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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how you enjoyed being a SAHM?

23 replies

SilverBirchTree · 19/02/2018 03:15

Currently on parental leave with a 4 month old, so just emerging from the newborn haze and wondering...what now?

My career was demanding and most of my hobbies and social life were linked to what I do. I am at a loss now.

I love being with my baby, I have no desire to run back to work before he is a year old. So I suppose I am just wondering what people did/ do to find meaning and joy in their days while at home with a baby? (Apart from the inherently meaningful and joyful experience of being with their baby, obviously)

OP posts:

flumpybear · 19/02/2018 03:37

I wasn't a good SAHM but did join classes to make friends and adult conversation

I was better as a working mum

Minestheoneinthegreen · 19/02/2018 04:12

Couldn't bear it. Was incredibly depressed and found each day to be a struggle. As flumpy said, I'm a much better mum when I work.

noname687328 · 19/02/2018 04:17

I found it really difficult to begin with, having worked in a school and having a very set routine, I was suddenly left with all this free time! I went to baby groups, do you have many near you? I also met with other mums with babies the same age, I loved going out to eat too 😋 or shopping!!! Walks are always a good one. It was so easy while baby was happily in the pram, now I'm on my 3rd and am wondering when/how I'll start getting out the house 😝

AjasLipstick · 19/02/2018 04:22

Loved it so much I am still at home 14 years later.

But once my DC started nursery I started a small business which earns me the same sort of money as I would earn working a couple of days in a shop.

Obviously this wouldn't have been possible without DH's support and while he never has earned a lot, we don't spend much at all.

Now mine are bigger again I am going to move to the next level. My youngest is 9 and suddenly I have more free time as she's always off doing something with her friends.

HomeIsWhereTheGinisNow · 19/02/2018 04:23

I love it, but then I basically used the baby as an excuse to do everything I’d have done as a child-free adult on the weekend. So off I went to museums, galleries, shopping, walks... I basically did everything I was interested in, but pushing a pram before me. I did a couple of baby classes but you can only sing “the wheels on the bus” so many times before you want to hurl, so I found getting out and about with my baby was brilliant.

Original poster

SilverBirchTree · 19/02/2018 05:03

@HomeIs I would love to be doing that kind of stuff. How did you manage it? Do you plan it around when you expect the baby will sleep?

I feel like my baby would just scream the place down if I went anywhere cultured.

OP posts:

Original poster

SilverBirchTree · 19/02/2018 05:07

@ajus I would love to have a business that fit in with having small children. I thought seriously about starting a consulting practice while at home with bubs, but then the 4 month sleep regression hit and I wasn’t capable of doing anything for 3 weeks!

OP posts:

Raver84 · 19/02/2018 05:11

Baby groups a few a week. A walk once a day for an hour in the afternoon. Visit parks and take lunch with you. Read. Did jobs round the house like sorting through stuff and odd bits of decorating and gardening in summer.

Needmorewine · 19/02/2018 07:19

Very very hard with young baby / toddler but loved it as SAHM to pre schooler / school age !!! I do think PT is best of both worlds if you can get it

Needmorewine · 19/02/2018 07:21

Sorry just seen you’ve already had the idea of running your own business - great idea. Use this time to plan / think it through then start when you’re through the dreaded sleep regression phase ?! Best of luck

christinarossetti · 19/02/2018 07:38

Definitely make the most of them being portable and not having much of a say in what they're doing.

So yes galleries, parent and baby cinema if you fancy, walking round parks. Just build in lots of feeding/changing/going outside time.

It can be lonely though. Yes,. Singing wheels on the bus is enough to make anyone scream, but those classes are a good way to meet other parents and carers.

kaytee87 · 19/02/2018 07:46

Get out and do something every day.
I had a demanding job before having ds, on call 24 hours a day type job.
I'm at home with 18 month old now and it can be a bit lonely some days but I find myself fulfilled by looking after ds. Appreciate everyone is different though

Original poster

SilverBirchTree · 19/02/2018 08:26

Some great suggestions, thanks. I’ll have to be more proactive and find things to do. Hopefully the baby cooperates!

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 19/02/2018 08:36

My favourite activities when ds was that age were mum&baby cinema and mum&baby yoga.
Now he's 18months everything has to be toddler centred so enjoy this time before he's mobile

Quaza · 19/02/2018 08:55

I loved every second (well most of them ). I was out and about a lot. I tried to treat it like a job and forced myself to do my chores as quickly and efficiently as possible to leave the rest of the day for socializing and going out and about. I had a car which helped and my babies were all relatively easy. I think some babies can be a lot more difficult. You have to go with the flow a bit.

RedPandaMama · 19/02/2018 09:00

I love maternity leave so much that, when childcare and commuting is factored in, me going to work only actually puts our household funds up by about £2000 a year. I'd spend that to be at home with my baby! She's 6mo now and an absolute delight.

On the harder days I make sure to get out of the house. Even just a walk, there are a few nice ones around us. I'm a bit sad and really love going to the supermarket, not to do the weekly shop but just to browse the clothes and buy treats - we do our food shopping in Lidl so every couple of weeks I go to Sainsbury's and have a 'fun shop' that sounds so sad!
We have a wander round the charity shops, the ones near me have some lovely baby clothes for cheap. Go for coffee, meet up with other mums off Mush or Hoop for baby groups. There are a few nice playcentres near me. It's great!

RoryAndLogan · 19/02/2018 09:05

I'm seven months in and really looking forward to being back at work, even though I know it will be very difficult. I adore my child but all day every day is intense and tedious. Especially when they're so little and you don't get much back (and they cry or whine all day...)

I couldn't be a SAHM permanently, I'm not cut it for it. My brain needs stimulation and adult conversation and I know for us, that me being back at work will help my little one too. I

Scotinoz · 19/02/2018 09:08

I've really loved being a stay at home parent. My eldest starts school later this year, so I'm going back to work, albeit hopefully part time, but I'm not remotely looking forward to it

Backhometothenorth · 19/02/2018 09:13

I enjoy buggyfit and metafit- out in the park in all weathers with other mums and babes in buggies/ toddlers toddling. We also love swimming, a couple of playgroups, meeting friends/ family for coffee, local library, national trust walks, museums and so on.

Upsidedownandinsideout · 19/02/2018 09:20

The galleries thing does depend a lot on your baby. My number one was a fusspot (and still is very fidgety and active years on) while DCs 2 and 3 would have been portable except by then I also had a toddler along.

Have you got a sling that works for you? If not of recommend going to a local sling library to try some. It can be immensely liberating - easy for public transport, hands free to do more things around the house, great for going on long woodland walks. With the right tops and some head control they can even feed in there too 😊

Other than that, maybe it's a nice time to find new hobbies that you might like - this can be a good age for mum and baby yoga for example?
I find the early days of being home with a baby somehow frantically busy and extremely slow at the same time, but as they get older and you find new rhythms and people it can get better and better.

LiveLifeWithPassion · 19/02/2018 09:23

I agree with getting out as much as possible and making friends.
Also at home, I listened to lots of radio, TED talks and audiobooks. I felt like I needed to stay informed and needed lots of ‘input’.

LittleKiwi · 19/02/2018 09:57

Oh, lucky lucky you! The world is your oyster. Pop the baby in the sling, pack a nappy bag in a backpack and you’re away! It’s like you don’t have a job and you can do whatever you want... oh wait... you don’t and you can!!!!

Enjoy

SpikeGilesSandwich · 19/02/2018 10:08

I love it, wouldn't have it any other way. Doesn't suit some people though so you have to figure out what you want.
I don't drive for medical reasons so we are limited but still get out and about lots for walks and the library. There are loads of different groups to try where you can do your own thing and don't have to talk to the others if you don't want to. Ones run by the council are good because they have community outreach workers who can help with any questions or concerns and point you in the right direction for other resources.
Enjoy time with your baby, once you get out of the sleep-deprivation fog, it's amazing watching them develop every day.

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