AIBU regarding sisters comments about miscarriage.

[samwiggle9]

A few years ago I suffered a miscarriage. My sister is now pregnant which I'm pleased for her.... But some of her comments are really upsetting me. For example.... She asked me if bleeding was normal during pregnancy, I said well I bled with both my pregnancies (1 miscarriage and a beautiful little boy) and her response was well the first one came out so it doesn't really count..... and then tonight she was asking about blood tests and scans, I said I had extra scans and blood tests as I was high risk.... he response to that was that's so over the top it was only one miscarriage why be so dramatic about it.....
She's also made comments about how many appointments I has with my son during pregnanxy and she's not getting a scan till 12 weeks and basically complained how unfair it is that I had a scan at 7 weeks and all the extra scans...
I don't know whether she's unaware of how hurtful her comments are or whether I'm being over sensitive.

Personally I think she's being insensitive OP

She is definitely be unreasonable and quite rude and insensitive

Yes she's being unsensitive the but cut her a little slack.
In her mind this is the first time that a woman has been pregnant ever.

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage.

Your sister's comments sound very insensitive indeed. YANBU.

Does your sisterhave a history of being like this? It sounds almost as if she is trying to compete with you in some way. Was she supportive at the time of your loss? Do you generally have a good relationship with her?

How do you think she would react if you were to tell her honestly how hurt you are? I think telling her would be the best thing - unless you think she will turn it into a drama which is all about her.

I think you should tell her how daft and obnoxious she is being. Don't just sit there and take it.

I'm so sorry you had to go through the miscarriage. Would it be posible for you just to tell your sister that her words are hurtful?

“In her mind this is the first time that a woman has been pregnant ever.”

Exactly this.

I find myself saying this when reading the “I’ve just had a Bailey’s flavoured after dinner chocolate- will my baby be born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome?” posts on the pregnancy board.

So on the one hand, it's 'overly dramatic' to have extra scans and blood tests' due to having had a miscarriage previously...

...but on the other, it's not fair that she doesn't get extra scans, for a normally progressing pregnancy...?

Which is it - OTT? Or needed, even in a routine pregnancy?

Sounds like there's more going on here, in terms of the relationship between the two of you.

She is being insensitive. Grossly so to dismiss your miscarriage she has. Im sorry .

Is she normally a drama person? Was she sensitive before this or is this normally unpleasant behaving from her?

"I don't know whether she's unaware of how hurtful her comments are or whether I'm being over sensitive"

You are defnitely not being over sensitive.

Just tell her her comments are hurtful.

If this continues, please stop talking about pregnancy with her. She is lucky enough to not know what it feels like to lose a baby and she just doesn't understand how that feels. (having said that she could still try to be a bit more sensitive!)

She is being very insensitive and rude. You should tell her so.

I am sorry you have been going through this.

I am sorry she is being such a jerk.
Tell her it is not a competition and you are not going to answer any more questions about your pregnancies because each is unique.
Then stick like glue to that line in the sand.

Yeah she's not usually like this hence why I ddint know whether she's unaware of how mean she's coming across or not. I wouldn't say we were competitive or anything like that usually pretty close but these comments are upsetting me. Think I'll just have to say listen think before you speak. I understand she's still in that stage where she's the only pregnant lady in the world and it's would of been a exciting time for us both but the comments sometimes really put a dampner on it and I then struggle to be excited for her at the moment if you know what I mean.

That's awful. A miscarriage is a loss of a baby. I would definitely be telling her how upsetting she is being.

What a dick. I do think that unless you have been through a mc it's very difficult for people to truly understand how hard it is. You should call her out on it or she will never realise just how hurtful she is being.

She’s being a cow. There are ways of asking her for questions without making you feel bad. She could say she finds it hard having to wait until 12 weeks to know if everything’s ok. She could have asked about bleeding without being dismissive about your loss.

She's definitely in the pregnant lady bubble. She will hopefully be mortified later at what she has said.

If you are close have a chat with her about how her words are effecting you. How would she feel if she lost her baby now? Would she want extra scans next time. She can pay privately for a scan if she wants.

If she's had bleeding then she's probably worried about mc herself. That's why she wants extra scans too. Tell her to speak to the early pregnancy unit and they can arrange something if she's still having bleeding.

She’s not just being insensitive, she being a dick. There’s no reason for her to say such hurtful things to you and you either need to pull her up on it next time she says anything or distance yourself from her for the remainder of her pregnancy.