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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this doesn't count as an invite?!

25 replies

TenancyTroublesAgain · 11/02/2018 16:05

Friend invited me to a casual gathering in a nearby town for the day after. I said I'd love to go, let me know when you're going etc.

The day came and said friend had the gathering with everyone else who was invited... outside their flat instead (30 seconds walk from my own...) and when I said my (fairly) light-hearted "thanks for the invite!" They were confused and said "I did invite you".

Hmm

AIBU to think that by changing the location and not telling me or giving me a time is the total opposite of an invite?!

I'm not particularly arsed about it, I was just a bit bemused at the "I did invite you". Yeah thanks had a great day let's do it again sometime.

Grin
OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 11/02/2018 16:07

She did invite you. You should have asked her why she forgot to tell you the venue etc had changed.

DeathStare · 11/02/2018 16:11

They did invite you! Why didn't you text the next morning to confirm time and venue? I'm assuming you didn't already know these details or you'd have been stood at the original venue wondering where they were. If that is what happened you have every right to be pissed off. If you were expecting them to send you a gold-embossed invite card with all the details on having already invited you verbally then you are being precious.

PurpleRobe · 11/02/2018 16:14

So did you go to the other location???

Original poster
TenancyTroublesAgain · 11/02/2018 16:15

Lol, I'm not precious at all. I don't expect a gold embossed invite. I just expect them to follow up my message to let me know the time and place, and not find out they had it earlier and 30 seconds away as opposed to travelling to some other town...

They have form for this tbh and I've started to distance myself. It wasn't some big event with loads of people going where someone could be overlooked. There was 3-4 of us going for a BBQ, that's all.

OP posts:
Original poster
TenancyTroublesAgain · 11/02/2018 16:15

No because I was still waiting for a reply on a time... and if it was even going ahead. Because this stuff often doesn't at last minute.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 11/02/2018 16:19

Maybe the location just changed? You were invited...

It’s definitely not the opposite of an invite. That would be saying “don’t fucking come”...

Beamur · 11/02/2018 16:21

I'd be a bit miffed too. Presumably you didn't have all the information you needed?

DeathStare · 11/02/2018 16:25

So are you now saying that after they invited you verbally, you then texted them to ask them for the time they were meeting and they never got back to you?

If that's the case then that is a MASSIVE change from the original story. Huge drip-feed.

If that's the case then yes technically they did still invite you. But it was rude of them not to reply to your message.

YearOfYouRemember · 11/02/2018 16:30

Inviting someone to venue B and then meeting at venue C makes the situation a non invite. Like me inviting the next poster to my house for tea on Friday then doing it all on Thursday and not telling them.

Aridane · 11/02/2018 16:35

A bit off

Original poster
TenancyTroublesAgain · 11/02/2018 16:35

What drip feed? The first line of my OP says that I said I'd love to go and to let me know when they're going, which they didn't.

It was only a case of "we are going for a BBQ at tomorrow if you fancy it?" and me saying "I'd love to, let me know when we should meet if it's still on tomorrow"

They didn't, I only saw they were there because of a post they made and it started several hours before we'd even discussed it might happen and before I'd had a chance to double check, which I was going to do that morning. I'd need 5 minutes notice...

I just don't think a quick update to give me a time like I asked or a message to say "we're having it here instead starting in 10 minutes" is too much to ask. Smile

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 11/02/2018 16:39

You didn’t mention anything about a post. That sounds like they forgot to message you.

DeathStare · 11/02/2018 16:41

What drip feed? The first line of my OP says that I said I'd love to go and to let me know when they're going, which they didn't

I think we're talking at crossed wires.

Personally I think if you are invited verbally to something casual then the onus is on you to chase that up to find out time and venue if you want to go. (ie a text the next morning saying "what time are we all meeting later") If you didn't do that, then expecting them to remember for you is a bit unreasonable imo

Original poster
TenancyTroublesAgain · 11/02/2018 16:53

Ah I see. To clarify, this was all by message, nothing verbal. The invite was the evening before and when I went to follow up my message the next morning because I still hadn't been given an actual time that's when I saw the post that they were already and having it somewhere else (practically outside my flat!), way earlier than suggested. And like I said, we live next to each other and there were 3-4 of us going, but they live together and just had to let one person know - me, not really a situation where you forget someone from a group of attendees...

Sorry for any drip feeds, I'm terrible for not remembering details or what may or may not be relevant. Blush

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 11/02/2018 16:58

Wait so a the flatmates just started doing something together? Surely that’s normal and they can invite you later?

This is getting very drip feedy

Original poster
TenancyTroublesAgain · 11/02/2018 17:01

Usually that would be the case, except it was a BBQ and they'd had food ... so inviting me later doesn't really work Confused and it wasn't just a flatmate thing if they invite someone else.

I just wouldn't bother to invite someone if I didn't actually want them there and if I forgot to let them know when and where to turn up, I'd apologise and explain. Maybe it's just me.

OP posts:
Notasunnybunny · 11/02/2018 17:07

No, inviting someone somewhere and not giving them details and then, knowing you haven't given said person the details whilst holding the event, is definately a non invite.

MiddleClassProblem · 11/02/2018 17:11

To me it sounds like “let’s meet up, we might be doing this”

“Cool, let me know when where”

Then the flatmates decided to have a bbq in the cold... is it at their place?

Nanny0gg · 11/02/2018 17:14

It's not just you.

They were rude.

Original poster
TenancyTroublesAgain · 11/02/2018 17:14

"is it at their place?"

No, an area near both of our places. If it was in their garden it probably wouldn't seem as off. But even so, they still asked, I said I'd love to and then they posted it for me to see despite knowing I wasn't there because how could I be...

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 11/02/2018 17:18

Ok got ya, yeah that’s off. But it’s cold out! At least you’re not clingy to a bbq in the freezing cold trying to keep warm but not catch fire Grin

Gemini69 · 11/02/2018 17:26

OP.. they didn't invite you properly... they casually mentioned an event and said to please come... then when you asked for details NONE were forthcoming...

that's not an Invite in my book... Flowers

DeathStare · 11/02/2018 17:29

OP you have a choice to make.....

Clearly there was a bit of a communication failure. Either you can take it as a personal insult and get all upset or you can see it a misunderstanding and move on from it.

If the rest of them pretty much all live together I can see how this easily happened by mistake without them meaning any harm.

FrancisCrawford · 11/02/2018 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TenancyTroublesAgain · 11/02/2018 17:54

Yeah, I have moved on from it (now, ha). Just wondered what people thought. :)

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
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