Would you want to know?

[PeapodBurgundy]

Inspired be the two threads that have been kicking off this evening. I know they've turned out to be somebody with a bit too much time on their hands, but the range of reactions as got me thinking. If there was somebody being nice to your face, but snide/bitchy behind your back, would you want to know? Would it make a difference who they were? (e.g. your biological family, in laws, close friend, acquaintance etc).

I'm not talking having a rant or a vent about the odd thing here and there, that's just being human. I'm thinking more along the lines of somebody having such distain for the way you live your life that mockery of it is a regular topic of conversation. I get that with family it can be hard to just not have anything to do with them, regardless of the fact that you don't get along, but surely it's better to just have minimal contact and leave it at that? Or am I being simplistic and naïve?

I think I'd want to know personally, whoever it was.

Yes, so I could confront them and cut the two faced shit out of my life.

It depends. If it were someone I considered a good friend and I was trusting with personal information then yes. If it were just a colleague or someone I didn’t really give a fuck about then no because I honestly don’t care.

I do worry about a close friend. We have a lot in common and the same group of friends but I’ve heard the way she talks about just about everyone behind their backs and I’m sure she does the same about me.

That's my thought too. I was rooting for the seemingly imaginary SIL to find out, but not because I wanted to watch a Jeremy Kyle style fallout, but because I thought she'd been treated very unfairly, and in her shoes, I would want to know.

I have a cousin who says things about me behind my back. I know because our cousin is friendly with us both and tells me. I like to know, it means I don't get paranoid about what's being said and can just shrug it off. If I knew she didn't like me but didn't know what she was saying I'd probably spend too much time worrying about it.

Yes I'd want to know. Forewarned is forearmed, I could then decide how to deal with it.

Posted in response to Tenancy. I'd like to know whoever it was. If I acted on it would be dictated by who they are. I can't bare smiling assassins.

I wouldnt want to know nor would I care.. unless... it was actually affecting me in someway because of who the conversation was between. For example someone I knew told someone who was friends with my boyfriend that I had slept with them (totally untrue, never so much as shook hands with this man!) So obv it got back to my boyfriend at the time who did not react well. It was all petty bullshit really and I was better off without any of those people being close to me in the long run.... however I was mighty pissed off because there was no point to any of it! I mean why say that? so odd.

But people just have a bit of a bitch or moan about you to their friends I dont really care about because I think people say all sorts of stuff dependant on their mood. Its not even an indicator that that is really what they think about you or that they dont like you. Theres always more evidence if someone actually doesnt like you than just one or two throwaway bitchy comments.

So I wouldnt want to know or care about general nasty comments about me no. And im very suspicious of people who take it upon themselves to relay these things back to you when theres absolutely no point in you knowing about them beyond shit stirring for the sake of drama!

If it was someone I knew and trusted then yes, most definitely, I'd want to confront them.

If it was someone I knew and didn't care all that much about (a colleague or not very good acquaintance) I would rather not know -- its their right to have a bitch, I've done it myself so I'd be a hypocrite if I kicked off, I can't do anything about it and it would piss me off knowing they'd been doing it so easier all round just not to know.

People do bitch behind one another's backs: its a fact of life and there's very little you can do about it. Even people you know and love do it, so what hope do you have of stopping people you don't really love.

I would want to know, regardless of who it was. I wouldn't necessarily do/say anything, but I would want to know that I couldn't trust that person.

I have a "friend" who does this. She slags off everyone from family members to her other mates behind their backs, I am not naive enough to think she doesn't do it to me. Consequently, I keep her very much at arms length. I am polite (have to work with her) and will chat about day to day trivial things, but never divulge any secrets or personal matters. I also don't take anything she says seriously. Honestly, its her problem, not mine. She can talk about me a she wishes. It just makes her sad as fuck and eventually word will get around and she will have nobody.

No thank you. Don't need to know.

SoozC Are you sure your cousin isn't just stirring it, and lying to you? I've seen people do that.

If it was causing trouble for me I suppose I'd want to know.

I think you can normally tell. People that slag you off behind your back give you a vibe.

Agree that anyone who slags people off ( we all have a occasional moan but there are people who do it more often and about more people) should be kept at a sanitary arms length in case they also do it about you.

Couldn’t give a flying fart. As I get older my old dads words come back to me . If you don’t care they don’t matter. Don’t bother yourself about what others may say

Yeah I have a colleague like this, she thinks she is the bees knees in the work place, popular and well liked...once over she was a well respected member of the team, but now people are starting to see through her...she can not go a day without calling someone names or have a bee in her bonnet about someone (even supposedly close friends at work are not safe from her slagging off rants)

What she does not realise is that she works with intelligent people not dim wits.

Her team is slowly beginning to fall apart and are starting to stand up to her and her bullying ways...but do you know what she thinks she is a victim, completely cant see any wrong doing on her part...its sad

The word bully would never resonate with her but it is exactly what she is, as well as two faced, hypocrite and just plain nasty.

UpstartCrow, absolutely sure. She's one of the nicest people I know and we've been close for years.

This struck a chord with me!

I found evidence of my ex boss slagging me off (basically lying about my capabilities) to another colleague.

I confronted her, told her a few home truths. It felt good, really good to put her in her place.

Agree that anyone who slags people off ( we all have a occasional moan but there are people who do it more often and about more people) should be kept at a sanitary arms length in case they also do it about you.

I think I would go further with this one. You need to assume that they do.

I agree with Sierra. I’d want to know if I should keep my guard up with someone.

Depends on who does the telling, their reason for telling and how they do it

Yes I would want to know. Because once I did t know and it has caused me a world of pain finding out later...