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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About men feeling poorly?

16 replies

Imsosorryalan75 · 11/08/2018 20:22

Ok not all men obvs but my dh in particular has been unlucky enough to catch a bug and is puking intermittently.
As a result I've had to sort out kids at the beach (currently on holiday) all day then deflate and pack all toys, change kids etc while he lies there asleep, with occasional toilet runs. Couldn't even watch the kids from his lounger while I went to get lunch after I'd asked him to. Then drive back sort dinner and bed. When he got up 5 minutes before kids went up, he lay on the sofa huffing, puffing and groaning.
Now, I was sympathetic and asked if he needed anything but frankly hes getting on my nerves. When I've felt that shit, I've still had to sort kids, get them to school, cook dinner etc!! My patience is running out!!
Anyone else's dh like this when Ill?

OP posts:

FissionChips · 11/08/2018 20:24

When I've felt that shit, I've still had to sort kids, get them to school, cook dinner etc!

Why?
When I’m ill my DH takes over everything he possibly can while I stay in bed and rest for a couple of days.

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 11/08/2018 20:30

Next time you are ill, take yourself to bed and leave him to it. And don't budge. Sink or swim.

I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Original poster

Imsosorryalan75 · 11/08/2018 20:33

When I'm Ill, it's likely to be during the week so he heads off to work. Would your dh take time off work to take kids to school etc? Then stay at home all day?

OP posts:

FissionChips · 11/08/2018 20:38

Would your dh take time off work to take kids to school etc? Then stay at home all day?

Certainly. If that isn’t possible he aranges childcare.

It all depends on the funds and support available though, would your DH employer allow I’m to go late if needed etc?

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 11/08/2018 20:41

You’ve got my sympathy op!
It must be driving you up the wall!
The very least he could have done was watch kids while you had a lunch break. If he was at home in bed you could ignore him but having him lying on a sun bed, periodically puking or running for the bog is not fun.
Sounds like you’re on a self catering holiday?

user139328237 · 11/08/2018 20:52

@Fission
I can't see many employers thinking very highly of any employee who couldn't work while their kids were at school because their spouse had a stomach bug...
It is slightly different to expect your partner to not attend work in order to look after the children than to expect them to look after the children on their own when they don't have any other commitments.

HolyPieter · 11/08/2018 20:54

YANBU.

When males are "ill" they expect their wives to run around after them, yet refuse to do the same when it's the other way round.

FissionChips · 11/08/2018 20:57

I can't see many employers thinking very highly of any employee who couldn't work while their kids were at school because their spouse had a stomach bug

Well, I presumed the op saying about staying home all day must signal that she has a child who isn’t in school so would need looking after. Why would the op need her DH to stay home all day if the children are at school?

Jaxtellerswife · 11/08/2018 20:59

Ironically sweeping generalisations about women aren't popular on here...other way around seems to be fine
I hope your dh feels better, how rotten to be ill on holiday.

NapQueen · 11/08/2018 21:00

If i am sick enough to be off work then the dc go to their usual childcare and I go to bed. Same with dh. If its the weekend bed still and the other one picks up all the slack.

Whats your dh like if you are sick on a weekend?

SoyDora · 11/08/2018 21:01

Would your dh take time off work to take kids to school etc? Then stay at home all day?

Who said the OP’s children are at school all day? If they were I assume the OP wouldn’t need him to stay at home.
I have 2 pre schoolers and if I was ill with a stomach bug and unable to look after them, DH would take the day off work to do so.

Original poster

Imsosorryalan75 · 11/08/2018 21:05

Fissionchips not sure how that would work. If I'm ill then someone has to take the kids to school and bring them home. My network of mum friends wouldn't extend to that and I don't have family close by. So my dh would have to either take the day off or drop the kids at school, go to work and then be back to pick them up at 3.30pm. I don't think they'd allow that!
If the kids are ill, we take it in turns.

OP posts:

FissionChips · 11/08/2018 21:11

Well, if it’s not possible for your DH to have some flexibility at work then why are you complaining? Your op sounded like it was probably possible for your DH to take time off/flexi work.
What do you expect him to do?

monkeyted · 11/08/2018 21:11

Haha yes, DH is exactly like this! That's exactly what would happen in our family too. Gets on my nerves as well. Hope he feels better though and you both have a better day tomorrow!

ElinorOliphantIsCompletelyFine · 11/08/2018 21:16

If it's not possible for your DH to arrange time off to sort out pick ups and drops offs while you're ill, it's hardly his fault is it?

However has he even bothered to ask?

I've only been with my employer for 4 months and they have no problems with me ocassionally leaving early to do the pick up if DP is unable to.

inneedofinspiration123 · 11/08/2018 21:32

I am with you OP. I can be sympathetic to a point but then my fuse starts to go.
I think DH has a much lower tolerance of illness too. He will go to work "dying" of whatever deadly disease he has contracted (of course from the children!) but will come home and be incapable of doing anything at all. I find it infuriating how his symptoms change depending on the location.

It was great fun when we both came down with food poisoning at the same time. I think that was the first time he was genuinely really sympathetic towards me- because he was going through it too!... I still got lumbered with the dirty nappies though 🙄

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