To ask the biggest holes your DP dug themselves.

[TheCatsMothersCousin]

I said to my DP that I really need to cut this annoying bit of hair off that always sticks up and just generally looks awful.

When he asked me which piece I pointed to the obviously sticking up, good for nothing, shitty looking piece of hair and he said 'OHHHHHHHHHHH I thought you meant your sideburns, they always stick out.'

Cue the usual 'I didn't mean it like that' responses

Cheer me up and tell me it's not just my DP who's fucking hopeless and that it's not because I have huge bloody sideburns.

I showed my DH comparison pics of me 6 months ago and me now to show how much weight I had lost and he said 'yeah. Although obviously the light and angle are much better in the second photo'. He didn't live that one down for a while

I was complaining to DH one day that I looked like an elephant. His reply was 'no, you're not that big. Maybe a hippo?' Obviously he was joking but he had to work quite hard to get back into my good books

Oh my what are they like it's like they just let words come out without thinking!!

The other day DP picked me up (I hate being picked up) and he said 'im really surprised how light you actually are'...... Wondering whether to be silently pleased he thinks I'm light or ask him why he bloody thought I'd weigh a tonne?! The git.

I'm totally imagining you with big bushy sideburns now

''This room will look great when you've finished decorating it''.
Seriously it was a completely different colour and I'd made new curtains.

FIL was taking us out for dinner and I was feeling pregnant and fat so had my make up done at the MAC counter to cheer myself up. The girl overdid it a bit (not what i was doing for) with a lot more eyeshadow etc etc. He came to meet me WITH FIL and did this wild double take even though I had pre warned him. When his dad went to the loo he showed me the following picture! I was torn between laughing because he was right and being so embarrassed because I was trying to look nice 😂🙈

I swear my sideburns are no bushier than the next persons!! Or so I thought

@Upstart hilarious! Now that sounds like my DP. Totally oblivious to everything around him.

I took to sending him random facts throughout the day just in between our text conversations to see if he actually paid attention. Really weird shit as well. And he never even clocked on or asked why. He'd reply occasionally saying 'no way' or something like that. But never clocked that I'd done it most days for quite a while.

Got hair and make up done for a wedding. Hair was styled quite different to normal. I thought I looked quite nice.

Dh on seeing me "Oh I didn't realise it was My big Fat Gypsy Wedding we were going to"

@Crispy HAHAHA! Oh no!! I had to redo mine from scratch at home when I had it done professionally because it was so drastic ha.

TheCatsMothersCousin

I know exactly what you mean! I literally didn’t have the time! 😂😂😂

When we were at uni I had just enough cash one day to go to the hairdresser. Nothing fancy, just a wash, a trim, and some thinning (I have very thick hair). It took ages and it looked really nice when it was done. Got home and DH didn't mention it. I didn't mention it. Then about three hours later he looked at me and asked: "So you didn't bother going to the hairdresser today then?"

Another time we were playing a card game and he was asked what fruit I would be. His answer? "A peach. Because she has a furry face."

He's still adamant that he was trying to be sweet (He meant a SOFT face, apparently...)

My dh and I had a disagreement, our 6 year old was within earshot (I hadnt realised). I told her honestly, that I was cross with daddy but I still loved him and I wouldnt stay cross with him and we would be friends again later. Dh took dd to school and sent me a massive, ranty text about how upset dd was and how awful I was for upsetting her. Later that day, I picked her up from school and started to applogise to her. She looked confused and told me she hadnt been upset at all and knew that everything was fine because of what id said to her in the morning. I seethed with rage but said nothing. Dh walked in and the first thing she said was 'why did you tell mummy I was crying in the car when I wasnt upset at all?'. Thr colour ran from his face when he realised he'd been caught out. I dodnt speak to him for three days.

@Coodle I LOVE the furry face one. That's brilliant 😂😂😂

High five to your DD Loki