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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to not accept an apology?

10 replies

Celp28 · 25/04/2018 21:42

I may just be being a little precious 😂 so a bit of background....

I have work with a woman, let’s call her A, for 4 years. She is often grumpy and snappy and often makes ridiculous, spontaneous decisions that have a detrimental impact on our working conditions. I work in a team of 6, including myself, and the other 4 colleagues are all of the opinion that A is a bitch. I somewhat agree at times but I try to see the best in everyone and I let a lot of her behaviour slide as I feel life’s too short to sweat about it. So today she asked me about an email an outside agency had sent yesterday about a client of mine. I immediately loaded up my emails and saw that said client had emailed to re-arrange a meeting originally scheduled for today. No big deal, fired back an email stating my availability for the rest of the week and asked them to let me know what time suited them. She then asked me again about it and I explained what I had done. She stood up and flounced out of the room and shouted at me that I was ‘so rude’. I was perplexed so followed her asking what the problem was. She told me I’d made her feel stupid and had ignored her request for information. I was rather confused as I had immediately responded and told her about the email (i admit I was thinking ‘fuck of and deal with your own clients’ but I didn’t say this). She then called me an idiot, she said ‘you are an idiot, I could of pointed out to everyone that you are stupid but because you are stupid you wouldn’t get it’ I was shocked and walked out of the room, rather confused and rather pissed off. It was just mind blowing! Anyway, later she came to my office and did this stupidly grand wide armed kind of bear hug and said ‘sorry about earlier’. I just stood there awkwardly, not reciprocating the hug and said ‘thank you for your apology but I’m not going to say it’s ok as I don’t feel it’s ok to name call over anything, let alone something so ridiculous’. She was massively pissed off and made a big show to all my colleagues that I am trying to win a popularity contest and I’m out to get her! Wtf?!? Was ibu? Is it suddenly acceptable to poke your nose into someone else’s work and then personally insult them for no reason whatsoever? I know I should let it go, and I don’t want to mention it tomorrow, but I just felt like it wasn’t ok and I wanted to say I didn’t think it was ok iyswim?

OP posts:
leighdinglady · 25/04/2018 21:44

Well done! Perfect response. Although I'd report her as well. No one should talk to a colleague like that

Nameynamechangeforthis · 25/04/2018 21:45

erm no you are not being unreasonable! i think she'd be in for a disiplinary if you followed up on it. You just can't call people stupid/idiot in the workplace

SomeKnobend · 25/04/2018 21:48

I think I'd complain to HR. Seems like she's been getting away with low level bullying for so long she's decided she can say and do whatever she wants with no consequences. Her behaviour was completely unprofessional and unacceptable and I think you did the right thing.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/04/2018 21:49

Don’t blame you.

Celp28 · 25/04/2018 22:04

Thank you. I’m a bit of a pushover usually and I let things go for an easy life! But today just really got to me. My dh has said I should report it but I’d rather not as I don’t want it to get out of hand. Hopefully my non acceptance will make her think about it befoshe does it again 🤞 but then again probably not!

OP posts:
Coralcolouredchrome · 25/04/2018 22:06

Good for you Celp28 If I were you, show her there are no hard feelings by making her a nice cup of tea, and piss in it.😀

WeirdyMcBeardy · 25/04/2018 22:08

She is an absolute twat and I wouldn't have even thanked her for that apology. She is hugely unprofessional and someone needs to talk to her.

mynameismrbloom · 25/04/2018 22:12

You don't need to accept any apology if you don't want to. (For some people my MIL it is just an excuse to do it again.)

Don't mention it tomorrow. If she does, you could just say that she was insulting twice yesterday and you have no wish to pretend that everything is OK when it obviously isn't.

Gemini69 · 25/04/2018 22:22

She's a Space Hopper.. tell her to do one... Flowers

Shizzlestix · 25/04/2018 22:25

Excellent response, OP! Please do tell HR, or she’ll carry on behaving irrationally and being excessively rude to others. Make a stand.

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