Work one .... wise ones?

[MrsMaxwell]

Hi - I was given some really good advice regarding work a few weeks ago and I come again to ask for the plethora of advice.

Restructured at work, made to think there was chance of promotion but there wasn’t, most of us slotted in.

I have been moved sideways whereas I was in a stand alone role on a grade above I had no direct line management responsibilities.

When everything comes into place I will have and several colleagues feel aggrieved, that I am not experienced enough and just pissed off (I think more with higher management than with me personally) that there were not more posts like mine (2 in a team of 20).

I have booked myself on all the relevant training for the new role, asked if possible to line manage the new team members rather than existing and have made it clear I intend to perform to the best of my ability.

Thing is two colleagues (who I class as friends ) keep making really snide remarks to me “oh well you are going to have to brush up on that MrsM” etc etc and tbh it’s really beginnng to piss me off (and knock my confidence), and it’s pretty patronising.

I haven’t been promoted, I have been given a different role and if any of them were in my shoes they would have taken the opportunity given - although I get why they feel the way they do as on paper they are more experienced in my new role than I am.

How do I deal with this as I am beginning to not know how to respond.

TIA.

Sorry that was so badly written - I will be in direct line management to my colleagues basically.

The boss of a former colleague of mine was demoted, and my colleague was promoted into his place, and thus was managing his former boss. I wasn't privy to full details, but I think he started with a heart to heart beginning "this is really difficult for both of us..." But it doesn't sound as if your colleagues are quite ready for that sort of approach.

If they really are friends, they should respond to a request to stop making unhelpful comments.

I know I am trying to jokingly deflect but I do actually want to be taken seriously too

They're only jealous. Be nice at first. But if it persists you could be a little bit sarcastic yourself. Like well if you work really hard and behave yourself you might get promoted one day yourself. That wouldn't be kind I agree but sometimes nothing else works.

One of them (who went for the same role a few years ago but did not get it) stood there talking to admin today telling her a the courses she has done and how experienced she is - it was odd.,

My honest advice is to totally utterly blank and ignore that kind of comment. I know it’s hard, but act like you didn’t hear and change the subject.

Notevilstepmother you may have a plan there .... I was saying I was trying to keep on top of my expenses etc atm and filling it out every day (she was moaning about having 3 months worth to do) and she said “well lucky you to have the time to do that!” I was thinking what’s the fucking difference 3 mins a day or a couple of hours every few months

I don't think you can keep ignoring it. it's very undermining and as you say affects your confidence. It can also affect team morale and can get in the way of doing the job well. Have you thought of speaking to each individually and saying that you have noticed the comments and ask them if they have any particular issue about you taking on the role. If they have then they need to air it and move on or just move out! I think you can be honest and say I wouldn't have chosen this; realise it's difficult/awkward but here we are we all have to work with it and we all want to do a good job. Let's focus on how we do that with this new structure.

They sound like bullies tbh and if you call them out, (nicely but firmly) they will stop and you will gain some respect. It can't be much fun for other team members.

I have been really positive about it and said I understand how they feel while trying to be really careful not to put myself down even jokingly as I can do that and I think it would encourage the comments and derision.

There is a post above me which was advertised today (I am not qualified for it and she knows it) and age asked me in front of other staff if I was going for it - which clearly I was not.

I think it’s best not to give any attention to that kind of nonsense myself. I think it’s giving them too much of what they want to discuss it. I’d just go for a cheery, “how’s xxx doing these days?” or “ooo isn’t the weather dreadful, so glad I didn’t put my washing out before I left this morning” or something equally pointless. It’s not a managers job to join in with that kind of behaviour.

Sorry cross post.

what Yeehaa said.
Talk to them individually. Don't join in with jibes or sarcasm, just be very matter of fact.
Well done on your new job. If it doesn't work out, you'll have more to put on your CV.
Good luck!!

Similar has happened to me recently. I made my new line manager aware and it has been noted on file but asked that nothing was done for now. I have been really nice, tried to rise above it, then ignored, and got on with the job. I’ve had no snide comments since and hopefully that’s the end of it. They were jealous and it really did upset me but it’s ok now. It has made me do the job to the best of my ability and I’m becoming quite well respected by the team now. Hope things work out for you

You need to have a more formal structured conversation with them individually.

If it's available, get yourself some coaching around this issue. At least half of team leadership/management role is dealing with "dynamics" and relationships.