To think my IL's are a bit rubbish

[MrsAngle]

DS1 found a birthday card through the door from BIL/SIL addressed to him. Trouble is, it's 6 months till his birthday. DS2's is in a few days, so it obviously should be his. Luckily DS1 is a large and very lovely teenager, and went out of his way to buy another card and address it to (almost 7 year old) DS2, enclosing the tenner from card 1.
I'm somewhere between amused and furious. BIL/SIL have no kids of their own, but have always taken out/spent money on their niece and nephew on SIL's side, but my DC's (BIL is DH's brother) have never had so much as a look in. DH and BIL don't see each other or speak often even though we live in the same town, less than a mile apart. All past offers for them to "bob round for a brew/beer" are met with excuses. We have never once, in the 20 years we've been together been invited to their house.

On the rare occasions we see each other we get along fine. I just don't get it.

They do sound a bit crap as relatives but you know, it really dosnt matter.
Really sweet of ds1 to get another card to give to his bro with the money in it, but it won’t stop.
Kids quickly work out who is important in life, those they can rely on and who care for them. They don’t necessarily have to be related. My dc’s have been shown far more kindness, generosity and love from close family friends than dh’s side of the family.
If you wanted you could point out their error, but you’d probably just be labelled as ungrateful.
Fuck em

Stick the card and a tenner back in the envelope, with a note saying, “thanks very much, but I’m worried (child) will find it, so would you mind holding onto it until his birthday in (insert date).” 😉

Get your teen to write a thank you card or text. “Thanks for the card and money. It’s actually bobs birthday on 21st June. Mine is on 13th December. It’s ok. I readdressed it to bob on your behalf 😂.”

“Thanks for the card and money. It’s actually bobs birthday on 21st June. Mine is on 13th December. It’s ok. I readdressed it to bob on your behalf 😂.”

Perfect response! And your teenager sounds lovely, how sweet of him.

Mummyoflittledragon has the answer to this one.
I'll hold my hands up and admit to being the rubbish Auntie that sent the card to the wrong child.
Said child did the noble thing and passed card and money on to her big sister but sent me a lovely thank you letter pointing out my mistake.
I sent a note back apologising profusely.
Most people IMHO wouldn't do this sort of thing to deliberately cause upset.
In my case, DM of the children involved laughed it off (well, at least that's what she said to me!)
The children concerned are now adults and I get on with them very well and am very fond of them.
I stopped all birthday cards etc after this as I couldn't keep up with whose was when and how old etc (big family on both sides) and the risk of causing unintended offence is too great if you get it wrong.
Your son sounds lovely OP.
I think I would get on well with him!

It’s shit OP.

Me and MIL don’t get along. Me and BIL didn’t get along after our wedding (long story) but made up when I got pregnant with DS.

Was great while I was PG despite me and MIL arguing all the time and BIL even sticking up for at times, brought us our pram even as a baby gift.

Has seen DS once since he was born and never met DD. Heartbreaking but I know it’s MIL being poisonous.

His choice to have the balls I guess

These responses are exactly why I would never send a birthday card to any of my neices or nephews.

I can't beleive how much importance people attach to such things.

I have one aunt who has never forgotten my birthday ever once in my life - I've literally forgotten it myself sometimes, when her card has been delayed. No body else bothers with cards, and only gives gifts we we happen to find something nice.

That doesn't mean we are not a close and loving family. It just means we don't measure our closeness and judge each other by who sends who bits of pointless rubbish when.

And as for socialising with you, why should they? being related doesn't mean you have to want to be with someone.

It's probably a male socialisation issue. Men are often lax about other people's birthdays, even their own children. I wonder how many birthday presents, treats and parties for children would never happen if they were left down to menfolk. Your SIL probably refuses to do the wifework where family birthdays are concerned, or she will do it to a certain level but no further.

Not great for your DCs, but tbh it sounds like your SIL doesn't do the 'wife work' for her DH and he doesn't do it so well. I reckon he's the one who is a bit crap. SIL sounds fine- she can obv remember birthdays - it's just not her job to acknowledge her husband's brother's DCs. Fwiw I sympathise as I'm not sure how to explain to my DCs why their uncle doesn't bother acknowledging them at all.

I'm with Pasta I think YAabitU to say your ILs are a rubbish. It sounds like your Sil is on the ball with her side of the family but your BiL can't be arsed keeping up connections with his and your SiL isn't prepared to do that for him.

Men are generally shit with cards. My in laws don’t get cards on time if at all because I refuse to do the wife work and dh wouldn’t buy and stick a card in the post in a million years. They probably think I’m (not dh) shit and would see it as my responsibility

It's always SIL who writes the cards and puts them through the door, and she usually buys them vouchers for Christmas (Although the local supermarket voucher had me scratching my head this year...it only sells food, it's not like a big Tesco where you can buy all sorts)

Just over a year ago we were all at the same event. Sat together, had a nice time. SIL often goes to the same place as I go (trying to be a bit vague here) and if I see her I pop over for a quick chat. A few weeks ago she turned up and sat behind me so I didn't see her and didn't even say hello to me.

My PIL were a bit strange. They would park outside our house every Saturday to go to a specific shop, and would never knock on the door to speak to us. DH got really upset about it.

DS1 is a good kid. I'll get him to send a message on facebook. (Can't text, I have no clue on either of their numbers)