Lifts shared between parents - who is BU

[Eddy436]

Bit of background - parent a
A and B where together a long time, 2 kids now 5 and 7. Relationship ended. Parent A now in long term with new parter, B is married with a baby.
A has kids Monday tuesday thursday and every other weekend (fri-sun)
B has kids until 5pm on Tuesday, wesnesday and EOW.

Parent B brought house to be closer to A and kids school (10 minute walk). 1 year later A and new partner brought a house 20 minutes (8 miles) away and moved the kids into the new local school.

Parent B is happy to drive out and collect/drop kids on all occasions except Tuesday as the drive to drop them back doesn't fit with their work. A decided to move - A should pick up a bit of the extra driving.
Parent A doesnt want to drive to pick them up as its a 35-40 minute round trip and wants contact to stop on Tuesday with B.

Both feel put out. Both thinks the other is BU.

Who do you think is BU?

On the face of it, A as they moved and moved the kids. Although B should maybe have had a hypothetical conversation around this scenario(A moving house) before they bought their house last year.

Parent A is in the wrong, but maybe the Tuesday can be swapped for another day?

A

So Carol has kids Mon, Tues after 5pm, Thurs and EOW and Brian has them Tues until 5pm, Wed and EOW.

Carol moved a year ago and moved the kids to a further away school. Brian now can't drop kids back to Carol at 5pm on Tuesday due to work.

Is Brian seeing much of them on a Tuesday? If he collects from school at 15:00 and has to then take them home for 5pm... Seems he will spend all his time driving them back and forth. Can Brian not keep them and drop off at school on Wed morning and Carol pick up from school on Thursday?

Carol has Mon and drops off at school Tues am. Brian picks up on Tues pm and drops to school so that Carol can collect after school on Thursday. EOW is shared. Carol gets Mon/Thurs and EOW, Brian gets Tues/Wed and EOW.... Seems fair to me!

B cant swap the Tuesday die to evening/night work commitments.

Sounds hectic. When my parents divorced they agreed the best system was every other night at either mum's or dad's. And then eow alternated. My sister and I hated it, I can see why they thought it was best but as a kid you don't need to be living out of one bag.

A is unreasonable.

Agree A is in the wrong. Seems a bit mean to move and change schools only a year after B moved closer. Also seems a bit unfair on the dc, they're here there and everywhere. I agree with B, drop the Tuesday, makes life easier for everyone.

Does B have a commitment on the Tuesday night? Could they not have the kids Wednesday, Thursday?

I also agree A is wrong, If you move away you pick up the slack.
Also if you move away and take away any hours from the other parent because it doesnt work anymore, you should offer an alternative not just take time away. My dhs ex did this and I think its really shitty behaviour thinking your wants in contact trump the fathers.

A should be being more flexible and enabling the Tuesday contact to continue.

A is being very unfair to both B and the dc.