Husband is going on a date

[Merseysidelauren]

We're separating but still living together, he just met someone new and going out on dates.

I don't love him, I don't respect him. I don't care, but my family and friends think I'm nuts for "allowing this to happen".

AIBU to think he can do whatever he likes, since we're not together.

I do get a bit , when he's sitting on the sofa smiling at his phone etc, I just think he doesn't have to be so obvious. But other than that, it doesn't bother me. I just feel sorry for the any women who gets lumbered with him

If you don’t mind then it’s. Or really their business.

I would want to have things clear s up and separate ASAP though, it would drive me potty.

If it doesn't bother you, then he can do as he likes!

It would break my heart though. You'd think he'd at least wait until you had moved out - or not be obvious about it!

Sounds like your family and friends want you to provide them with some drama. I'd ignore them, or maybe ask them why they think you should care what he does?

I just don't understand the mentality of someone like that. I mean, you'd think he would take time to work on himself and think about why his marriage failed, and work on those things. Instead he just jumps straight into another relationship.

I'm gonna be single for a looong time, I have no interest in a new relationship.

no not really. ime men move on pretty quickly (not saying all men just my experience.)

Do you intended to stay living together for a while?

If so you should probably have a conversation about boundaries and what you do and don't feel comfortable with, no dates over when you are around, no sleepovers etc

It's beyond most people's understanding that you can be that indifferent to him seeing a new woman while still living in the same house as you.

I have friends who have separated - mutual decision - they still live in the same house because of financial issues and in all fairness, their relationship hasn't changed much because they were more like siblings or buddies prior to that anyway. They have both been seeing new people and it's fine - so long as there is no hurt or jealousy or anything like that, then it shouldn't be an issue.

But YABU, or at least rather naive, to expect him to either take responsibility for the failure of his marriage or to believe that he has anything to change. First of all I doubt he accepts it's his fault, and second, if he can find some other woman who'll take him on as he is, then why would he bother his arse to change himself, which would involve effort?

Ha, you're like I was. Luckily I didn't live with him, but I envied HIM, not her. I envied him his opportunity to present himself in the dating 'market' as a catch.

Meanwhile, I was cornered in to a lack of opportunity and freedom, mired in responsibility but it was a real journey, he will never experience it. I was reading Anne Dickson's A woman in your Own Right. Jonice Webbs Running on Empty. Amir Heller (?) Attached. Endless you tube clips about growth and self-awareness and relationships (with parents and the impact of same on relationships with partners). Psychology articles and clips on youtube.

He has read nothing. He hasn't thought about anything except how angry he was that I wouldn't do what he told me to do.

Enjoy your journey! It is satisfying to be a completely different person from the one who met him.

I just don't understand the mentality of someone like that. I mean, you'd think he would take time to work on himself and think about why his marriage failed, and work on those things. Instead he just jumps straight into another relationship.

That tends to be how men operate. Women tend to want time to reflect and regroup, and men tend to want to jump back in the pool straight away.

I'm generalising, of course.

I mean, you'd think he would take time to work on himself and think about why his marriage failed, and work on those things. Instead he just jumps straight into another relationship.

Have you thought about those things, OP?

If you're not bothered then why are you giving it headspace at all? I don't understand that particularly.

Not necessarily the wisest advice but I would make sure I was Getting some fun for myself too . So get him to stay in and go out . Do whatever takes your fancy . From sex parties to reading clubs - take your pick

And get the split moving faster !

I just don't understand the mentality of someone like that. I mean, you'd think he would take time to work on himself and think about why his marriage failed, and work on those things. Instead he just jumps straight into another relationship.

This reminds me so much of me 15 years ago. We lived together for about 9 months after deciding he decided to split because the DC were doing GCSE and A Levels that academic year. I will always regret this. He took the opportunity to line up my replacement - I remember him being on the pc late at night on messenger and having late night phone calls after I had gone to bed, as well as a couple of trips abroad (she lived abroad) where we had to tell the DC lies about where he was. It was shit, I really regret agreeing to it as it left my self esteem in tatters and if I am honest it has never really recovered.

I'm gonna be single for a looong time, I have no interest in a new relationship.

I felt like this too - and I haven't had a relationship of any kind since, and now I know I have left it too late. I agree you need a relationship-free period, and of course I don't know how old you are, but take care not to leave it too late. I was in my late 40s when he left.

Having said that, I do feel perfectly happy - and there are loads of good things about being single.

If you don't mind then no one else should make you think you should.

Only worry would be if you have children.

I mean, you'd think he would take time to work on himself and think about why his marriage failed, and work on those things. Instead he just jumps straight into another relationship.

I get the feeling from this that you ended the relationship and would like him to think about why you did it (and take some of the responsibility)

It wouldn't bother me, but i can see why it would bother others if you were still living together. Just each to their own really. I would expect that by the time you had decided to separate (if it was a gradual mutual thing) then you had both mentally accepted it and moved on emotionally. I don't see why someone would need to work on themselves for a while either - unless the marriage breakdown was down to something specific they did. Sometimes things just don't work out and everyone is fine with it - or does he feel he needs to change something about himself?

Sounds like it's none of your friends business really. If you are happy, just stay happy. :)

Look at it this way: maybe it will give him incentive to make new living arrangements sooner so you don't have to deal with the idiot.