Filthy FIL

[tiggerziggerah]

Hi, I've NC for this as I don't want it linked back to me for obvious reasons.

My father in law is the most dramatic and nasty person I've had the unfortunate pleasure to come into contact with.

Examples of his behaviour:

On my wedding day he gathered his children together and told them he had 3 weeks left to live as he has an incurable brain tumour. Turns out this was just a huge lie as he wanted to be the centre of attention.

Also at wedding he spent the meal staring down my sister's top and made comments to her which made her feel uncomfortable. Once my dad heard this he put fil in his place.

Later in the evening fil suggested that my mother went swinging with him.

He once phoned up and asked to speak to me. Once I was on the phone he said "what are you wearing?" Then continued "I hope it's something sexy, like a neglige." I was actually too shocked to tell him to fuck off and handed the phone back to DH.

He bleats that no one can be bothered to see him at Christmas, yet when we have made plans to see him he cancels on us at the last minute and the continues to moan that no one cares about him.

These are only a few examples, if I list any more it will out me. I'm so embarrassed by all of this, it's like Jeremy Kyle fodder.

Here is my AIBU. Is it okay if I never speak to this man ever again and ensure that my DS never has to meet him.

My husband thinks I should make a token effort to talk to fil and send him photos of DS. Filthy fil gives me the creeps and I want nothing to do with him.

What shall I do?

I'd have nothing to do with him again. I have nothing to do with my in laws, but my husband is obviously in touch with his family and our kids keep in touch with them through email and Skype. For us there is an ocean between us which helps.

YANBU. He's a sex pest. Stay away from him. Don't let your child anywhere near him. Also, if there's to be any indirect contact at all (pref. not) then it's not your parent not your job. Leave it to DH.

It's worrying your DH seems to think that it's ok, though. Does he not realise what his father is like?

Yanbu. Your FIL sounds awful, i wouldnt have anything to do with me or my family.

Let your DH sort out photos and contact.

Can you imagine leaving young daughters with him? No. Then go NC.

Why does your husband think it’s your responsibility to send photos to his father?

YANBU. Your husband is.

If DH wants photos sent, let him send them (he won't).

He is a sex pest. Keep your distance and keep those you love away from him.

Thank you everyone for your replies. I'm going to show DH this thread. I think he doesn't want to believe his father is as awful as he is. It's a bit different when you see there in black and white and validated by strangers.

No one likes to accept truths like that but he is best asking himself this:
Would he want his children exposed to things FIL does like the above?
Does he think his dad behaviour is ok?
Because he condones it by looking the other way.
Is he not angry about the wedding attention seeking and lies?
Why is he putting his dads 'needs' aka pervy lecherous and lying behaviour above his family and friends?
Would he be happy or embarrassed inviting his dad to meet his colleagues or boss?

Oh and would dh treat your ds like his dad has done? Why does he feel its ok to put up with that treatment himself?

Eew. I’d keep my kids and my whole postcode away from that. I thought “filthy” would be eating bogies or something, but this is much much worse.

Your poor DH imagine having to grow up around that behaviour. It would be confusing then mortifying.

But YANBU at not wanting anything to do with him

He sounds vile. What did DH say when you told him what FIL said to you on the phone? I hope he didn't try to brush it off as a joke.

How old is this man?? He may be getting dementia if this is out of character.

I wouldn't want someone like that even having photos of my children never mind contact. If your husband wants to see his father that's fine. But you and your son don't need to be there. I wouldn't even have him at the house.

At the end of the day he is a blood relative so he is going to be a part of your life whatever happens. What really needs to happen is your husband needs to man up and nip the problem in the bud because he is not protecting you as it is.

The warning signs are there and if you want to ignore them, then you will deserve what you get.
Keep your DS as far away from him as possible. Do not leave her in the room with him at any time.
In fact I would not even let her visit with your husband, because I would not trust him not to stay with her all the time.
Next time he is so disrespectful, I would make sure that everyone hears what I have to say to him, by embarrassing his ass.