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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I stop sending Dd to dance classes?

22 replies

Bellyscreen · 21/07/2018 09:56

DD (4) has done a years worth of dance classes. She’s always been quite shy, so when she started in Sept it took her some time to get involved but loves it there.

In May she moved up a class and I’ve started leaving her there - and since then she always cries and clings to me when I leave her there. She does it everywhere I leave her (I had a thread about pre school recently). It’s so hard.

She apparently perks up and has a lovely time, and she tells me she loves it. But there’s a lovely lady helper there that she’s clingy to - it appears that she wants to hold her hand for the whole lesson. When she was on holiday, she played with the other kids and made friends.

I feel like I’m wasting my money - it’s about £7 per week for her to cry when I drop her off and for her to hold someone’s hand the whole time she’s there. But she tells me she’s really enjoying it, and I always said I’d send her until she told me she didn’t want to any more.

It’s the last class today and I genuinely can’t decide whether to send her back after the summer.

I’ve had a word with the teacher who said she isn’t worried about her, it’s normal at this age etc.

OP posts:

delilahbucket · 21/07/2018 09:59

I would continue. She's so young and it takes years for some kids to gain confidence. This is a good activity to help with that confidence and the teacher is clearly used to it.

DontGoIntoTheLongGrass · 21/07/2018 10:02

No keep going. She does seem to be enjoying it once you've gone. She's still young yet and it'll really boost her confidence. It is normal at her age but it'll pass.

OddestSock · 21/07/2018 10:13

My eldest is very like this. She’s gradually coming out of her shell now at 8.
Ask your daughter if she wants to continue - if she does, carry on. If she doesn’t, then stop :)

KC225 · 21/07/2018 10:19

Four is still quite young. Perhaps stop for six months. Try again in new year.

Original poster

Bellyscreen · 21/07/2018 10:19

I always said I’d keep sending her until she didn’t want to go - but this is so hard. The attachment to the assistant seems to be making her worse - I made the mistake of hanging around to watch today (which I don’t normally, a quick exit is the best thing usually) and the teacher took a girl for a wee a couple of minutes in and my girl was stood there crying again

OP posts:

Thistles24 · 21/07/2018 10:20

I’m going to go against the grain here- I’d stop sending her. It depends on your financial situation, but to me, £7 for her to cry and hold somebody’s hand is just not worth it. There are other (cheaper) ways for her to gain confidence, and I’d imagine by the time she starts school she’ll be happier leaving you and you can try again then.

Isleepinahedgefund · 21/07/2018 10:20

Definitely keep going, she’s so young still and she will be getting something out of it even if she’s holding the helper’s hand all the time. If the dance school think it’s a problem they’ll let you know, but I shouldn’t think she’s the first and certainly won’t be the last child they have who needs a hand hold.

I run a children’s group where the kids are dropped off, one new one recently was so shy and clung mercilessly to my hand for half of the first term before she even showed a glimmer of joining in, I had a word with her mum who said she takes some time to warm up to things and she comes home every week saying she’s loved it. Now she only clings to me 50% of the time and does join in! I’d have hated for her mum to take her out of group.

Mine is 6 now and sometimes still cries when I’m leaving her somewhere - I go for the quick goodbye and leg it method!

Original poster

Bellyscreen · 21/07/2018 10:24

I’m definitely a drop and run - it’s the only way I can do it - but it’s getting to me now. She cries everywhere I leave her - and this seems optional to me. I’ve spoken to her about it and she’s begged me to still take her though. She got really upset at the thought of not going.

OP posts:

llangennith · 21/07/2018 10:28

I'd continue if that's what she wants. Maybe after a few weeks' summer break she'll stop the clinginess?
Next time you're having a chat ask her why she cries?

Pinkkahori · 21/07/2018 10:33

I'd drop it. It doesn't sound like she is enjoying it very much but maybe she is trying to please you.
4 is still very small and she has school to cope with too.
I have a 9 year old that was clingy like this. I stopped trying to make her do extra curricular stuff til she was ready and she is very confident now.

DropZoneOne · 21/07/2018 10:41

Stop sending her. Give it 6-12 months and see if she wants to do it again. She's so little, she will gain confidence in her own time.

No need to tell her she's stopping, lessons stop for the summer, then just don't mention it.

My DD was terribly shy and we started/stopped a few activities until she grew in confidence. She's 10 now and a lot more confident, but still prefers to quietly observe someghing first before having a go.

AlexanderHamilton · 21/07/2018 10:46

I would continue. I used to run drama classes & we had a five year old like that. She spent the first year refusing to let dad leave & when she moved up a class was very clingy for ages.
2 years later aged 7/8 she was winning prizes in music festivals & taking LAMDA exams.

Original poster

Bellyscreen · 21/07/2018 10:54

I’ve tried talking to her about why she cries and she says she doesn’t know.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bellyscreen · 21/07/2018 10:55

I do get a genuine sense that she enjoys it, though.

OP posts:

GirlsBlouse17 · 21/07/2018 11:05

Could you stop taking her but don't mention you're going to stop taking her. Then see if she brings up the subject and asks to go

Original poster

Bellyscreen · 21/07/2018 11:08

She’s going to have a break over the six weeks holiday anyway, so I could see whether she asks during the summer - I think she probably will, she talks about it during the week, she gets very excited about it which makes me 😡 when she then gets all upset when I take her!

OP posts:

Flyingpompom · 21/07/2018 11:12

Is she starting school September? I think school is a lot on it's own for little ones, perhaps give her a few months off dancing and see how she settles into school before considering sending her back.

Is it ballet? Mine had a bit of a wobble about ballet, so I gave her a few months off and then moved her to a Latin/ballroom class which is much less formal and parents can stay and watch. She's absolutely loving it. She's 8 now and still likes me to stay.

niknac1 · 21/07/2018 11:20

As she likes and wants to go I’d continue, if she hated it I’d consider stopping but I expect it will continue to get easier for her.

TatianaLarina · 21/07/2018 11:29

Four is young to be leaving her there I’d stay with her.

Can she go back to the old class she were happy in that one?

TwoShades1 · 21/07/2018 11:33

If it’s something you can’t afford I would keep going providing she says she likes it. My step son is 9 and recently cried and cling to DP when being left at his Aunty and uncles for a sleep over! He has stayed there many times and was really looking forward it.

Branleuse · 21/07/2018 11:41

cant you stay with her? Its very little to be leaving her at a non essential hobby if she is getting seperation anxiety.

Original poster

Bellyscreen · 21/07/2018 16:11

Well... I spoke to her about why she was crying at class and she said it’s because she was crying for me, she could see me through the glass. So being able to see me is making her worse

OP posts:

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