If pets had AIBU?

[recklessruby]

I am a year and a half old tabby girl cat. Aibu in thinking my human should stay here with me on her lap even though she is bursting to go to the toilet?
Aibu in thinking I should be allowed to sit on top of the laptop when she's working or on mn?
She's a nice owner but she keeps doing things that don't involve stroking me!

These are the types of threads that make my heart happy 😍

What do you mean I can't walk all over your food while you are prepping for dinner slave. Nothing taste better than with a bit of my hair in it and yes you are quite right I have not cleaned my paws after vacating the litter tray.

The audacity of some slaves.

Pampered 11 year old house cat here: AIBU in demanding I get the cat litter my precious bitty needs? If I don't get it, I will go poop on the spare bed of my hoomin sister.

And.....they keep reminding me that the room isn't mine, that the hoomin is at university and does come back occasionally. Not fair! Why don't u get my own room?!

Dog: I just don’t understand why I can’t get on the bed with you ALL the time

Me: because dad doesn’t need to know I spoil you when he’s not home

Small house cat: Since I moved in, ive always been the boss in this house. No one tells me what to do- if I want to Scratch the big mother hoomin, I do and there’s no complaint. Tearing bits off the carpet? Yes there was shouting but I think it was yells of praise for my home improvement. Eating a moth and then spitting it out in front of them? A power display that I know they appreciated.

Something has changed in the past week though. The big hoomins pack up delicious snacks in boxes and bags for the small hoomins to take to ‘school’ every day. They do not make one for me. AIBU to think that until they make me one as well, that I am entitled to rip open each bag, taste everything and push what I don’t want off the counter for the Dog?

Jacqetta: Aibu to let down my regal name and completely forget that human servants don't open the door for me because every time I escape I climb to the very top of the trees and can't get down. Not a thick tree top someone can easily climb up and rescue me from but a thin wobbly one nobody can do anything about, requiring elaborate rescue attempts involving forklifts and long ladders. Every bloody time.

Sylvester: Aibu to make use of being tiny and hide like the ultimate ninja kitten and jump out scaring male servant who doesn't even like us cats anyway.

Franky: Aibu to think that actually number one servant doesn't really cook those delicious meals for DCS but for meeee and I'm not stealing at all especially when smallest servant actually pushes it my way

Jacquetta: Aibu to think it's totally reasonable for cats to have a bath with their human servant. It's so noisy and shiny as it fills and sometimes she even puts bubbles in it for me to pop, I don't know why isn't more grateful I sit on her shoulders and dip my paws in a certain order, it's an honour I tell you!

SecondPuzzledCat:

AIBU to torment next door's dog by stalking up and down outside the drive gates? He knows he can't get at me, but you'd think he'd appreciate the workout he gets from leaping around and barking

AIBU to worry mum by standing on the roof, yowling as if I can't get down? It's really fun to watch her run round for planks and ladders - even better when I can suddenly appear at her side when the hysteria reaches a peak

Babysharkdog: aibu to jump in the car every time my hooman goes out now she can drive her car. I just want to put my seatbelt on and paw the window til she puts it down so i get a nice breeze around my ears

AIBU to think any mousies I catch are mine and should not be confiscated?

AIBU to expect that if I wail on the roof outside the bedroom window my staff should get up and let me in whatever the time is?

AIBU to think that if the window is open with the insect netting in place, I am being perfectly reasonable to tear it and make a hole big enough to wriggle through if I fancy going out or comng in?

It all seems very reasonable to me but ,my staff seem to have a different view.

I am a smug cat. She gets up, I wail, she feeds me. I treat the house like a hotel, coming and going whenever I wish. I have places to hide, areas from which to survey my domain and comfortable beds in which to sleep. Apart from occasional humiliations when I am imprisoned in a box so that some evil human can sticks pins in me, frankly I live the life of Riley. I wouldn’t be a human for all the mice in my field.

Our humans have switched the sofas around. We don't like it.

I have spent the whole evening pacing around and crying, and my brother crapped on the floor in protest. Are we doing enough?

Stares at the dc witheringly ' when are the dc going back to school? The noise! In my day.. ' then a huge pained sigh

I think my dog is actually my dm, reincarnated. She sighs heavily, wants to to bed at 9.30pm...:)

2 year old Heinz 57 rescue dog:

They won’t let me lick the children in the face? I’m furious! AIBU?
AIBU to think that when someone visits they should greet me before any of the humans and make a fuss of me for at least 30 minutes before they do anything else?
AIBU to hate my owners for not taking me out 4 times a day?
They won’t let me lick the baby clean after she’s fed herself dinner! AIBU?
Most foods other than dry dog food makes me sick. They won’t give it to me anyway. AIBU?

Guinea-Pigs - are we being unreasonable to wait till the cavy-slaves have rolled up the dirty bedding, put down fresh paper and wait......until the fresh hay goes in, choosing that moment to hurtle back into the sleeping area.
Queue getting covered in hay , looking all Village Idiot and forcing the CaveySlaves to hoik us up to brush hay out of our eyes.

Dear departed GP2 (boar) Am I unreasonable to wait till my brother does the biggest pee puddle then for me to run through it . "I smell of pee and it's not even MY pee"

JaretsLittleDog: Aibu to fart loudly everywhere? I’m only tiny but everyone makes such a fuss every time I let one go.

JaretsBigDog: LittleDog keeps jumping on my head and insists on sleeping in my bed when hers is perfectly fine, I can’t fit in hers but I don’t want to cuddle with her, also, she stinks! Mum says I’m her big brother so I have to make exceptions for her...Aibu to be annoyed that she’s taken over?

I love this thread.

But who is answering these poor pets AIBU?

Should we write to dear Deirdre about the pet SOS?

I think all the pets are going to form a support group and meet up to meow bark chirp and scuttle and let off steam about their humans bad behaviour!

I sincerely hope they do as I think the answers may be better than the question!

OP you should take the lead

Why am I not allowed off leash to play with the other dogs having a good run around and playing? I feel left out because I can't be trusted to play nicely.

Nobody has ever let me free to have a good old dash. Why??

Baby cat : Aibu to wake mummy and daddy up by suckling on their noses while they sleep ?
Big cat: Aibu to watch my humans while they sleep sitting an inch away from their faces so when they wake up they nearly have a heart attack. Im only doing it to see if they are alive or if its ok to commence the feast but they shout at me everytime ungrateful humans
Both our cats have issues with boundaries particularly if we're asleep but we love their quirks and weirdness
Big cat is a rescue with a lot of sensory issues and is very wary of us so the fact she sits on our chests and watches us is endearing if not utterly terrifying.
Baby cat is also a rescue we hand raised so she still has a tendency to suckle everything including noses fingers and blankets.

Haughty tabby after 12 years: AIBU to move in with another family across the road, popping back home every two weeks or so to prove I’m not dead and to show off my fat tummy? AIBU to be disgruntled being taken to the vet as an “abandoned kitten” only for the chip to confirm I actually live across the road?

AIBU to be annoyed when I’m thwarted trying to lever a dead pigeon up through the cat flap? Wibu to succeed on a later occasion and tidily seat a dead pigeon on the stairs?
I’m like a dog in my wide-ranging tastes including anything on a plate, anything in a bin, and even a box of after eights that were inside two bags.

Aibu to
fight foxes for sport?
Stand on the newspaper you’re reading?
OWN all the cardboard?
Leave a squashed mouse as a calling card?
Nick all your hair bands?

Reigning here.

Skinny black cat (also 12 years): Need love. Neeeeed cuddles. Need to head butt your face. Need help grooming when I have dreads in my fur. Need the back door opened and closed all day despite cat flap.
So much love. All the love. Needy love.

AIBU to think that my human is mistreating me? That wheels black thing is by the door again. When that happens, Preferred Human disappears forever until she comes back. (Usually 3 days max, work trips). Non-preferable human is always here. Yeah he does most of the Walkies, yeah he lets me into the bed more, but I WANT MY PREFERRED HUMAN.

AIBU to sit in front of the door so she can’t open it and abandon me forever?

(I must clarify, I’m going away for 2-4 days max each time, but the look on his face is awful, the manipulative yellow bastard)

Other dog:

the humans tell me off when I steal the fluffy things they walk in. It’s not my fault - they taste of feet and are warm and therefore I want to eat them. They say ‘slipples’ or whatever they are called are not for eating. AIBU to eat them anyway?

My humans seem to have a problem with being woken up - the other night i wanted daddy to watch me eat my bone at 2am, 3am i only wanted him to get up open the patio door and let me have a breath of fresh air so when they woke up there was a nice fresh pile of poo on the floor.

That female human pretends to be asleep so daddy gets up - bitch.

Oh yeah and if i want to sleep on the bed side ways right in the middle nicking the cover so mummy has to get a blanket is that realllllly that unreasonable?

Thanks

Labradoodle

AIBU?! My mommy hoomin has cereal for breakfast. She wants to eat it all before get to put my head in the bowl to get some.

Sometimes she's a total cow. She treats herself to chocolate weetabix. I get quite excited thinking I'm going to get some. Soooo disappointed when I take a sniff to realise it's chocolate muck!