Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

OH wants to move

17 replies

Idliketoteachtheworldtosing1 · 20/02/2018 00:52

I'm so torn, my OH wants to do a mutual exchange for a three bed away from our current area.
I completely get where he is coming from, the area is not very nice now and there are only two families that are decent. Our youngest has SN and will be going to a specialist school via taxi, the kids around here are very mean to him.
We have a daughter in year 2 of uni, she doesn't want to move and then we have our 19 year old son who agrees with his dad 100%.
Another reason I am reluctant is I have Carers come in twice a day as I'm disabled and the house has been adapted for me, the thought of having to go through all that rigmarole again actually makes me feel physically sick.
The rent is very high here, just under £200 a week, luckily OH is on fairly decent money, but this is where I am torn because I know we could find something much cheaper so would save a fortune but I love my house, we've been here 6 years now and are v settled, oh I really don't know what to do!

OP posts:

SparklyLeprechaun · 20/02/2018 01:05

Apart from the fact that the house was adapted for you there really is no good reason for you to stay.

Original poster

Idliketoteachtheworldtosing1 · 20/02/2018 01:28

The thought of having to pack everything up again fills me with dread, I hate moving!
My friend was saying that we have a good bargaining chip because there are not many 4 beds around here so we can afford to be picky about location, type of property etc.
Assuming the two eldest want to move with us if we do bite the bullet and go we will have to go for another four bed.
If we do move I'd love to go to a small village away from these horrible estates.

OP posts:

correctpiece · 20/02/2018 01:54

Take DD out of the equation. She's "left home", second year at uni? Does she live with you? Even if she does she needs to be independent now. She may graduate and get a job the other side of the world!

If you could wave a magic wand and be in a new house with carer all set up, would you do it? If so, then the stress factor can be managed. Would it be possible for you to go away while the packing and moving is done? Make that the deal with DH! If he really wants to go, he take it surely?!

You love your house but you may find another one you love just as much and not on an estate.

No harm in having a look...

Battleax · 20/02/2018 01:58

No harm in having a look...

This.

Maybe you’ll be lucky and find a three bed, 2 reception place which you could use as four bedrooms, giving you a ground floor bedroom and all the DC including uni DD would have upstairs bedrooms.

Original poster

Idliketoteachtheworldtosing1 · 20/02/2018 02:35

Well DD is intending to move home after she's from finished uni, she comes home quite frequently.
I like the idea of going away whilst the move took place, the most stressful thing would be having to arrange carers, adaptations, lifeline, doctors etc.
I know I sound like I'm trying to talk myself out of it, I'm not I'm just working out all the things that are going to have to be sorted, it's really daunting.
Thank you for all your advice.

OP posts:

PeaPodPopper · 20/02/2018 04:26

I get 2 things from this.................

my OH wants to move - Him

the most stressful thing would be having to arrange carers, adaptations, lifeline, doctors etc,I'm not I'm just working out all the things that are going to have to be sorted, it's really daunting. - You

Is your OH on board with all of the organising, or will that be left to you? If so, I'd be sitting down to some serious discussion before even thinking of 'going to have a look' .

Bowerbird5 · 20/02/2018 05:01

So could you take your time and move after DD has left Uni? If she has left home she will take her stuff( make sure she does our DD has a foot in each camp still) and that will be less stuff to move. Can you afford a packing company? Get DH to help list all the things that need doing with regards carers, doctors etc. Start a journal and keep a page for all this and another for anti procrastination days. The idea is to keep one day a week for doing this stuff. It makes you do it and you don't fret on the other days because you have a set day for it. It really works. I have been doing it for a few months and it stops anxiety about knowing you need to do it. If DH won't help get one of the carers to help you.
If you can get out and about with DH visit some of the places you might like to live and familiarise yourselves with the area. Talk to local people in villages. One they will tell you the drawbacks and two they might know of rental properties coming up.
If you start DH will be happy and you will get to take your time making good informed decisions. Enlist friends to help declutter slowly or pack some less used stuff away.
Take your time, get someone else to pack and move and it will be less stressful. I hope it works out for you. I felt sad leaving my last village by the sea but I love this house now. It is much more a home than the other house was.

Petalflowers · 20/02/2018 05:49

You say the house has been adapted for you. Who did the adaption. Can you afford to do that again. If 5he council, then would they be willing to do it again? How long would the process take?

Original poster

Idliketoteachtheworldtosing1 · 20/02/2018 11:22

To be honest my OH is useless at organising things so I think it would be down to me, I think we need to have a family meeting next week when DD comes home from uni, if we commit to move I really want it to be the last, it will be the 6th time in 14 years.
Thank you for all the advice I will take it all on board.
With regards to the adaptions our LA did them and it took 2 years to be finalised, another thing I have thought of I wonder if I need to stay X amount of years after the adaptions were done.
As you can see I'm so torn, realistically we cannot afford a packing company to come in, the older two will have to pull their weight as I'm physically unable to do all the things I used to when we moved here, I arranged everything and did nearly all the packing myself, I think we had over 30 boxes.
I'm going to start writing everything down so that we can all sit down and discuss it.
Thank you so much for the advice!

OP posts:

ExFury · 20/02/2018 11:32

You have to find out about the adaptions first and foremost. When adaptions were done on for my friend's DD they were told to seriously think about moving (they'd expressed an interest in it) before they were done because the council would only do one lot of adaptions unless any future move was done out of necessity.

Original poster

Idliketoteachtheworldtosing1 · 20/02/2018 12:10

Oh really? Thanks for that. Well that is my first port of call then, the move would not be out of necessity and we have had a lot of adaptions done and I suppose thinking about it we would probably only be able to exchange with someone that needs the same facilities, this is such a headache which I knew if would be.

OP posts:

fannyfelcher · 20/02/2018 12:14

Double check with the rules of your authority as mine you cant swap from an adapted property to a normal property unless your needs have changed. I did a swap a year ago today and that could only go ahead as both my old house, and the new one had adapted bathrooms and handrails etc.

I hated moving but OMG I love my new house so much. I am never ever leaving here!

timeisnotaline · 20/02/2018 12:16

You do sound very negative about it. If the adaptations make it a deal breaker then that’s that but if I were your dh I’d expect a genuine assessment, and you risk sounding like you’ve thought of all the negatives and closed the book. On your side I’d demand your dh to contribute, id totally refuse to mocenif it was dhs idea and he didn’t plan to play a significant role in the effort. your dds opinion to be irrelevant. It is very entitled for uni students to feel they have a voting right in the family housing decisions.

Lotsalotsagiggles · 20/02/2018 12:20

Depending what your disability is, you'd be able to apply for a grant to help with removal men and costs etc. The charity I work for offer this..

Original poster

Idliketoteachtheworldtosing1 · 20/02/2018 12:51

My mobility is very limited and I have some very expensive adaptions here.
My DD is very much a home bird especially since a family tragedy so I have to take her feelings into account as she will be moving with us, her uni is only 40 mins away which is why she comes home regularly.
I need to speak to the HA and the LA to see where I stand.

OP posts:

ExFury · 20/02/2018 13:04

I wouldn't be at all surprised if when you speak to the HA/LA it's all pretty much redundant anyway OP.

They won't do another set of expensive adaptions without a really good reason. Partly because of the cost and also because the chances of the person who is looking to swap needing those exact adaptions is likely very small and they won't be keen on someone taking up an adapted property unnecessarily.

Original poster

Idliketoteachtheworldtosing1 · 21/02/2018 08:53

I've spoken to a lady at our HA and she said pretty much the same thing but she is going to get someone more senior to call me.

OP posts:

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.