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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask to take child to wedding

24 replies

sb1278 · 23/05/2018 12:09

Hey guys,

Really not sure how this works. Myself and hubs been invited to a wedding abroad next Aug, baby number one due January. Haven't told anyone yet.

Can we ask to take baby with us or is it cheeky? Of course if it was in UK we might ask for a babysitter for one night but as it's abroad and we intend on going for the week and most of my family will be coming too, I can imagine id prefer to take baby with us... is that unreasonable?

Known the groom my whole life, he's a close family friend and his bride and myself have gotten quite close. Both very nice people and wouldn't say no to be spiteful, I'm sure. They are inviting children to the wedding as my brother and sisters kids have been asked.

Basically, is it unreasonable to ask them and when do I need to do that by?

Thanks in advance xxx

OP posts:

Wait4nothing · 23/05/2018 12:12

I think this is perfectly reasonable. Do they know you are pregnant yet? Is not knowing why they haven’t invited baby?
We asked our best friends if we could bring baby along to there wedding abroad as soon as we told them we were pregnant - and warned them we may not make it due to dates! Luckily we did - they were thrilled.

Original poster

sb1278 · 23/05/2018 12:15

Hey @Wait4nothing no they don't know yet, no one does as it's still so early. I would imagine if we already had a child he or she would have been invited as I say they've invited other kids.

So my fear is, I don't want to announce pregnancy yet but I don't want to take the mick and not give them as much notice. Also don't want them to feel bad or put them out really.

Bit of a tricky one!

Thanks for your help x

OP posts:

lalalalyra · 23/05/2018 12:15

If kids are invited then once you announce that you are pregnant it'll come up.

Congratulations.

GinIsIn · 23/05/2018 12:17

Is it a child free wedding?

Original poster

sb1278 · 23/05/2018 12:19

@FenellaMaxwellsPony no, children are invited xx

OP posts:

AgentHannahWells · 23/05/2018 12:19

Congratulations! No need to tell them until you are happy to. They won't need to make any additional arrangements for a 6/7 month old.

noctu · 23/05/2018 12:19

Congratulations. When is the RSVP for? Will you have announced by then?
If not, maybe you could tell them your news in confidence and ask if the baby could come along.

GinIsIn · 23/05/2018 12:21

Oh, well that will be fine then! Just let them know once you have the 12 week scan

crispysausagerolls · 23/05/2018 12:21

Are children invited in general? How far along are you? We were invited to a wedding this September last year when I was only 10 weeks or so. Dropped the couple a line immediately saying "don't tell anyone please but we will have a 2 month old so won't be appropriate for us to come". In your case, your baby will be 6 months or so and therefore absolutely I would take them along - and if that's not fine I wouldn't be going. A wedding abroad is just such a different matter - it's not like a UK wedding where you could leave baby with a relative for a few hours!

Original poster

sb1278 · 23/05/2018 12:22

@noctu that is such a wonderful point! I don't have the invite but I am almost 100% it said January was the RSVP! So that could work really well.

If they did say no, my hubs has offered to not attend the wedding and have baby for the day which is really kind of him but it would be lovely to all go together of course.

Feel a lot better and like I've got some options here! Thank you all so much x

OP posts:

crispysausagerolls · 23/05/2018 12:22

Sorry missed your post - if children are allowed then of course it will be fine!

AliasGrape · 23/05/2018 12:23

Not unreasonable at all since it’s not a child free wedding, and it’s not unreasonable to ask anyway, they can say no.

I’d wait until you announce the pregnancy though, unless you particularly need to book travel/accommodation beforehand. The baby will only be 7 months old so not going to make a difference to seating/catering arrangements and presumably you’d be respectful and take the baby out if he or she was noisy during the service or speeches.

Cornettoninja · 23/05/2018 12:23

You're massively over thinking this.

It isn't tricky at all from what I can see. They've already invited children so presumably dont expect anyone to leave their children for a week?

You've got ages, even if you didn't ask till the baby had been born that's still eight months notice which is more than reasonable anyway.

Just tell them when you announce your pregnancy. That's absolutely fine.

Congratulations

duchessofsussex · 23/05/2018 12:23

If they are inviting other children i am sure they will be delighted by your news and happy for your baby to attend the wedding. Just let them know when you are ready. The wedding isn't for another year so plenty of time.

Ohmydayslove · 23/05/2018 12:33

Yes be fine. What notice do they need? Your baby won’t need a meal or a seat so they won’t need to
Adjust plans. When you announce pregnancy it would be good manners to ask the bride and reassure her that baby would be taken out if starts to be noisy or cry

percheron67 · 23/05/2018 12:34

Did you mean to say "hubs"!!! Feel a need to sit down .......

Original poster

sb1278 · 23/05/2018 12:40

@percheron67 yeah, what's wrong with that lol

OP posts:

InsomniacAnonymous · 23/05/2018 12:54

percheron67 not only "hubs" but "myself" instead of I! Shocking.

Original poster

sb1278 · 23/05/2018 13:01

@percheron67 @InsomniacAnonymous haha, guessing you guys are both joking. Surely you wouldn't just comment on a thread to be rude 😊

Thanks everyone for your help, hope you all have wonderful, positive days!

OP posts:

viques · 23/05/2018 13:01

If the wedding is not until next August the chances are that your baby won't be the only new one there! Congratulations, I am sure it will be fine and the b and g wil be happy to see all of you.

GalwayWayfarer · 23/05/2018 13:10

Congratulations! Totally reasonable to ask as they are having other kids there and didn't know about your baby

Stephisaur · 23/05/2018 13:12

Our friends announced their pregnancy just before we sent our invites out. Their baby was born about 2 months before the Wedding.

We wouldn't have dreamed of saying they couldn't bring him, and they only live down the road from the venue!

Congratulations on your pregnancy, I'm sure your friends won't have any issue :)

Wait4nothing · 23/05/2018 13:34

We waited until we were sharing the news of our pregnancy - so after the 12 week scan for us - but did let them know/asked in person before announcing on social media (though probably would have anyway as they were close friends). A few months won’t make any difference to them.

Jebbs · 23/05/2018 13:56

Hi, We've got our first due in January too and a wedding in June so similar issue. In our case we gave them a heads up to check it wouldn't cause them a problem (and asked them to keep it to themselves because the others haven't been told yet). If they didn't like that as a way of going about it then they didn't let on

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