To be upset with mil

[LLO7]

Hello,
So I am pregnant with my second, already have a 2 year old son. My mil has four sons, and two grandsons, and always wanted a daughter.
She is desperate for me to have a girl! I am very newly pregnant- only 8 weeks but mil won't stop with comments such as 'it better be a girl this time' 'only want a pink one or you can send it back'- now I know she is joking, but there is also some truthfulness in it and I am feeling sad she seems more concerned about the sex of my baby rather than the health.
I am also worried that if I do have a girl, my son will be 'forgotten' and will feel jealous and upset that the baby comes across as the favourite.
I do have a brilliant relationship with my mil but I also have no backbone so don't really say anything back other than just changing the subject!
Not sure what I want from this post, just having a rant!

Well as it's the sperm that dictates if it's a boy or girl, it's her son's "fault" if she gets another gs!

There seems a wideheld belief that a complete family is mum, dad, older son, younger daughter. At the moment you're the only one for whom DC2 is tangible, to anyone else he/she is just a concept, and of course in that conceptual sense, of course she'd like you to have a daughter! Once he/she arrives, see what MIL's reaction is. At the moment, it really doesn't mean anything.

When I went in for second CS, nurse asked "what did you you have last time", then to doctor "Let's try for a girl this time, shall we?" I just didn't know where to start on that one!

Well as it's the sperm that dictates if it's a boy or girl, it's her son's "fault" if she gets another gs But which sperm wins the race is determined in part by conditions on the day, and that's down to the mother!

But which sperm wins the race is determined in part by conditions on the day, and that's down to the mother!

True but it might be embarrassing enough to shut mil up about it!

I know this is grating on you, but you know as well as all of us that you have no choice over pink or blue :)

I don’t think that there will be favouritism, I think that’s normal pregnancy hormones creating drama etc, you need to try to stop worrying about what hasn’t happened, and find the confidence to know that whatever comes your way, you’ll manage it and it will be ok.

The only thing that’s important is that you stay healthy and give your little one as best a chance as possible

Congrats on the pg.

Next time she says anything I'd just say "I'm so sorry you are so disappointed in your boys, but I think they've turned out great and I'd be happy just as happy to have another boy as I would be to have a girl"

YANBU. Drop some gentle hints “as long as it’s healthy we don’t mind if it’s a boy or girl” “I think DS1 would love a little brother” etc etc

I hate those kinds of comments. Why should it matter what sex the baby is as long as you have a healthy baby? But that's because I've so often had people ask me, 'But wouldn't your DH like a little boy to play trains with?' Hmm, can't he do that with his 2 DDs? They love going on trains and going to York Railway Museum.

Such sexist stereotyping really gets to me. Your MIL saying, 'I only want a pink one' would really annoy me.

There was some research done by a uni that suggested that boys ran in families - like a genetic predisposition.

I think it's sad and would tell her her comments are hurtful.

However she's not alone, there are numerous parents who want a certain sex and aren't happy when the scan reveals it's not the one they wanted. Sad and selfish.

Tell her you have no issue dressing a boy in pink if that's what suits him

I feel for you. Dh has two brothers, a son, two nephews. I had twins. When they were born fil said. "Oh no, two boys" I couldn't look him in the eye. Tbf, he then treated them all the same way. (With disinterest) even his two subsequent granddaughters.
Never forgave him till he died.

Maybe you could make it clear that you hate pink and would never dress YOUR child in it, and if you do get a girl, she will be a real tomboy like her dad and brother. You can't bear all this girly, princessy shite, can you? (You can always go back on this later, if you must ) Then FGS don't tell ANYONE what you are having until birthday.

My FIL was like this, in a very similar situation. Just obsessive. Kept telling me he was SURE it was a girl this time! A little granddaughter!

I reminded him that he'd said exactly the same thing to me when I was pregnant with my first child, DS.

In the end it was indeed a girl (much as I'd wanted to have a boy just to piss him off) and he made much more fuss over her than over DS. Luckily FIL wasn't around for long after that. He was a piece of work in this and many other ways.

My DM was like this (I have 2 boys). Boys run in DHs family. This isn’t a problem for me. When she discovered DS1 was a boy her response was “oh no it’s not is it”.

When I was pregnant with DS2 she was telling me that if I concentrated on it being a girl then it would be. Erm, don’t think it works like that mother!

Batshit. Utterly batshit.

Then she told all and sundry that I really wanted a girl and that I was only saying I had no preference as I didn’t want the disappointment. This ended up putting my brother in a really awkward position, because when I told him I was having a boy he said “I’m sorry to hear that, I believe you wanted a girl”.

I didn’t speak to DM about it, I told my DF, and I think he had a word. Years down the line, she seems to have stopped this nonsense and ultimately we do get on better.

I can see how this would be hurtful OP. Obviously I don't know the woman so can only hope she is joking like you say. I would reiterate what a pp said in that as long as the baby is healthy that's all that's important and hope she gets the message.

Each and every time she opens her fat mouth to make another ridiculous comment about the baby being a girl, say, "All your son and I care about is if the baby is healthy. That's the most important thing, don't you agree?"

my MIL left the room and cried when DC 2 was ANOTHER boy (very similar set up to your family, lots of sons, nephews and grandsons)
I don't know what would have happened if he had have been a girl, but I had the exact fear you had, that the baby would have been a favourite and my other child would have been pushed out. I comforted myself that she might have initially been like that, but the novelty would wear off and the girl would have her own personality that MIL might not find much different than the boys etc

She is being absolutely ridiculous and you need to respond or it will just get worse.

If it is a girl make sure you make a point of not dressing her in pink frills. I think gender neutral clothes would just tip your MIL over the edge. You could also do the fashionable thing and use a boys name too

For goodness sake why on earth would you urge someone to dress a girl in gender neutral clothes and use a boy's name liquid? That's really odd.

Your mil has been surrounded by males for years and years and would like a granddaughter. Nothing wrong with that. Lots of people feel that way whether they admit it or not.
I'm sure if your mil knew it was upsetting you she would stop You say you have a brilliant relationship so you should be able to tell her?

I think I'd be a bit the same after all those boys, it's only banter if she's a good MIL she'll love it whatever

I think I'd just say in a lightish tone "I know you're only kidding but it stresses me out when you say that"

OR

Employ the old 'friend' white lie-

"so and so at work keeps going on about me having a girl this time, and it's pissing me off!"