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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Weird?

22 replies

coffeebreaks · 21/04/2018 21:08

Many moons ago, before husband and babies, I was engaged. It didn't end well at the time but we were both young and have grown up a lot and have spoken since. In our engagement we spoke about getting married abroad in a specific place. Back to present day, I recently found out ex fiancé is now getting married, abroad in this specific place...AIBU to think it's just a little bit wired?
I'm very happily married these days, live my family and wouldn't change my life for the world, so no element of jealousy on my part, I'm glad he's found someone that suits him but just find it a little bit weird??

OP posts:

mangomama91 · 21/04/2018 21:12

Yeah I think it's a bit weird. And would find it weird my fiancé suggesting a specific place he wanted to marry an ex. But I guess if she's aware and she's happy with it and they're both happy about it then good for them, it is their day and up to them. So no j don't think yabu

user1471517900 · 21/04/2018 21:13

Doesn't sound that weird to me. He obviously loves the place so why not.

ISaidIWasTired · 21/04/2018 21:13

Probably just coincidence...

youngnomore · 21/04/2018 21:14

Maybe he likes that specific spot. Nothing to do with you?

Grasslands · 21/04/2018 21:15

Obviously he liked the place. Weird only if it’s in the jungle with a voodoo theme. Not so much if it’s a Mexico destination wedding venue.

AnyFucker · 21/04/2018 21:15

How is this of any consequence to you ? It's "weird" you give it a second thought, tbh.

PinotMwah · 21/04/2018 21:15

I don't think its particularly weird tbh. He obviously had a romantic fantasy about getting married in this place and he's now found someone he wants to get married to and is doing it here. I can see its a bit galling to have found out it wasn't specific to you but from his perspective if it didn't work out with you there's no reason why that destination has to be specific to you.

The reality is that quite often people transfer elements of their romantic life onto new partners after they split up with old ones. Mildly depressing but fairly routine.

Idontdowindows · 21/04/2018 21:17

My ex-fiance was in a relationship twice after me with women with my first name (and it's not a common first name either). He married the second one. We didn't even have monogrammed towels, so it can't have been for that

Poshindevon · 21/04/2018 21:18

Whats weird about it. This place is obviously the venue where your ex fiance dreamed of marrying. Is he not allowed to fulfill his dreams?
Many women dream of marrying in a specific place but he is not allowed to do that because that was the place he discussed marrying you.
I think there is a grain of jealousy, mind your own business and look after your own life not his.

Thebluedog · 21/04/2018 21:21

Yeah it is weird... but some people are like that, they have specific things they want to do. My exh was like this. We got married on St Lucia, he married his second wife in Antigua, we had a specific breed of dog. I wanted another and to call it a specific name, I found out he bought the same dog and named it the name I wanted to.

Yes it’s weird and not what I’d do, but theres nowt queer as folk. To me it hardly makes the event special if he’d planned to do the same with you

Original poster

coffeebreaks · 21/04/2018 21:22

Yeah, i guess if it was the other way around and it was a female getting married in the same place, probably wouldn't have blinked an eye. I guess I forgot men can be romantic thinkers in that sense too!
Also, to the pp - I wasn't insinuating it had anything to do with me. I just thought it was weird, or perhaps nostalgic even Either way, they seem very suited for each other and I think it's brilliant. Everyone deserves happiness

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Original poster

coffeebreaks · 21/04/2018 21:30

@Poshindevon no jealously what so ever. I think when you truly move on from someone you're happy to watch them do the same.

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Love51 · 21/04/2018 21:32

I knew where I wanted to get married from the age of about 10. To be fair, I was a chorister there, but I always knew I wanted to get married there. If my eventual fiance had similar strong feelings I might have had to abandon that plan, but in the event I did get married there.
I think it's an odd thing though when someone makes you think you want something when it is what they want. It is a strange realisation that they planted that in your head. I know a few people who have relationships where they have a joint opinion on everything, I think itust be really hard when they break up and have to re-evaluate everything.

Puffycat · 21/04/2018 21:35

It’s not weird in the least! It’s just bugged you large that he’s doing what you talked about. It was a dream of his so let it go!
Why should you give a shit ?

Original poster

coffeebreaks · 21/04/2018 22:04

@Puffycat your comment was pretty rude, why don't you reread what I wrote rather than pull insinuations out the air! Nothing has bugged me, I think it's great he's getting married, why would I not? All I was saying was I found it weird! I then held my hands up and said I did t really consider men having a romantic side like that as in the stereotypical 'girls plan their wedding day as soon as they can speak'

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Louiselouie0890 · 21/04/2018 22:07

I think it's weird your over thinking it

NewYearNewMe18 · 21/04/2018 22:09

What would be weird would be a bloke having major input into his own wedding. Never met a bloke who didn't just go along with the bride! Except on MN of course where they all take an avid interest in floral arrangements and colour schemes.

LeighaJ · 21/04/2018 22:16

He probably fell in love with the place and idea of getting married there and that didn't change after he fell out of love with you.

Or maybe it was also her dream place to get married.

Since you all almost got married then you probably had things in common and since he's marrying his now fiancee then they likely also have things in common. Like how my husband and I have both always wanted to visit Australia long before we even met.

mavismcruet · 21/04/2018 22:22

My friends oh proposed to her and his ex in the same place. It was abroad in a very remote, spectacular setting. I thought that was a bit weird.

They had also planned their wedding in the same church and venue. But that was local so not quite as

He also has taken her to other places on holiday and stayed in the same hotels he took his ex to.

He is a nice man, she seems happy (married about 10 years). He is just a creature of habit and very set in his ways. Possibly like your ex.

FannyFaceAche · 21/04/2018 22:30

I have an ex-fiance who did something very similar. I broke off our engagement, he found someone else within two months, a few months after that (4-5 I think) I heard that they'd got married abroad in the city where we were going to have our honeymoon using the refunded money from the honeymoon hotel!!! OMG, I laughed! But it was weird. I think he just must've really had it in his head that that's where he wanted to go to, so that was that. Same place, different girl. But I still found it weird.

Puffycat · 21/04/2018 22:41

Oh coffeebreaks
I’m sorry if I offended you but you need to let it go

Original poster

coffeebreaks · 21/04/2018 23:33

Thanks @Puffycat apology accepted!

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