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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About PIL and bill splitting

76 replies

Fakeplasticcheese · 25/02/2018 10:14

We visited SIL (DHs sister) this weekend, staying in a hotel in her home town. PIL came over for the day. We went to the cinema and for a meal. For context we have two kids and SIL has a partner but currently lives alone (and was alone when we met) and has no children. DH and his sister are both early 40s and very close in age.

For both the meal and the cinema PIL paid for themselves and SIL, and we picked up the bill for our family. It was done very openly and left DH feeling pissed off. It's not about the money (and no-one attending would struggle to pay for a cinema ticket and pub lunch - though I have been unemployed for two months) but the openly biased treatment.

Unfortunately they do have form. We would probably be non-contact if we didn't have children.

Is DH BU to be peeved? Or should it wash over him? Does anyone else have parents or in-laws who do this kind of thing?

OP posts:
FlibbertyGiblets · 25/02/2018 10:16

Was that not a way to split in two quite easily? (Three adults v two adults and two children?)

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 25/02/2018 10:20

So your husband is pissed off that his parents paid for his sister's cinema ticket and not his? Or did you think they should have paid for everyone?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 25/02/2018 10:22

Sounds fair to me.

Original poster
Fakeplasticcheese · 25/02/2018 10:22

Possibly, but (for example) DH paid for cinema and then FIL asked how much two seniors and one adult was and reimbursed exactly that much... In the pub he ordered the food for the three of them separately. Also I'm not sure whether splitting the bill in half really is fair in the circumstances.

OP posts:
ShanghaiDiva · 25/02/2018 10:23

Not sure what the problem is? Did your husband want his parents to pay for his ticket too?

Original poster
Fakeplasticcheese · 25/02/2018 10:23

The issue question is why they paid for SIL and SIL only I guess? Is there any logic to that?

OP posts:
Helsingborg · 25/02/2018 10:24

Yes surely two kids tickets equates to one adult cinema ticket so that seems like a fair split. Same for the meal I suppose, two kids meals equates to one adult meal depending on what was ordered. I think that was fair.

1099 · 25/02/2018 10:25

Why isn't SIL paying for herself? Is that what you're asking?

RebelRogue · 25/02/2018 10:26

But why doesn't the sister have to pay for herself?
I assume that's the main issue.
You either pick up the tab for everyone,or everyone pays for themselves.

ShanghaiDiva · 25/02/2018 10:26

What's not fair? You paid for your family and children, as you should. Perhaps sil is reimbursing your in laws later. I think it's a non issue. Am sure your pils spend money on your children and as sil doesn't have any children, perhaps they see treating her as being fair to both their children.
My sil has no children and my pils would probably do the same.

Arapaima · 25/02/2018 10:26

Why does everyone think this is fair? Why shouldn’t SIL pay for herself?

1099 · 25/02/2018 10:26

Sorry X posted. I think it seems reasonable for him to be a bit peeved that they are paying for his sister for no apparent reason.

Helsingborg · 25/02/2018 10:27

Maybe they paid for your sil because they were visiting her. If they're old school like my mum then,she pays for me when she visits me even though I ask her not to. Please don't make a drama out of nothing, there are plenty of people here who have genuine tales of nasty in law behaviour.

TidyDancer · 25/02/2018 10:27

Do you know that SIL didn't pay PIL back? Surely PIL were just reimbursing your DH so he wasn't paying for anyone other than you, him and the DCs?

Original poster
Fakeplasticcheese · 25/02/2018 10:27

Not so much why didn't SIL pay for herself but why did they offer to pay for her directly (I heard the conversation). If the intention was a fair split surely better to offer to pay half? But even then not sure why half and half is necessarily 'fair'.

OP posts:
80sMum · 25/02/2018 10:27

I guess they did it that way because the visit was to your SIL and they maybe felt the visitee shouldn't pay. So, to split the bills in half seemed fair, with you paying half and them paying the other half. Splitting it the way they did probably seemed like the easiest and most convenient way of doing it.

Nikephorus · 25/02/2018 10:27

Well you can't expect them to fork out for all of you, kids and all. And equally you wouldn't want to fork out for them. So they paid for themselves and DH paid for you, and maybe they'd promised SIL that they'd pay for her. I can't see a problem there tbh. If it had just been DH and the 3 of them then yes I'd expect DH & SIL to be treated the same but it wasn't.

Vangoghsear · 25/02/2018 10:28

I suggest he just asks them why they paid for SIL.

NataliaOsipova · 25/02/2018 10:28

Maybe the arrangement PIL and SIL have is that they pay for her if they come to her and she pays for them if she goes to them? Maybe they were just doing it then you weren't saddled with any further bills and they'll sort it out between them another way?

People who see each other regularly often will "take turns"; they may have some sort of arrangement that you just aren't familiar with. I have a friend I see most weeks for lunch and we take it in turns. If we went out one week with other friends, I might well say, "Oh, I'll get Marge's" when the bill came. If they didn't know that Marge had bought my lunch last week, then it may look odd. Perhaps your SIL had treated them both last week?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 25/02/2018 10:29

Maybe sil was paying pil back afterwards, maybe she paid for them the last time they went out, maybe she's having money trouble. There are many reasons why they could have paid but I can't see any reason to get pissed off about it.

flumpybear · 25/02/2018 10:29

Perhaps SIL pays for them
Sometimes - but your family as a whole is far more expensive
Than one adult - splitting the bill in three is a bit awkward - I think you're getting the grumps over nothing

Nikephorus · 25/02/2018 10:29

Surely PIL were just reimbursing your DH so he wasn't paying for anyone other than you, him and the DCs?
That's actually the most logical.

lazyarse123 · 25/02/2018 10:29

Yanbu sil should have paid for herself. (They could have reimbursed her when you weren't there if they wanted). Either treat all or none.

Helsingborg · 25/02/2018 10:29

Or maybe your pils owes your sil money and they're reimbursing her by taking her out to the cinema and a meal. I think you're both being a bit petty.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 25/02/2018 10:30

Why isn't the SIL paying for anything? Is she 5?