to withdraw from voluntary group because they do things differently to me

[StrangeAndUnusual]

A couple of years ago I offered to help at a volunteer group for an activity my children do. Mainly because I thought I ought to pitch in since my kids benefit from it.

But I find it a bit stressful. I just don't gel with the other volunteers, which is more to do with me than them, I think, since they all get on very well (and some are new members).

In part, I think it's that they work in a very loose, last minute way - lots of emails about can someone do x this week, who's around to help with y etc. Lots of pitching-in and helping out etc. Nice, obviously, but it just doesn't fit with my way of doing things. I am a very (over) organised person and like to have clear who's doing what etc. in advance. (I am a project manager at work and this is just how I do things!)

I feel I'm clearly annoying people with my way of doing things, and their way stresses me out. I feel bad about saying I'm not going to help anymore since my kids get a lot out of it.

WWYD?

That would drive me mad too.

You're not going to change them. So you either leave, put up with it, or offer to step in as a "manager" type role.

That would drive me mad too and I volunteer a lot in many different capacities.

Best to find a volunteer activity that does gel with how you work, otherwise you're going to end up walking away in frustration at some point.

Is there any way of doing something helpful which doesn't involve fitting around the others and their timescale? Making/finding/supplying something which you can keep always available to them when they make their mind up when they need it IYKWIM? Without knowing the activity it's hard to come up with an example.

Tricky without more info. Is it a regular activity? Could you perhaps offer a certain amount of time on a particular day each week? If you commit to a certain timeframe you'd be helping regularly and then since you offer the regular involvement you could step away from the ad-hoc calls for aid??
If it is the ad-hoc aspect that you don't like then you could remove yourself just from that. Either that or offer to take over the planning completely. But if time doesn't allow you to take over you have to offer a solution or step away entirely.

Well if it doesn’t suit you, and you don’t suit them, leave. It’s great that you want to take on responsibility in your kids activities like this though. So it seems a ahame

I remember when my DS first joined a new school I joined the PTA as a way to meet people. I offered to undertake a task at the first meeting. Did it and sent it back during the first week after the meeting, the next meeting was 6 weeks later and no-one else had done any of the things they were supposed to other than the Chair. So I would be asked to do the "neccessary" jobs as she knew I would do them. She said she was so relived I had joined as she had a kindred spirit now.

When that Chair stepped down I did too because I knew I would get lumbered and by then I knew other people too.

It really isn't worth the stress. let them get on with it!

but you are not at work here, it is a different mind set, step back. if you volunteer every week does it matter? you just get on with what you do perhaps? or are your activities changed at the last minute? A lesson in flexibility?

Nope, you’re not BU.

Disorganised, last minute, faffing about drives me nuts.

You’ve done two years, if all parents did as much as you then they’d have plenty of help.

You don’t need ‘lessons in flexibility’. Being organised is not a crime.

I can see why it annoys you but if I was one of the other volunteers and you tried to force your way of working on me I'd be annoyed. I think you need to withdraw from the group if you can't relax a bit and enjoy the laid back nature of it.

Sometimes this is how volunteer groups work, because people don't know what time they will have far in advance. I do volunteer work, but also have a very ill relative. I have to be at work, so am also very organised there. Outside of work when I make arrangements in advance, and I make very few, they always have to be provisional as I may have to cancel and sort relative out. Many people have the same sort of unpredictability in their life outside of work.

Surely there's room for both ways. Some things need organising and it helps if you are busy, some not reliable but will help in crisis or step in last minute

You could offer to organise particular events because it sounds like they need your skills.

Also although I have also project managed, outside of work I would have to step away from any volunteer group run in this way. It simply would not be feasible with the demands in my personal life. Luckily the Chair of the group I volunteer for is very organised, but also understands that people do what they can and works to accommodate that.

Agree with many others, try to find yourself some standalone role that you can do all by yourself. If you really want to stay.

Is there another way you could contribute? You sound really organised and on the ball, so maybe you could sort out a newsletter, or offer to run a website for the group? Something that lets you play to your strengths and enjoy it again.

If you have done a few years and there are other people to do what needs to be done then I don't see what is wrong with moving on and leaving them to it. You need to get some satisfaction from volunteering, you have already given back so unless there is an obligation for everyone to be involved maybe it's time to call it a day.

I think the thing with volunteering is that you are giving your time voluntarily. You don't have to do it. If it is no longer working for you, then don't.

I recently ended a volunteering commitment where I had tried, for a very long time, to meet some pretty stringent registration requirements with almost zero support from the organisation itself. In the end I gave up and was pretty clear about why. The weight off my mind has been quite significant.

Just move on to something else - that is your perfect 'out'.

'So sorry, I have to step down because I am starting my new role as chair of the local hedgehog protection society'.