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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Worried DS won't eat anything at nursery on Monday

30 replies

Sugarmagnolia · 20/05/2007 07:51

DS has lunch at nursery every day. He's dairy intolerant and a little bit of a fussy eater on top of that but I'm not allowed to send him with a packed lunch. So some days he comes home having only had toast, apple juice and a plate of veg. On Monday the whole school except the nursery are going on a trip so there won't be any hot food at all. Only cold sandwiches, juice & fruit. There are no sandwiches DS will eat (can't have cheese and won't touch tuna or egg). The nursery will not let me send him with any food even on this one occassion. They said they will give him bread & fruit and try to find a banana for him.

Is it unreasonable for me to be upset by this and expect them to let me send him with food just this once???

He doesn't get home until 4 on a Monday and that's going to be a very long day for him if he's hardly had any lunch. I don't know whether to just leave it, to make a fuss or to say nothing but just pick him up early and give him lunch myself.

OP posts:

akaJamiesMum · 20/05/2007 08:01

He's got to eat something. Personally I think it's unreasonable of the nursery to not allow you to send him in with food. You are paying them to provide childcare and they have a duty to see your child as an individual and to treat him accordingly. Allowing a child to go a day without adequate food is dreadful. I'd be complaining and perhaps be looking for a more understanding nursery.

earlgrey · 20/05/2007 08:03

I would be HUGELY upset by this. Why can't you send in a packed lunch anyway? When my dds where at nursery school they would have pandered to everything the child needed - if they hadn't, they wouldn't have survived as a business.

How (and who) told you all this, from the nursery?

Taylormama · 20/05/2007 08:05

i don;t think you are being unreasonable. He has an food intolerance and they won't let you send anything in for him ... totally inflexible. They wouldn't treat an adult like this, so why a child?

hoxtonchick · 20/05/2007 08:05

but he won't be eating nothing, he'll have bread & fruit. it may not be what you'd choose, or what you'd feed him yourself, but it should keep him going. hope that doesn't sound too harsh.

earlgrey · 20/05/2007 08:07

hox, if SM is paying for the best she can for her child I think I'd tell them to sod off.

akaJamiesMum · 20/05/2007 08:08

Bread and fruit doesn't sound very much for a day out though. I think they are being very inflexible - especially as this is a child with some food intolerences.

mm22bys · 20/05/2007 08:09

They should allow you to send food with him

but if they are planning on giving him bread and fruit it sounds like he's not going to starve...surely if he normally eats bread and fruit, if he's hungry enough he'll eat it?

hoxtonchick · 20/05/2007 08:09

well, yes, the nursery sounds like a PITA. i was just trying to be a bit reassuring.

Original poster

Sugarmagnolia · 20/05/2007 08:10

Changing nursery isn't an option. A)because it's the nurser attached to the primary school he'll be going to adn b)because 99.9% of the time I think it is a totally wonderful place and can't rave about it enough.

The problem with brining packed lunches is all really dumb! The school kids are allowed packed lunches just not the nursery. It's a Jewish school and the kitchen and lunch room are strictly "kosher". So any school kids who bring a packed lunch have to sit at separate tables to avoid contaminating the school trays/cutlery whatever. The nursery can't bring packed lunches because they aren't allowed to sit at a table on their own. I asked the head teacher in the nursery but she flat out refused to let me send him with anything.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sugarmagnolia · 20/05/2007 08:10

BTW - not a private nursery so not paying for it. Although I do pay for lunch.

OP posts:

katelyle · 20/05/2007 08:11

what would you send in a packed lunch if you were allowed to?

Original poster

Sugarmagnolia · 20/05/2007 08:26

a sandwich with dairy-free "cream cheese" spread, a soy yoghurt, crackers or crisps & fruit probably. His favourite is peanut butter but that's another no-no at the school.

OP posts:

Taylormama · 20/05/2007 08:27

the vexed kosher question - i wondered if this was part of the issue. I understand totally about needing guidelines but the school kids can bring a packed lunch! I think the nursery head is being a touch ridiculous - you can take something with a kashrut sticker on so she can see it is kosher

akaJamiesMum · 20/05/2007 08:29

I'd be asking her if she's happy with the idea that your child will be hungry that day.
She's being inflexible - there are ways around this.

katelyle · 20/05/2007 08:35

I'm a bit puzzled. Won't he be eating almost exactly the same as everyone else on the trip - bread, fruit and juice? Does it really matter if he eats bread without filling? My ds used to call that a bread sandwich!

cornsilk · 20/05/2007 08:39

Can you get a doctor's note explaining his medical condition?

katherinez · 20/05/2007 09:15

YANBU, that said, why don,t you just make sure he has a really nutritious breakfast (cooked, maybe), to balance it out a bit. Then he can enjoy the trip and have lunch with the others.

Original poster

Sugarmagnolia · 20/05/2007 14:27

sorry, some of you seem to have gotten the wrong end of the stick. DS is not going on the trip. Because the rest of the school will be away they aren't making hot lunches for the nursery. The other nursery children will have a choice of tuna, egg or cheese sandwiches, yoghurt, milk to drink and fruit. DS will get plain bread, apple juice and fruit.

The only reason he is not allowed to bring in food is because he would have to sit by himself at a separate table and they say he is not allowed to do that.

Nevermind, I'll just give him a big bowl of porridge or something for breakfast. I'm sure he'll survive it's just frustrating!

OP posts:

NutterlyUts · 20/05/2007 14:30

Are you Jewish? Surely if you're Jewish (assuming you are from the school choice, sorry if your not) then the food you'll be sending in is Kosher too?

wheresthehamster · 20/05/2007 14:41

2 things

They are providing an alternative for him (tuna or egg, juice and fruit) so they probably think they are not being unreasonable.

Also - why is he at nursery all day and having lunch there? That's a long day.

Original poster

Sugarmagnolia · 21/05/2007 07:20

where'sthehamster - he's there all day because I'm working. Some days I only work until 12:30 and pick him up at 1 other days I work until 3:00 and pick him up at 3:30. Unfortunately Monday is a 3:30 day.

NutterlyUts - I am Jewish but even when I have offered to send in strictly kosher food they've said no.

OP posts:

Taylormama · 21/05/2007 07:46

Hiya SM
hope your DS is ok and is fuelled up on porride. The nursery are being super awkward if you can;t bring hechsered food in
Happy Shavuot for tomorrow - must start a cheesecake thread

Original poster

Sugarmagnolia · 21/05/2007 08:32

Happy Shavuot to you too. DH's grandma was taking orders for cheese blintzes on saturday. I think I'll skip the cheesecake this year though unless you have a no-fat version that's actually worth eating!

I tried to give DS loads to eat this morning but he didn't eat half of it. Not a lot I can do about it now. But thanks for asking.

OP posts:

Sixofone · 21/05/2007 12:08

My nursery (at vast expense I hasten to add) makes a big thing about how they will meet any nutritional needs or special dietary requirements, regardless of what they are. It's a shame that yours won't be more flexible.

At the end of the day I suppose it's only the one meal, so he should be OK this once. If there are some days when he only eats toast anyway, it'll just be like a normal day really. You can feed him up when he gets home.

If you need any help eating the cheesecake, let me know

americantrish · 21/05/2007 14:55

i cant believe they wont let you send food with him! i hope it's worked out today for him and you...

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