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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should DH pay?

30 replies

GluteusMaximus00 · 21/07/2018 12:19

DS is 17 and has an interview for an apprenticeship. He needs some new clothes (nothing too expensive).

I have three p/t jobs which equate to a f/t wage and hours, DH gets ESA for a disability and also gets Child Benefit for our son. I live with our son and have not lived with DH for three years.

My issue has only arisen because I am really short of money. I am paying for DS's driving lessons and partially supporting our other son (who is in a few difficulties at the moment). Our other son is 19 and does not live at home.

AIBU to expect my DH to help out with the cost of interview clothes, since he receives CB for our youngest? My opinion is that, fundamentally, Child Benefit should be for the child.

OP posts:
NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 21/07/2018 12:20

Why is he getting the child benefit? I’d have that changed first and foremost (if possible).

Keeptrudging · 21/07/2018 12:20

I would get the child benefit changed over to you, why does he get it?

notthisagain83 · 21/07/2018 12:21

Why does he get cb if the son loves with you?

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 21/07/2018 12:22

Also want to know why he gets CB? What does he provide for DS?

Lifeisabeach09 · 21/07/2018 15:16

Yes, he should pay for the clothes if you pay for everything else.
I, also, agree you should be getting the child benefit.

Booklover18 · 21/07/2018 15:22

Child benefit is for the child and goes to the parent who is looking after the child - you should be receiving it. And yes he should contribute something towards interview clothes.

Joboy · 21/07/2018 23:18

If your son has left school do you still get child benefit?

Shumpalumpa · 21/07/2018 23:20

You should be getting the CB. I'd sort that first thing on Monday.

ManyCrisps · 21/07/2018 23:44

Why the fuck is he still your husband if you haven’t lived with him for 3 years and yes he should pay as the child benefit is for him however he shouldn’t be receiving it you should as you’re the resident parent.

19lottie82 · 21/07/2018 23:50

Correct me if I’m wrong, and I may well be, from your post but I’m guessing your ex doesn’t work, and if that’s the case then he will be getting more child related benefits than CB. If the children don’t live with him, then that’s a fraudulent claim? Are you allowing to do this because he says he’s skint living on ESA? Again apologies if I’m incorrect here.

Eliza9917 · 22/07/2018 01:06

Why does he get the CB?

Original poster
GluteusMaximus00 · 22/07/2018 05:56

Hello,

Thank you. As I wrote before, I am only feeling son irritated by this because money is so tight at the moment and I wish I could do more for my youngest with respect to his interview clothes.

Yes, my husband does not work. He does drive and he will be driving my son to the interview and back, so this is one way that the CB will be spent appropriately. However, OP is correct, the benefit is largely to supplement his income.

CB can go to a partner who does not live with the child, but the partner should contribute towards the child's welfare. I have no idea if he claims Child Tax Credits and so on. (I feel a bit stupid now!)

Anyway, my youngest is 17 and looking for work and if he is successful in this interview or any subsequent interviews, the CB will stop. Then, I think, my husband will have to think about what HE will do.

Thanks for the support.

OP posts:
DoctorGilbertson · 22/07/2018 06:00

Does your son have a suit that needs cleaning? or clothes that would look OK for the interview if professionally washed and irond?

www.timpson.co.uk/services/dry-cleaners/dry-cleaning-unemployed-interview

Timpson's do this for free if you haven't come across this before

Slartybartfast · 22/07/2018 06:24

are you sure the CB will stop?

notthisagain83 · 22/07/2018 09:41

You’ll usually be responsible for a child if you live with them or you’re paying at least the same amount as Child Benefit (or the equivalent in kind) towards looking after them.

Contributions can include:

money
clothes
birthday and Christmas presents
food
pocket money

Yes he should pay towards interviews clothes... it's crazy that you are not claiming it and he's using it to top up his income.. if the child is coming out of Full time education then the benefit should stop soon enough.

Eliza9917 · 22/07/2018 09:43

The job centre might help your son out with vouchers for interview clothes. They used to do that but I don't know if they still do.

19lottie82 · 22/07/2018 09:57

Ihave no idea if he claims Child Tax Credits and so on. (I feel a bit stupid now!)

No need to feel stupid OP, but chances are he’s raking in a fair bit in your sons name. Check out the “entailed to” benefits calculator to see what he could be claiming.

19lottie82 · 22/07/2018 09:58

Eliza I think you need to be claiming JSA for over a certain number of months before they will do that.

tissuesosoft · 22/07/2018 18:45

OP’s son wouldn’t qualify for benefits as he is under 18- unless there are exceptional circumstances e.g. care leaver, pregnant, estranged from parents etc.

Original poster
GluteusMaximus00 · 29/07/2018 10:00

Just a quick update. He had his hair cut, ironed some neutral looking clothes and he has been offered the job. I am very proud of him.

OP posts:
Wateroffaduck · 29/07/2018 10:02

That’s great news, good luck to your son

Gard21 · 29/07/2018 10:02

Very pleased for your son.

SeaViewBliss · 29/07/2018 10:06

Excellent. Well done DS.

ScrubTheDecks · 29/07/2018 10:28

Very well done for your son.
Really pleased for him and you.

Now get the list of work clothes / equipment he will need and get his father to pay!

Well done for supporting your sons so well.

Slartybartfast · 29/07/2018 12:57

fantastic, so glad to hear