If pets had AIBU?

[recklessruby]

I am a year and a half old tabby girl cat. Aibu in thinking my human should stay here with me on her lap even though she is bursting to go to the toilet?
Aibu in thinking I should be allowed to sit on top of the laptop when she's working or on mn?
She's a nice owner but she keeps doing things that don't involve stroking me!

JuicyLucy absolutely not BU. We all know humans keep the best food for themselves.
See my post about my male human keeping his sliced ham in the fridge.
I can't open that with my paws.
Ellie x

DDog1: AIBU to sleep in my own bed at night and not under the quilt with the humans? I am a high and mighty queen after all.

DDog2: AIBU to want to live with my dog walker instead of these muppets?

Both: AIBU to want to send this tiny human back that they've brought into the house, this wasn't discussed with us and she's much too loud and takes away our attention!!

AIBU to meow at mummy’s bedroom door at 3am til she opens it and then demand an hour of being stroked whilst she dares to sleep! Doesn’t she know she’s supposed to do that during the day. She turns over and ignores me!!!!!!! I mean the abuse I suffer at her hands. How could you not want to stroke me for hours at 3am!

Terrier 1 - AIBU to steal all the toys and bones, the occasional sock or pair of underwear and basically anything I can get my theiving little paws on, and hide them in my bed, standing guard over them should terrier 2 DARE to want any of MY toys or bones. Further to this AIBU to sulk, and try and steal them back when my human removes them from my safe keeping?

Terrier 2 - AIBU to pretend I'm deaf these days, (I am getting on so I could be, don't care what the vet says) and ignore all attempts to get me in from the garden, whilst my hearing is good enough to hear the dogs from the farm up the road bark and answer them? Also am I BU to do this, then when I'm eventually persuaded inside, to shit on the floor because obviously I didn't have time amidst the conversation I was having with said farm dogs?

Horse - AIBU to warn my human of the huge dangers that exist in the hedge row between my field and stable by stopping dead, snorting and trying to drag her away, despite the fact that I am of a certain age now, and mostly retired because apparently I have arthritis in my leg, which should make me less agile. I mean how can she not know about the horse eating tree?! Quite obviously when I nibble the bark and leaves from it some days it's fine, it's just sometimes it's going to eat us, I don't know how she doesn't realise!

Now, I know I wasn't being unreasonable here but mommy did tell me off a bit. Mommy hoomin left out the packet of ham after she made her sandwich for 'work' the next day.

I used all my hunting skills and found it. I managed to nibble bits from nearly every slice! The lid of the pack forcing the way, I could've had more!

Thank fuck for this thread....I'm a 2 year old small dog.

My female human is definitely narc. I do bloody everything she tells me but she cannot handle me acting on my own initiative and has to make a fuss -telling the lovely man human that what I'm doing is wrong. This is because she can't take the credit for "training" me to do these things and sit glowing in the praise from the handsome bloke as I did it and without her say so.

Yesterday was a prime example. She was sat on her fat arse reading as I came in through the cat flap from the garden, bringing my still warm crap I had just laid with me -so it can be dealt with and save her from getting off her lardy backside to pick it up (or more likely left til it hardens and she will send the gorgeous man out to do it) She starts moaning about me !!-
"Oh for Christ's sake, she's brought in her own shite in her mouth now like a sodding cigar"

I don't have hands woman! How else am I supposed to get it in through the cat flap?

Of course the male human (who has the most fabulous scented socks after a day at work) starts laughing at her. I bet she didn't like that! Of course he got up and put it in one of the wee bags they use to...I don't know..store it? That man is a saint -he does everything for her. She gets to come out on walks with me and have fun -even in the rain she does it and he has to stay and do all the rubbish stuff like have a long hot wash (poor bastard- I bet she has "trained" him to do that) or watch that moving noisy picture on the wall ...meanwhile she is getting to sniff what has been going on locally (she's very subtle about that) or spread her scent on the grass.

I have no idea what he sees in her. He is totally a wonderful specimen of humanity and while she is fine to follow round and look at lovingly during the day - once he gets home I really notice the difference in them and I can't help but just love him wholeheartedly and do my best to ignore her. She is always in the kitchen doing stuff on the countertops - no idea what as it is too high for me to see- or putting their blankets and coats in the square thing with the round hole, then it beeps and she takes them out again...but now they are wet? WTAF? and she sprays stuff and wipes stuff and pushes a noisy thing about that takes any smell away (usually after I have put a great deal of time and effort -along with the smaller humans - to make smell of home and us) It must drive that hunk of alpha male nuts.
He does amazing stuff like drop bits of his biscuit "accidentally* (cheers doll!) or leaves his pants and socks for me to smell and chew (unless she gets to them first - she doesn't even appreciate them! she moans about it! ) He lets me sit right up on his chest and if he nods off I can help myself to any crumbs he has left in his hairy bottom-part-face (beard?) , His trousers(around the bum part) make great noises and then they send out a waft of lovely smell...she moans about that too!!! She just is never bloody happy. I could go on for hours about how amazing he is and how she has no idea how good she has got it
BUT my AIBU is... to want her to do going out during the day and for him to be here instead. He could do the fun stuff with me then and I will guarantee he won't do all the shady and frankly fucking annoying stuff she does that spoils his house! He also would never shut the door of the toilet or bathroom in my face when he goes in. I only want to know what she is doing in there and be there to help her if she falls down the big hole she sits on (unlikely I know...have I mentioned her great big arse that takes up most of the seat in the living room so I have hardly any space to get comfy when I sit beside her?..which is a bloody favour to her to help keep warm as I could just go and sit on any one of the empty couches ... I don't want her getting cold when she is having one of those sweaty times that make her face turn red and talks about her "horrormoans" ! She isn't wrong about that...she has plenty horror moans!)

Husky again: AIBU to think they should keep me supplied with fresh water? Hooman 1 gets up in the morning and puts fresh water in the bowls in the living room and kitchen and the terrier can drink his fill from them. By the time Hooman 2 and I get up 20 mins later both those water bowls are past their best. AIBU to expect them to refill the bowls for me and, if they don't, then they shouldn't complain when I use the water fountain in the bathroom. I don't complain about them peeing in it or using it as a toilet so why can't they live and live?

Periperi I luffs my man hoomin more than the lady one too. Apparently I hide it well.

Once, lady hoomin was in the big thing of water, washing I believe. Man hoomin goes in. He has to be supervised! I squawk to be let in, but I didn't realise lady hoomin was in the bath. So I gave her a filthy look and squawked to be let out.

(Pampered Misty's mommy speaking now). OH just needed a wee while I was having a bath, not come in the bath with me!

Dog; AIBU to think she's rude and ungrateful to shout "you ginger wankshaft" at me when I've gobbled up a catpoop from the litter tray, vomited it back up on the dining room floor and sit smiling waiting for her to come home? It is a gift ffs. A gift of love! And look at my majestic waggly tail, swishing in and out of the puke-poop puddle and spreading it further.

Cat 1; AIBU to say that nobody is allowed to touch my toebeans? Every time I sit on the human's faces they rub my belly and try to touch the precious toebeans which makes me simultaneously purry and stabby.

Cat 2; AIBU to ask lady human not to shout "get those fucking razorblades off me" when I sharpen my claws on her jeans?

Cat 3; Some twat wiped the eyeboogers off my face today so I stabbed her with my claws. Now she won't feed me tuna. AIBU?

Cat 4; Mini human wasn't eating it's toothpaste. I ate it for him. Lady Human went batshit and said I must not be allowed to eat more toothpaste. She's never taken me to the dentist. AIBU to care about dental hygiene?

AIBU for peeing on the vets floor as I leave every single time after I get my yearly jags.
Mummy can walk me as long as she wants before we go in but I still make sure I keep enough back to make my protest knowen.

WTF, she is looking after that bloody big black dog again, it sniffs everywhere and eats my food,
I swore at her this morning when she tried to change the bed, she is so inconsiderate, and to top it all that stupid ginger boy that lives with us goes for walks with her and the dog.
I'm going next door for some R & R and some much needed sympathy for my untenable situation.

Idon'tbelieveinthemoon my hoomin brushes my teefs! It's a meaty paste. She's a right cow. I get then done before she feeds me breakfast!

AIBU to sit on my human’s chest purring at 3am every time my other human spends a night away for work?

AIBU to start fights with another cat, fall in the pond, and soak my human’s bed?

AIBU to poo in my human’s herb garden?

My Dad moaned at me because I licked his elbow at 3am. I think I was doing him a favour. It's not like he can lick his own elbow is it?

Is he being unreasonable to make me sleep elsewhere?

Kitten: AIBU to miaow at the humans like I've never been fed in my life every time they sit down to eat something? Mummy human has given me the tiniest slither of ham on the floor but she's sat eating a huge bowl of ribs, I only got a tiny nibble or those delicious succulent ribs that are bigger than even I am before she ousted me to the floor. I'm finding it very upsetting that they do this to me every tea time. I can't help myself, my belly is just soooo rumbley....

Gatsby: AIBU to think that every time there is food I should have some? (Gatsby starting Day 1: You has food? I like food! I can has food? He is improving.)

Jayda: AIBU to not like anyone in the house except Mum?

Hi fellow pets - YogaDog again.

So, in my living room there are two sofas. One is mine. All mine. I don't want to share and for most of the day I don't have to. But after I take my humans on their evening walk they seem to want to share MY sofa. It's outrageous! I'm not totally heartless - there is another sofa but they insist on sitting on mine. AIBU to want exclusive use of my sofa throughout the whole day?

Dog: AIBU for peeing in my bed this morning because it was cold and raining outside and I didn't want to get my paws wet.
I could have peed on the floor but I know how much my owner loves playing with the washing machine so thought I'd do it there.

YogaDog's human servant here - just want to clarify that YogaDog uses her not inconsiderable strength to actually push the smaller members of the family off "her" sofa.

Anyway better go and feed her - she's fixed me with me her impressive unblinking "feed me human" Pooh stare.

My human was quite nice tonight actually. They had yummy ice cream from the big car that makes noises, and mammy human let me lick some off her finger and gave me the scummy end bit. Yum.

Aibu to bark at the horses/dogs/pigs/meerkats on the big noisy square the humans Like watching? They're in MY living room. It's MINE. How DARE they? When I growl at the big Lion on the adverts the humans laugh and tell me it'd eat me alive. No it wouldn't. I'm ferocious!

Aibu to have a bedtime routine? Usually I sleep on humans bed but as its hot I'm on the settee til October. I insist I have my pillow on there, and insist my head is kissed and I'm told 'night night, I love you, be a good girl and see you in the morning' and am tucked in with a blanket, before I sleep.

Aibu to decide 4am is morning time, run upstairs and jump on the bed, until dad gets up and let's me out. Im.awake then so want to play and have hreakfast. Once the humans get up at 5/6am I then curl up on the chair or setee and have a snooze until mid.mornimh. well, I was up early! The humans can sleep at 'work' (it must be fun, they're always there). Me and the older human have an afternoon nap too.

I really needed a poo this morning and I was frightened to go into the garden because there was a big stranger on a ladder spreading white, smelly stuff on the wooden bits that go round the see through bits.
I went in my special place that has white stones in it, but I think I was too far in the corner as a little bit went over the edge.
Servant gagged and shouted

M: AIBU to say my human should stay at work longer? When she gets home at 6pm it’s slap bang in the middle of my 4th nap of the day and I hate being woken up unnecessarily. By no means should she be home later than 8:30pm however, because by that point I’ll be lonely.

I should also get dreamies at all times and if I decide to sit on my human, she should not move until I decide to move, regardless of what she may actually need to do. She also should not insist I move even if I do a really smelly fart.

Surely she’s BVVU to not comply with my every whim?

Guinea Pigs: I decorate my cage carefully with about a billion poos everyday. I have to wheek for extra veggies to pop out this many poos a day y’know! Then the hooman turns up with a big brush and removes them, replacing with clean, poo-free auboise. AIBU to think he doesn’t appreciate the work that goes into all my poo production? It is very under-valued.

AIBU to think that food in the bin is fair game?