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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I'm not sure I like this...

16 replies

KatnissMellark · 17/05/2018 15:00

If anything happens to DS at nursery, not significant enough to require picking up but they decide I need to be told, they test me. For example today, they text to say he shut his fingers in a drawer, small bruise but he's ok and they'll see me later.

Argh.

It stresses me out! If it's bad enough, ring me and I'll pick him up, if not, just leave it and tell me at the end of the day. Maybe I'm silly but I just imagine his little face when he's hurt and wish I was there to give him a cuddle

AIBU?

OP posts:

confusedlittleone · 17/05/2018 15:03

Tbh nursery's can't win- if they didn't tell you at the time but something happened between the event and pick up as a result of the accident that meant he needed to picked up people would kick off about not being told about the accident at the time (if that makes sense 😂 I know what I mean in my head!)

BillywigSting · 17/05/2018 15:04

Yanbu.

I would hate this it would put me on edge until I could pick him up and determine for myself if he was actually OK or not.

Like you say if it's serious they'll call and you can collect him. Seems like causing unnecessary worry to me to contact you otherwise. They could just bring it up at the end of the day

Topseyt · 17/05/2018 15:12

They do tell you he is OK though. If he wasn't OK they would be clear about that.

I have a feeling that they are under some obligation to inform parents of many of these sorts of things, so do it to cover their own arses. My DDs' primary school could be rather like this, especially when they were in the infants. Yes, it could be a trifle irritating at first, but I soon learned that I could usually ignore a message such as you just had.

PinkHeart5914 · 17/05/2018 15:17

They really can’t win. Others would be moaning if they didn’t tell them and waited until the end of the day, some parents are a bit OTT about it tbh.

I guess they think a text saying what happened but he is ok is a happy medium, don’t distrub your day for a phone call and keeps certain crazy parents happy

Thing is children have little accidents all the time it’s part of growing up and most dc soon start playing again and forget about it, they are not sitting a crying mess wanting mummy cuddles

SendintheArdwolves · 17/05/2018 15:40

Maybe I'm silly but I just imagine his little face when he's hurt and wish I was there to give him a cuddle

Your asking the nursery to help you manage your guilt/anxiety/worry in a very specific way - and I'm not sure that really falls under their remit. You've left your kid with a caregiver who you (presumably) trust - either they are capable of giving your DS comfort or they aren't. If they aren't then yes - at times he is going to be upset and wish his parents were there. I'm not sure what you can do about that.

If you're going to spend time worrying about his little face and if he wants a cuddle, surely getting the text is the best solution? After all if they didn't text you when he'd hurt himself, wouldn't you just spend ALL your time worrying that he was upset? At least this way, all they time they aren't texting, you know he is fine.

teaandtoast · 17/05/2018 15:44

If they changed the text to say '...he's had a cuddle and now he's fine', would it help?

GinIsIn · 17/05/2018 15:44

They are required, I believe, to notify you of anything requiring first aid, so if they put an ice pack or cold compress on the fingers, they have to let you know.

Pythonesque · 17/05/2018 15:47

Just tell them that if they need to speak to you, to phone you, but if they don't feel more than a text is necessary you'd rather be told at pickup time. Nurseries can cope with having different approaches to different parents; I remember getting rather fedup at clothes being changed when I didn't think they needed it (please no more washing!) - talked to them about it and they were quite happy to note that I was a parent happy to collect a child in mismatched clothes or with minor spills on them, they explained that some parents expected a whole outfit to be changed even if only one bit needed it ...

Claire90ftm · 18/05/2018 00:59

I think they probably have to tell you. YABU, as others have said they can't win no matter what they do.... They're letting you know he's OK. Give them a break.

dentydown · 18/05/2018 06:58

You can ring them back for reassurance. If it is worrying you that much and you are allowed to make phone calls at work ring them!
I remember picking up at nursery and there was a woman really laying into the staff there for not notifying them of a head bash. In the end they wrote it on their notes to always ring the parents!

Original poster

KatnissMellark · 18/05/2018 08:01

Sorry for not responding yesterday, minor family emergency to deal with. I absolutely agree they can't win, and haven't/wouldn't complain about something so minor...I just don't like it! They are fab with him and I absolutely trust them, don't worry about him at all when he's there, just hate the knowing there is something wrong but not being able to so anything about it.

OP posts:

usernotfound0000 · 18/05/2018 08:11

I wouldn't like this. Our nursery don't do it, they just tell us when we do pick up and we have to sign an accident form. They're a pretty good nursery and I'm sure if it was a legal thing that they had to inform you immediately, then they would do this.

Basta · 18/05/2018 08:30

I was going to say I think they have better things to do than test your reaction and that that would be a weird thing to do. But then I realised it was a typo and you meant text, not test.

LookMoreCloselier · 21/05/2018 08:41

They have to tell you any time it's a bump to the head, including mouth etc. In your example I would expect to be told at the end of the day.

timeisnotaline · 21/05/2018 08:44

They have to tell you, and I’m afraid you have to trust them to look after your child! Maybe you could have some sentences to think through when they do to help with thr anxiety? ‘X (nursery staff) is lovely and caring and dc is well looked after, she told me about a little bump because it is her job’?

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 21/05/2018 08:51

Yup they can't win!

Also I suspect with a huge number of kids they're looking after, if all parents want to know this level of detail... It's much easier texting parents as it happen is real time that tri try and remember /have to trcord somewhere that
Child X shut fingers in drawer, child y cried for 30 seconds while child y took their toy away

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