If pets had AIBU?

[recklessruby]

I am a year and a half old tabby girl cat. Aibu in thinking my human should stay here with me on her lap even though she is bursting to go to the toilet?
Aibu in thinking I should be allowed to sit on top of the laptop when she's working or on mn?
She's a nice owner but she keeps doing things that don't involve stroking me!

My human, fucking idiot! He's a so called rockstar, so is his missis, am OK with that BUTT, they had a TV show and he totally dissed my culture, in MY FUCKING HOUSE and thought it was funny to kick me out.

He wouldn't, find it funny if I took his piss outta the loo and threw it out, would he?

He wouldn't be laughing if I picked up his shit in a plastic bag and gave it to someone else, would he?

But what gruffs my growl even more, his mate puts MY PERSONAL SHIT in a bin! Right in the friggin bin. MY SHIT!!

AIBU to tell him he can't diss my customs and culture like this AND steal his crap?

PLEASE HELP, SHARON IS GETTING DRUNK

Cat: All I wanted for Christmas are the souls if everyone who displeased me. What I got was bastard meal mix AIBU if I ended my human.

(Our cat is evil) I swear she kills homeless people

@OzzyPawsborne should've known you'd be here. I've bin watchin repeats of you and that titface idiot.

Only advice I can give you mate, shit in his shoe, piss on his pants then run and hide. If you can't find anywhere to hide gimme a growl and you can borrow my carpet bag. You can fit a lamp in there, and a spoon and medicine, you'll, easy fit in, no probs good-boy. Good luck, growwwwl and hugs

AIBU to be so absolutely fucking gorgeous that my slaves will wilt with sadness at my demise?
I am old and confused.
I am not sure if I’ve had my tea
I feel the need to be close to my chief slave at all times
I know that my chief slave won’t mind if I use my ‘emergency’ loo
AIBU to feel that I am very much loved and that after 16 years together I think I am special ?

@agnurse no, you're ok chappie, wanting to sit on his knee BUTTTTT YOU ABVVVVVVVVVU calling the idiot daddy

@KarlDilkington no mate, yous soundin dis awl wong OK? 3.am, kittens play, back doors OK, but mate you're grown up now, you gotta make it worth it. Wait til your idiot is in the shower, then SCREAM AS LOUD AS YOU CAN. Extra treats if they're naked and slippin around kitchen floor when they open dat der back door. Anything less than that YABVU, waste of my time watching for the funnies, I could be sleeping.

It’s been 90° outside all day...

AIBU in thinking my owners are such lazy bastards that they wait until the absolute second I’m asleep for the night before waking me up and saying we’re going for a walk. AND THEN! They only take me for the most pathetic walk ever as they’re such a bunch of babies, they’re too chicken to walk in the woods in the dark. At 11pm. The lazy bastards.

C'mon guys, you're letting the side down! But, my fluffy arse @TrudeauGirl! You are so lucky! I never had food I could steal, ever, snark. But you're really takin the piss, rubbin it in cos youv got a posh idiot aren't ya?

FLOOR! you've got a fucking floor? Like, a REAL FLOOR that you can stand in? Yeah?

We are so poor we haven't even got a house to put a friggin floor in! FFS

Grey Cat - AIBU to piss on the tea towels that accidentally get dropped on the kitchen floor, rather than in my litter tray? I think it’s totally fine, which is why I do it often, but my humans just give me such attitude after I’ve done it. I went one up and did a poo on one this week. Why my human keeps accidentally leaving tea towels on the floor I’ll never know😸

Parrots: AIBU to not eat the vegetables and dig through our pellets only eating the ones we like. AIBU to scream when mummy walks out the room to take the rubbish out?😁😁

AIBU to forget every time my humans open the door that I am actually terrified of the outdoors and everything in it, and always try to make a run for it anyways? Yes I know I get all of 2 feet and come streaking back because of sounds and smells, but I figure it's my feline right to at least try and get out.

Percy here from Sprocker Central....

Aibu that me and my brother Moriarty shouldn't wake MissusGeneHunt up at 3.30am to let her know there's burglars, then when she's clambered downstairswide awake, realise it was a huge mistake and feign deep sleep...

Mmm? Mmm? AIBU? I don't think so...

Border Collie: nothing makes me happier than when the fireworks go off at night and I get to terrify my human by launching myself onto her head. It’s for hers and my safety but the ingrate doesn’t seem to see it like that.

Staffie- aibu to think that all the food in the house is mine? Custard creams on the side...mine. Crisps they've opened...mine. The food from their plate...mine. Also aibu to throw a tantrum while they leave by spreading rubbish all over the floor and eating all the snacks they've tried to hide, do poos and wees just next to any pads left out even though they let me go outside before they leave, wait for them to get home and munch on the treats they left me. For some reason I'm shouted at and sent to bed?? This confuses me. Aibu??

Scottish terrier:

Aibu to assume that all visitors to the house, be they the gas man or the dominos delivery man, are here to See Me and demand they fuss me? I've already got the bin man trained. He always strokes me and gives me a treat from his pet.

Aibu to want the door open.all the time? I don't think so..im protecting my garden about invading birdies. If it's raining I don't want to go out and just sit by the open front door keeping an eye. My human then moans it's too cold. Aibu for thinking she's ungrateful?

Aibu to greet my human every single morning with a waggly tail, a toy and a bark? She mutters something about me being cute but it 'being too early'. It's NEVER too early.

I'm allowed on the furniture, except when wet, which I disagree with on principle. Aibu to jump into my humans seat when they leave for 2secomds? I then get comfy and growl a tiny bit under my breath when made to move.

Aibu to LOVE the car.?! Car means adventures! Humans can't even say car without me being excited. They've got to spell it. I always look askance when they say that - I know what they mean!

AIBU to have woken my humans up at 4:09am? I just wanted some attention . So as not to drip feed - I do this every single morning and repeat on a 20-30 minute cycle until the alarm goes off at 6:15am. I then eat my breakfast and go to sleep 'til midday 'cause I don't have to go work or anything.

Maverick - AIBU to be annoyed that my slaves have brought ANOTHER tiny little slave into MY house without even asking me. Granted the biggest one is kinda growing on me as she likes to share food but isn’t it a bit disrespectful that they didn’t ask. Plus, they just let it sleep on it’s own, and won’t let me lie underneith it’s bed to watch it (which isn’t my job anyway) so I have to lie in the hall outside the room!
THEN they have the cheek to give ME into trouble when I do my midnight bark to say goodnight to all my friends - manners cost nothing - I guess I was just raised differently 🤷🏻‍♀️

AIBU to think my humans are CF? They turned up their noses at the rat hindquarters I left by the glass doors and sat at the table eating junk food instead. Should I LTB?

Aibu - my slave keeps throwing me out of my favourite bed, even though it's soft and ideal to lay on. She says I'm getting hair on her freshly washed clothes, and she'll have to wash them again, but that's not my problem is it?

Aibu - my slave has started closing the upstairs windows when I go outside, which means I can no longer visit bedrooms to say Hi to the hamster, or try my balancing act along the outside window ledges. She says she's worried I'll fall, but as I'm a cat I almost never fall from anywhere!

Aibu to sulk that my owner won't buy more beds from the pet shop? She says she knows I really want one, but there's no point as my brother keeps peeing on them. I don't think this is fair, so I punish her by sitting in awkward places scowling at her. My favourite places are the ironing board,
in front of the TV sensor, or if she appears to be intently watching the TV I'll position myself where the subtitles go!

And my biggest aibu yet - my sodding owner has only put this awful plastic cone on me again! She says it's my fault because I rub round plants I'm allergic to outside, then scratch all my face when it gets itchy - the cheek! On the plus side, she gives me an extra treat each day now, although I'm sure she puts something inside it.

My owner refused to let me in with the dead mouse I caught yesterday despite me loudly and clearly announcing my presence outside the sliding door.

I punished her by looking her straight in the eye and chewing the entire head off and eating it whole. She then had to put her lunch down as I continued to slowly and deliberately eat the entirety of the mouse including the bones and fur right in front of her.
That’ll teach her.

AIBU to think that if I can remember that 10:30 is a treat time so could my human without the need for me to scream my little birdie head off for 10 min🙄

I know what you mean.. my slave wont let me shove my whole body in her face and drool all over her while she is watching MKR. She keeps on putting me on her lap when I want to be around her neck and in her face.

I mean do they not know how honored they should be that we give them attention?

And then she gets all miffy with me when I wee on MY couch and ends up giving me dirty looks and spraying this vile smelling concoction all over MY couch. Does she not know that that is the way I mark it to ensure everybody knows whose couch it is! Humans, if only I could use a can opener I would not need her.

Kitten:

My owner has just coated me in green washing up liquid following a tip from a fellow human. AIBU to piss all over her computer?

Yes tis ATAAT

Rocky the Chihuahua: aibu to bark everytime someone walks past my house? I don't think I'm BU but my owner def thinks so!

MozzieMagnet