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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU about this wedding

24 replies

Cath2907 · 27/04/2018 09:09

We got an invite yesterday to husband's cousins wedding in Southern England. DH has a large family that we see maybe once a year at functions like this and they mostly all came to our wedding 12 years ago including this particular cousin. My initial though was of course we'll go. Then I realised the date clashed with a pre-booked family holiday in Yorkshire to a festival kind of event. We go most years with my family and we take the caravan. My DD (only child) gets a long weeks holiday with her niece and nephew and everyone has fun. Leaving the holiday to take the caravan home, putting the dog in kennels (something I've also never done) and then drive down south would mean missing out on at least half of it.

We couldn't just pop down for the wedding and come back to the caravan the following day as we'd have no-where to leave the dog - although I guess they have kennels in yourkshire. Basically I don't want to cut our family holiday short for the wedding of someone I've met about 5 times and who we haven't seen in maybe 4 or 5 years now.

For transparency DH and I are going through a rough patch at the moment and I am pretty annoyed with him. I am worrying this is coloring my judgement. I want to say any other weekend we'd have gone but I don't want to go on this weekend.

OP posts:

QuiteCleanBandit · 27/04/2018 09:11

Just decline then
You already have a holiday booked ,best wishes to couple etc

Redglitter · 27/04/2018 09:12

I don't see what the issue is. You already have plans made that weekend. Attendance isn't compulsory. You just let them know you can't come. Job done

ImNotMeImSomeoneElse · 27/04/2018 09:13

Is there any reason he can't go alone, if he's rather go to the wedding?

Piffle11 · 27/04/2018 09:18

I think it would depend on how close your DH is with this cousin. Would you feel differently if it were a cousin of yours? One of my cousins didn't come to my wedding (local to where they live) as they already had booked a trip away and I didn't mind at all, as we are not close. I'm only close with 2 cousins and if either couldn't have come due to a prior arrangement, I would have understood.

Lindy2 · 27/04/2018 09:18

I wouldn't change a booked holiday for a wedding. I would just decline and say sorry we are away that day.

Returnofthesmileybar · 27/04/2018 09:19

Let him go alone overnight and come back to join you on the holiday. It doesn't need to be one or the other does it?

GinIsIn · 27/04/2018 09:19

“Thanks so much for the invitation but unfortunately we are on holiday. Congratulations on your wedding and hope to see you soon.” I don’t really understand the problem here?

Luckingfovely · 27/04/2018 09:22

Just decline. You have an existing arrangement. Not even a question.

emmyrose2000 · 27/04/2018 09:25

It wouldn't even occur to me to cancel, postpone or change an already booked holiday for another event, including a wedding.

Just decline the wedding and enjoy your holiday.

Chinesecrested · 27/04/2018 09:30

Returnofthesmileybar has hit the nail on the head.Let the old fella take a day out and go on his own if he feels that strongly about it. What's the getting he won't go?

Just to digress, my sister's partner was Catholic and was insisting their ds was brought up in the faith. My DS was unhappy about this. I told her to tell him ok, if that's what he wanted, but obvs he would have to make all the arrangements! He suddenly lost interest and it never happened

AlpacaBag · 27/04/2018 09:34

Oh crikey, this is easy! Scrap the wedding, enjoy your holiday! x

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/04/2018 09:37

An invite isn’t a summons

Always wanted to write that 😂😂😂

Seriously though you have plans so say sorry can’t xome as away on holiday

Lizzie48 · 27/04/2018 09:39

Definitely give the wedding a miss. No one cancels a holiday that's already been booked for a wedding. I was once on a family holiday in Canada when a close friend got married. She was totally cool about it.

Zaphodsotherhead · 27/04/2018 09:39

What would you have done if you'd been on holiday in France, or Ireland or Slovenia rather than Yorkshire? You wouldn't think twice about declining because it's too far to travel back, so don't think twice about declining just because you might just possibly with a lot of convoluted planning be able to manage from Yorkshire.

Let your OH go if he wants to. He won't because it will be too much of a faff without someone else doing all the planning for him, I bet!

SleepingStandingUp · 27/04/2018 09:40

Could you stay with DV and Ddog and he do the drive alone? He wouldn't have to worry about so many stops as he would with DC and can see everyone, explain you're away on holiday and it was too far etc then come back to you. Our he can decline but unfortunately you're away

Original poster

Cath2907 · 27/04/2018 09:42

Glad I am not being unreasonable. I wouldn't mind him going solo but he wouldn't be able to take the car. The holiday we are on involves day's out with the other participants every day hiking and BBQing and doing "stuff". We couldn't be stranded at the campsite for 2 days and my parents campervan doesn't have enough seats for 2 add-ons. If he can sort a train from Yorkshire to Southern England I'd drop him at the station.

As for closeness to the cousin in question. They certainly never see or speak to each other outside of these family events. I think he saw her at Xmas at a family funeral DD and I couldn't attend but as far as I know they didn't talk (at least he didn't mention it but I assume she was there). He's never met her partner that I know of. He very much feels part of the clan and thinks these family events are really important. I have a tiny family and we rarely see each other so it all seems a bit odd to me! DD and I go when we can. We did a 40th wedding anniversary party last year and a Great-Nanas birthday a couple of years before that.

OP posts:

Ricoetbello · 27/04/2018 09:50

How long have you known about the wedding? Did you know about it before you booked the holiday?
Considering you go every year to this holiday which is not abroad I don't see what the problem is.
Plus I'm sure they'all be other members of your DH family there that he might want to spend time with as well as them spending time with your children.

theeyeofthestormchaser · 27/04/2018 09:53

You've already made plans! You can't go to the wedding! Simple.

If your h wants to go by himself, he can. You might be glad of the space. Your festival sounds great fun.

ClopChops · 27/04/2018 09:56

Yeah definitely decline.

Also, I hope this doesn’t sound rude, but if you’re not close to these cousins it’s possible you were invited out of politeness and they might not mind too much you not being there I was thrilled when our cousins declined our wedding invitation

yorkshireyummymummy · 27/04/2018 10:02

Booked holiday trumps wedding or relative that you don’t see much.
Politely decline and send a nice card with an M&S voucher in it.

Then, go on holiday with your family and try to repair your own marriage. Spend time with your hubby. Your marriage is much more important than a distant relatives.
Hope you have a super time. As you can see by my user name I think Yorkshire is the best place on the planet!!

ShinyShooney · 27/04/2018 10:18

I am confused by your DD being an only child but having a niece and nephew

Original poster

Cath2907 · 27/04/2018 11:12

I have one child, my sister has 2 and my SIL has 4 so I actually have 2 nieces and 2 nephews. Only my sister kids would be on the holiday though. 3 kids camping, only 1 is mine! They are her cousins, my niece and nephew sorry!

OP posts:

BrownTurkey · 27/04/2018 13:11

I think it is his call in these circumstances. You can of course say and do what you wish.

Jeni29 · 27/04/2018 13:23

We had a very similar issue, my BEST FRIEND was getting married and we had a holiday booked. We don’t get out much and I explained to my friend that I wouldn’t be able to make it. They then changed the wedding date (it wasn’t set in stone, I am also sure other factors came into it)
Anyway, it’s the weekend before we go away, as both are at the other end of the country we couldn’t do both. Not to mention moving house two weeks prior to that, to add to things.
So, I’m going to the wedding, leaving OH and kids behind.
You just need to do what’s practical, as others have said, you stay and let OH go.

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