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AIBU?

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Original poster

Driving instructor harrassment

17 replies

reddingtn · 05/04/2018 12:29

I posted before about my driving instructor's inappropriate behaviour. He has commented on my bra, sniffed my hair, leaned over me into the footwell and touched my leg, leaned over me repeatedly to adjust the windscreen wipers when I asked him not to amongst other things.

I ended up recording him as it was so bad, but did nothing with it. I ended up cancelling lessons as I couldn't bear to be in the car with him. Then I told him on the phone that I didn't want to continue lessons and why. He went absolutely ballistic at me, calling me all sorts and I think I'm all that. Then he rang my dp who took his side. He was furious and threatened to come to my house, so I threatened police. He then went to our local pub and slagged me off to all our mutual friends, calling me a liar and the rest of it.

I don't know what to do. I could report him to the regulating body but won't get the money back I paid upfront (only used 30% of what I paid). Could take him to small claims. Could report him to police. I'm actually scared of going into our small town in case I run into him or someone he's told. I'm now a pariah in our town Sad

Dp has been unsupported. Think he thinks it wasn't 'bad enough' and I shouldn't rock the boat. I suffer from anxiety anyway and I'm just a mess. What should I do?

OP posts:
NapQueen · 05/04/2018 12:31

The absolute first thing to do is leave your dp. That is horrific!

Second thing is to speak to the Police about the behaviour intimidation and continued harrassement.

CowesTwo · 05/04/2018 12:31

Erm, your husband thinks you shouldn't 'rock the boat'??? He's ok with you being sexually harassed in a small, intimate space? That's almost worse, no in fact IT IS worse than what you've being putting up with.
Are there no other driving instructors you could go to?

TheShaniaTwainExperience · 05/04/2018 12:32

Fucking hell. He’s an animal. His reaction is indicative of a guilty conscience. And shame on your dp for not sticking by you, he can go to hell aswell.

It’s easy for an outsider to urge you to report it but it’s you that has to live in your town and it’s easier said than done. I don’t have any useful advice but I’m really sorry this is happening to you. X

Holycrapwhatnow · 05/04/2018 12:32

Definitely report him to police, if you feel up to it. Not sure if a secret recording is allowed as official evidence but show them anyway. It never happens that someone harrases just one person, I bet there are a ton of traumatised teenage girls out there and they might also come forward once you do.

Has your DH seen the recording? His behaviour sounds awful too, he should be supporting you. Hope you feel better soon.

Nothisispatrick · 05/04/2018 12:34

Well, leave your DP for one.

Then get a new instructor.

Firstimefreaked · 05/04/2018 12:34

Phone 111 and get some advice, no one has the right to touch you without permission especially if you have said to stop. He has also been slanderous which is a bigger deal in a small place.

Original poster
reddingtn · 05/04/2018 12:35

Dp is away atm and maybe I've got the wrong end of the stick, so we'll talk when he gets back.

If I do anything re the instructor word will get round. He won't be charged, it'll just be a pain for him. I really don't know if I can antagonise him

OP posts:
SpringNowPlease2018 · 05/04/2018 12:36

you have recordings of this?

Tbh it depends how brave you are feeling whether you take legal action. I'm not sure what the law is on recording things though. Reporting him to his professional body should be fine though I'm not sure if the police can take the recording.

I would leave your DP by the way - he is clearly as big a shit as the instructor.

are you the poster who said their instructor made a weird comment about people thinking you are a prostitute because he picked you up on a street?

IAmWonkoTheSane · 05/04/2018 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catspaws · 05/04/2018 12:36

Your DP is an absolute shit.

I would report to the police and to the DVLA (is that the right body? Not sure). He could be doing this to all of his students and some of them will be teenagers.

I'm so sorry OP, I hope you are ok x

Original poster
reddingtn · 05/04/2018 12:41

I've got the recording and dp has heard it.

OP posts:
Original poster
reddingtn · 05/04/2018 12:43

I just feel so alone, like no one has my back. It's like unless you're full on raped men don't take it seriously.

OP posts:
NapQueen · 05/04/2018 12:45

Do the instructors have to be registered with DVLA or equivalent?

SofieMonde · 05/04/2018 12:53

www.gov.uk/complain-about-a-driving-instructor

Contact DVSA if your driving instructor is behaving inappropriately, for example:

using unnecessary physical contact

SofieMonde · 05/04/2018 12:54

www.cleverdodo.co.uk/report-driving-instructor/23

Original poster
reddingtn · 05/04/2018 18:46

Ugh. I did call the police when he was at his peak of aggression/threats hadn't returned their calls re making a report as I was still unsure for above reasons. Just heard from them and I have to make a report, even if I sign something that says I don't want to take it further. I don't want to go through it all tomorrow Sad

OP posts:
SofieMonde · 05/04/2018 20:38

Be brav e what if he does it to someone eslse you will have stopped him good luck

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