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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do relationships with younger men actually last?

17 replies

MyAmy · 14/02/2018 22:56

I am speaking from the perspective of a 39 year old woman with two children. Have you been in a relationship with a younger man and has it lasted? What are the positives and negatives? Do the dynamics of the relationship change dramatically after some years, e.g. a decade?

OP posts:

MoonlightKissed · 14/02/2018 22:58

How much younger? My DH is more than 5 years younger than me. We got together in our 20s, and still together almost 20 years later. But then he was born middle aged, I think!

HobnobBob · 14/02/2018 23:00

How much younger? DH is 4 years younger and it makes zero difference.

Snowydaysarehere · 14/02/2018 23:03

I am 46,dh is 37.Been together over 5 years, married nearly 3. Pay no mind to the gap.

daydreamnation · 14/02/2018 23:09

Together for 10 years, married for 3. I'm 45, dh is 34, I honestly don't even think about the age difference anymore!

norfolkenclue · 14/02/2018 23:09

I have a friend who is married to a man 17 years younger than her. They've been together for 15 years and are one of the happiest couples I know. She has children from a previous relationship (not much older than him actually) but they don't have any of their own. I don't think it matters as long as you both are happy.

MrsBobDylan · 14/02/2018 23:13

Sounds obvious but compatibility is the most important thing, age much less so. If two people are a good match, can communicate easily, are kind to each other, then any age gap difference can be successfully negotiated.

Queenoftheblitz · 14/02/2018 23:19

I'm 54, he's 30. It's been 2 years. Started out as friends, then fwb, now exclusive.
But i encourage him to go out with women his age as he does want kids.
He's happy not to do this but i will probably end this relationship soon so he can move on.

Wellysocksbox · 14/02/2018 23:22

As a 35 year old single mum I met a 28 year old man. 18 years later we're still together with our 15- year wedding anniversary coming up. If it's the right person then the age is immaterial.

TheBrilliantMistake · 14/02/2018 23:28

If you're happy together, then stop worrying about who you think he should be with, and just enjoy being happy together.

Are you worried that you'll get deeply attached, and then it turns sour, so just want to end it early before it gets to that stage? (If you are, you're probably already deeply attached in order to think that way).

You could be the same age as him, and one of you killed tomorrow in an accident. Age wouldn't help either of you then. So why should age matter now?

Get on with life, be glad you've found him, and get on with mutual enjoyment!

Onlyoldontheoutside · 14/02/2018 23:29

Why is it that we don't mind it if the man is older.My mums second husband was 17 years older than she was,they were together over 40 years.She says they were soul mates.
Many marriages don't last that long and if you miss someone who may have been your soul mate because you worried about age ...

ontheline · 14/02/2018 23:30

Me 55, DH 44. Together 22 years this year. Never been a problem.

8misskitty8 · 14/02/2018 23:31

How much younger do you mean ?

I’m nearly 2 years older than DH. He was 19, I was 21. Been together almost 18 years, married for 16.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/02/2018 23:35

I'm almost 45. My husband is 33. Been together 10 years, married for 7. It just keeps getting better. Age is not the issue. What matters is the maturity level of both parties involved. I've known MANY men 40+ who still act like spoilt, selfish children. Stop worrying about the age gap and just look at the individual.

Charismam · 14/02/2018 23:35

Good question. The only interest I seem to get is from younger men and yet I would prefer to only bother if the relationship had a chance of surviving.

I worry that the men are interested because to their mind it's obvious that you couldn't possibly expect it to be lasting.

I had a relationship with one man only three years younger than myself but when I was 45 and he was 42 he considered himself a younger man. I laughed and corrected him but looking back, he didn't regard me as a long term partner although he was respectful on a day to day basis. I walked away.

The bf before him was ten years younger and I ended that for reasons that had nothing to do with age.

expatinscotland · 14/02/2018 23:37

When the woman is older I think it really depends, if the man wants children eventually or if he doesn't/already has kids. I was 31 when DH and I married. He was 24. Neither of us had children but really wanted them and 13 months later, we had our first of 3. Now I'm 46, nearly 47 and he's 40. But would I take up a man that age now? No. And especially if he wants kids.

VladmirsPoutine · 14/02/2018 23:39

What kind of age gap are we talking?

I know it's a disparity but there we are, men can date women as soon as they're (the women that is) adult age or of consensual age and no one bats an eye. Women can't. So how large are we talking?

KC225 · 14/02/2018 23:46

I consider anything within 5 years (older or younger) my age range. I think it depends on age gap and life expectation.

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