terrier does including sitting on my humans' laps?

AIBU to think that the dangly things between my humans’ legs are for me to play with, especially when he lies on top of my other human? ( not sure why they do it , but wish they would keep the noise down whilst I am playing) I also think that they were BVVVU to throw me out of the room, interrupting my lovely game!

My dog "AIBU to think it's ok to bark whenever I want ".

AIBU to expect my human to get up as soon as I shove my nose in her face? I know it's 5.30am and she's on holiday but c'mon I've got a lot to do today, things to chew, sunny spots to lie in, walks to go on. I don't know how I'm going to fit it all in if she doesn't get up!

Cat High Priestess Queen of Everything - Aibu to think the biscuits that come out of the machine thingy in the kitchen aren't edible unless I get my slave to come and point at them first? She just mutters "What's the point of having an automatic cat feeder if you still make me get up?"
I've been yelling "SARDINES! SARDINES! SARDINES!" at her ages now and she just says "Oh stop meowing."
Something tells me they might not give me the full burial rites and pyramid as befits my status when I go to join Bast. Gits.

EllieCat: AIBU to stand by the stair gate at the top of the stairs and meow until one of the humans opens it? I can fit through the gap at the side, but it's easier if the gate is open.

Also, AIBU to wake the humans up at 6am every morning for breakfast, even though there is dry food in my bowl. Apparently it's not right that I wake them up earlier than the small child, but I need one of them to come downstairs and top up my breakfast bowl!

PrincessTheHamster: AIBU to knaw loudly on the bars of my pent house so that my human can let me out and then put me back into the lower part of my cage where my food, water and toys are? I know I've blocked up my own access tubes with my bedding (obviously got to protect myself from foxes, coyotes and eagles while I'm sleeping), and while I am perfectly capable of burrowing back through it all, I just cant be bothered.

How dare the human slave take me to the vet just because I have manky smelly teeth! Pretty sure she has some evil planned for the future, she brought back a rattly bottle and was talking about going back next week

To Ravenlg G Pigs AIBU to run from the human EVERY time they walk past? I know they clean me out, feed me every day and give me lovely head skritches but what if they’ve suddenly turned into a kidnapper?!

We do that too, you never know what might have changed since they were last nice to us.

Love
Urmintrude and Zebedee

AIBU to expect my Mother to be able to turn the heat (outside) up or down when I want
I don’t understand why she refuses to turn off the water tap in the sky either when I want to go out and play
I yowl to let her know what I want but she ignores me

Dozingdog: aibu to expect cuddles CONSTANTLY!. I'm a 25 kg staffy cross and my owner REFUSES to allow me to lay on her knee 24/7. She has claimed I'm 'heavy' and 'smell' . She also has an issue with me licking her face

AIBU to do my extra special loud kitty whine at 6 every morning because I want my human to come downstairs with me and watch me eat biscuits for 2 minutes?? I'll come straight back upstairs and fall asleep on the bed for the rest of the morning, not much to ask is it??

AIBU to have spent 5 years teaching my humans that only Sheba will do (they've been through a lot of brands, bless them) yet still want to share what they're eating as well??

AIBU to hate hot drinks but to sniff them anyway, which makes me sneeze into the mug?? The humans get annoyed at me for this...

@TwentySmackeroos Try hopping over the gate – I bet you’ll make it! I didn’t know what I was capable of until I threw caution to the wind. As for burrowing, I feel you. My favourite movie is Shawshank Redemption.

AIBU to want to enjoy a good book now and then? And some drapes while I'm at it?

18 month old doberman - AIBU to wake my female human up by shoving my cold, wet nose into her ear/face/bum. All because I have been at my grandparental humans for a couple of nights and they let me get away with murder 'going to the toilet' several times a night, even though I can absolutely hold it until morning. I think my female human is BU to growling at me, telling me to fuck off and calling me a knob head!

Also AIBU to stand in the exact place my female human needs to be EVERY.SINGLE.TIME......she certainly thinks I am!

And AIBU to sit to watch and whine at my female human while she is using the toilet, she says it unnerves her but I just want to make sure she is safe and not lonely!

lemonade cat: AIBU to piss on mum's new(ish) carpet (even though my shitterbox is clean and accessible) while making eye contact with her and ignoring that funny sound that she's making at me.

I am a 7 year old tortoise shell and white cat.

AIBU to expect to be paid on a regular basis with salmon and roast chicken for undertaking pest control duties. I keep the mouse population in the neighbourhood well down and when we first moved into this house it was infested with the beastly things.. but not any more.

They don't even show appreciation and eat it nicely, instead they fight about who has to pick it up and bin it.

While I'm at it AIBU to expect them to have learned to hunt their own mice by now... seven years I've been trying to teach them .. a life times work wasted on those utter imbeciles. They're lucky I allow them to share MY house space.

Oh and they seem to think they own me... cretins

Puppy1- AIBU to not eat my own food then beg for yours?
Puppy2- AIBU ro think the humans take up too much space in my bed and should just give in and sleep in my basket so I can have all the bed
😂

And another.......

AIBU to want to sit on my female human when she is staring at the noisy box with my male human.....I'm only 36kg and not fully grown yet, there is absolutely loads of room on the two seater sofa for me to join them. My female human says Im heavy and that her legs go dead! Instead I have to sit on my, apparently, stupidly expensive bed!

Why doesn't my human understand that ornaments are meant to be knocked off shelves and the flowers on the windowsill are in my way?

AIBU to race down the stairs ahead of my human and almost trip her up every time? Surely scratching the top step on the new carpet isn't that bad? Love Rag the cat.

(This will out me to anyone who knows me)

EvilGeniusCat - known as CatBastard:

"AIBU to insist that my humans put my bowl of food outside on the garden table, so I can eat there, when I know I am going to eat a bit, then wander off and leave the rest there, to be eaten by the dogs and the local crows? Does it matter that they will have to either stay out in the garden to keep predators off my food, or keep refilling my bowl with the expensive catfood that is the only one I will eat?"

DDog2 - AIBU to want to sleep slap-bang in the middle of their bed, with my head on his pillow, hogging all the duvet under me, so they have to try to sleep, cold, and clinging to what is left of the mattress?

Ddog1 - AIBU to think nostalgically of the day when they left the cupboard door open, and I got to eat 4.5kg of dry dog food at one go, and to wish they would be that careless again, because two meals a day is just NOT ENOUGH??