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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Make your own lunch!

24 replies

Maggie24715 · 11/02/2018 09:24

I'm fuming here. My husband works shifts & woke up late this morning. He was stressed about being late & told me to get up and make his lunch.
I make his lunch every day for him, at the start I thought it was cute. But lately he's been telling me to go make his lunch not asking. If I don't he goes to McDonalds etc and we're in a really tight budget so can't afford the splurge.

I was going to make his lunch anyway this morning but the fact he told me to get up out of bed to do it has pissed me off.

Now I'm thinking to refuse to make it anymore - it takes all of 2 mins but it's the last of respect that has me so angry.

I gave up work to care for our sick son, he's 2.5 now & needs a lot of care. I do all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, bill paying, babies appointments etc. I might have spoilt him and created a monster I literally hand him all his meals & organise his life. He doesn't put a sock into the wash basket. Which I don't mind but I do mind when he's rude & demanding.

OP posts:

blackchina · 11/02/2018 09:25

WTF?!

AllTheGoodOnesAreUnavailable · 11/02/2018 09:26

I think there is more to this than his lunch.

Have you spoken to him about how it makes you feel?
I also live with a man like yours (man child!) but when I remind him how it makes me feel it improves.

Communication is key at times.

Littlelambpeep · 11/02/2018 09:26

He needs to make it the night before and stop being so awful to you

Hairgician · 11/02/2018 09:43

Stop doing it for him. And everything else. You aren't his skivvy.
He needs to get himself organised and get all ready the night before.
I do my dp lunches only because he's not home til after 10 most nights and I'm home anyway so it's helps him out. If it was me out late working he would do same for me. He would never demand of me to do it either.

KC225 · 11/02/2018 10:03

That is so disrespectful, I would be hurt. I agree with the above poster, its more than lunch. It seems as if lunch was the final straw.

Have you spoken to him about how you feel and the way he talks to you? It must be an enormous strain looking after a sick child 24/7. He needs a day in your life, could you go away for a couple of days -stay with a friend or relativ and he take the a couple of days to look after your son.

GreenTulips · 11/02/2018 10:05

Did you get out of bed and make it?

blackteasplease · 11/02/2018 10:11

Never make it again

BrutusMcDogface · 11/02/2018 10:12

What a horrible man! He "told" you to make his lunch?!

AnduinsGirl · 11/02/2018 10:15

IS he one of those delightful types who believes that as you're not bringing in money, you're not "working" and therefore exist to serve his every need?
How dare he order you around like that??

NotSoSprightly · 11/02/2018 10:15

Jesus Christ.

Snowydaysarehere · 11/02/2018 10:17

Stick 2 slices of bread in. He wants a better deal he can make it himself .

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 11/02/2018 10:20

Can you not ask him to do a weeks worth of sandwiches himself on a Sunday or at least help you make them

If you/he/both of you make a weeks worth of them on a Sunday as then freeze them, then they will stay fresh, just take out of the freezer and put in the fridge the night before so give it time to thaw out, that would be a timesaver for you both.

Is he doing something for you ? (I mean if you make his lunches does he do something for you?..if not, he should, )

Original poster

Maggie24715 · 11/02/2018 10:29

I did get up to make his lunch. its not the first time he's demanded that I make it before I have a chance to do it. I would be doing it anyway but really resent being told to 'you have to make my lunch'

Maybe there is more to it, I'm tired! i let our sons nurse leave this morning & stayed in his room for a while. My husband was in bed & got annoyed that I didn't wake him up. I didn't know what time it was & was busy wit our son.
I put DS into our bed for snuggles & then got told to go downstairs to make his sandwiches.
Pig. I should have let the dog lick the ham first... I'm still angry!

OP posts:

GreenTulips · 11/02/2018 10:33

LOL

I wouldn't have got up and told him he's a grown up who can shove ham in bread all by him self

Tell him from now on you are no longer making his sandwiches. He burnt that bridge by being rude - you aren't his mother

DreamyMcDreamy · 11/02/2018 10:36

I do dh's a packed lunch. The minute he told me I had to though, is when I'd be like do it your bloody self!
He's big enough and daft enough to make his own!

NotAnotherEmma · 11/02/2018 10:37

You stayed home to care for your sick child not to be your husband's slave. He's a grown ass man, he can take care of himself.

Parker231 · 11/02/2018 10:40

Why on earth did you do as he ordered - he is perfectly capable of making his own meals. You are at fault for enabling his behavior.

1ndig0 · 11/02/2018 10:45

He is being obnoxious. I know how you feel because my DH can get like this a bit when he's stressed and rushed - "Get me x ready!" etc. It comes across more as an order than a request and it's really annoying because I would never speak to him like that.
Is he likely to apologise later, do you think? I suppose how you react depends on the wider context.

Duchessgummybuns · 11/02/2018 10:47

I would have told him to shove it. Tbh OP you might be fuming but you’ve done as you were told like good little wifey so why should he change how he speaks to you if he gets what he wants? Yes he’s a twat, but you need to stand up for yourself.

Jamiefraserskilt · 11/02/2018 10:48

Are you his mother or his wife?

BrutusMcDogface · 11/02/2018 10:49

I'm a mother of three and no way would I do something for a child who has "told" me to.

The question should be "are you his servant or his wife?"!

22esmeweatherwax · 11/02/2018 10:58

My DH works full time and makes all the lunch sandwiches for me and DC the night before and puts them in the fridge. He would never dream of ordering me to get up and make his lunch. Your DH does not seem to have basic respect for you and he needs to sort himself out. You are his wife, not his servant.

Spoog1971xx · 11/02/2018 12:33

This isn't a sammich issue. You are feeling overlooked and undervalued. Money is tight and I bet you are shattered.
You two need a talk pronto

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 11/02/2018 12:38

As a pp said, I wouldn't make a sandwich for my dc if they presumed to "tell" me to do it, let alone my dh! Even my the year old knows the value of please and thank you (and can make a sandwich herself too, come to that!)

I'd be on strike until he learned some manners.

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