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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am i being an OTT neighbour?

26 replies

buddhasbelly · 11/02/2018 03:38

Got woken up about 20 mins ago.

We live in a fairly quiet residential area but got woken up to the most almighty clatter.

It came from the house 2 doors away...I went downstairs to get water and a fag I'm trying to quit and this isn't relevant so nevermimd about that!

I hear the parents sometimes shouting at the kids sometimes to get ready for school, a bit harsh but nothing too bad. Sorry I'm rambling, best with me it's the middle of the night.

Anyway the man was shouting a torrent of abuse at the woman, shouting she is a fucking slag, this that and the other v agressive.

I've phoned 101 as I've said I know there's kids in the house but feel like I'm just being an over zealous neighbour.

Have I overreacted?

OP posts:
Original poster
buddhasbelly · 11/02/2018 03:39

Oh and I didn't know the big clatter came from 2 doors away until I opened the door and heard all the swearing and shouting

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Original poster
buddhasbelly · 11/02/2018 03:40

The port girl in the house is 9, no kid should have to hear all that it was awful Sad

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Original poster
buddhasbelly · 11/02/2018 03:47

The shouting has stopped and I heard a car pull up and go. Wasn't the police as assuming theyd be taking taking statement from the mum.

I feel like I've wasted police time but id be terrified of I was the little girl. Poor child.

OP posts:
Autumnchill · 11/02/2018 03:48

Nope you've done the right thing.

Original poster
buddhasbelly · 11/02/2018 03:56

Oh thank you for the response!

That was the police I heard. They were here quick and that was then just leaving. I don't know if anyone was removed or whatever and I really really hope I gace then the right house number (we live in short rows of terraces, their house starts the next row and different numbering of that makes sense).

Oh well, doubt I'll hear of what's happened but can't help thinking about the poor wee girl.

She was trying to hang around here a lot a few months ago but my dd is 3 and she is 9 and she was here everytime we got home from work, calling 4/5 times a day at the weekend. I had to put put stop to it as it was a bit much and she was too old for my dd to be playing with but now I know why she was always trying to come round.

One time I said she could come to the shop with us, 2 mins away and on the return the mum was pulling back up in the car she shouted to me does her dd need to come home and I said yes it's my dd's dinner time. She shouted at the girl and said "right they don't want you get home" the wee girl looked sad but I didn't know what to say.

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Original poster
buddhasbelly · 11/02/2018 03:57

Sorry for the mistypes!

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Skittlesss · 11/02/2018 08:06

You did the right thing. :)

If it's anything like my force they will take all the details and notify social services about what happened.

Sounds like they're not very nice and I feel sorry for the child :(

Original poster
buddhasbelly · 11/02/2018 08:20

Thanks Skitlesss. V tired today, couldn't get back to sleep until 6. But I guess that's nothing compared to listening to your dad saying absolutely vile things to your mum. The above example was the tamer stuff.

Their car isn't there this morning (I've not been curtain twitching!) Wondering if I'd heard his car go off before the police arrived. Assumed it was a taxi. He sounded absolutely blootered. Not the time to be driving.

Och anyway I'm just speculating rubbish. Thanks for the replies though, I felt a bit like hyacinth bucket phoning them but glad to hear I wasn't OTT.

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user1497357411 · 11/02/2018 08:21

and thank you for letting the rest of us know that we can call 101 for stuff like that. We live in a nice neighbourhood now and there doesn't seem to be those kind of problems, but some of the the children my DC knows are not so lucky.

LemonShark · 11/02/2018 08:23

Totally did the right thing.

You could possibly make a social services referral with that info too. Police may do it but may not. You can do so anonymously online usually. If I was one of those kids in the home I'd want someone to.

Original poster
buddhasbelly · 11/02/2018 08:35

Can you lemon? I don't want to be anyone in trouble but equally don't want a child to have to go through that. I've heard them rowing before (from 2 houses away) but nothing as bad as that. All the clattering that woke me up I actually though was a burglar breaking in but not a v experienced one if he could make that much noise, until I heard the shouting.

user the dispatcher was v nice.

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Queenofthestress · 11/02/2018 08:41

Yeah you can, Google for FFAP and your local council, there should be a form on there to fill out x

GrannyGrissle · 11/02/2018 08:43

Definitely refer to SS. If the 'man' in that household is that shameless and foul heaven knows what goes on behind closed doors. Nice to see someone on here do the right thing without having to ask mumsnet/dither and procrastinate. Brew Cake Flowers

KayaG · 11/02/2018 08:45

You did the right thing.

Latenightreader · 11/02/2018 08:51

We have a local multiagency hub where concerns regarding children are sent. Social services, the police, education and health people have desks together and if something like this comes up it will be flagged and they'll all cross check for other warning signs. This way they've been able to connect something raised by a school with domestic violence call outs (for example) and can then take action where the single incidents don't always add up.

Hopefully you have something similar locally and that poor child is being looked out for.

Original poster
buddhasbelly · 11/02/2018 08:57

Thanks everyone latenight I thought that was what a had here too (got some info from dd's nursery about it but can't think where I put it).

I'm in Scotland - didn't know if that makes a difference?

It's strange in the brief times I've spoken to them, he seemed like the quiet one and she seemed like the one you wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of but she was crying/screaming last night that she didn't want him there, could he just go, basically sounded lile she was trying to diffuse the situation and that she promised she hadn't done anything. Behind closed doors and all that.

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Original poster
buddhasbelly · 11/02/2018 08:59

I took dd into my bed after that and cuddled her most of the night. Her dad was v abusive as well. Just highlights how much I'm glad he's not part of our lives so he can't shout like that in front of my dd. Not judging the woman at all, I was lucky to get rid.

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Musicalmistress · 11/02/2018 09:05

If the police file a report on the incident social work, health & education (school) should all get a copy and will be asked if there are any other concerns from them. If there are other concerns then a meeting will be called to share these and look at supports etc for the family.
(I’m senior manager so deal with these reports when they come into our school. Also Scotland)
You did the right thing - often schools/health have niggling concerns but not enough to file a report. Something like this allows them to get together & share these to build a bigger picture of the family situation.

Original poster
buddhasbelly · 11/02/2018 09:11

Thanks musicalmistress

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Lizzie48 · 11/02/2018 09:12

You definitely did the right thing, OP, that poor girl.

And well done to you for getting away from your abusive ex, hopefully this poor woman will be able to get away, too.

JackmanAdmirer · 11/02/2018 09:14

Fuck off with the SS bollocks!
A couple had a blazing row at 3am when the kid is in bed - they even took the row outside. SS is so not called for!

101 was a good call though, better safe than sorry.

LemonShark · 11/02/2018 09:16

Yes you can refer to SS OP! I would in your position. Then you know you've done your bit and can sleep easy.

I wouldn't trust the police to follow procedure correctly with something this serious. They might but they may also show up, family aren't home, and then take no further action.

It's not to do with getting into trouble, if the kids are fine there'll be no trouble. Nobody should ever hesitate to refer to SS if they have the slightest concern a child may be at risk. They're the professionals who can assess and decide, refer to them and you'll know you can sleep at night.

LemonShark · 11/02/2018 09:21

JackmanAdmirer So police are better safe than sorry but not the actual organisation that looks out for kids at risk?

Do you think children don't wake up to blazing rows or magically can't hear them when they're outside the window at 3am?

Better safe than sorry is ALWAYS the case with children.

If there's no issues SS will close the case or decide there's no reason to even open one. We have no idea what else is going on, there could be issues for all we know and a referral may be more info or help build a picture.

I agree that there's not enough info to know she's at risk but it's not our call to make. OP trusted her gut.

A million times better to make a referral that has no further action than not and find out you missed a chance to get a child some support.

You sound very anti SS and quite angry about them.

Bettyswitch · 11/02/2018 09:53

You did the right thing op!
If you believe that the child is at risk then of course inform SS, the police wont refer unless a statment is made or there are obvious signs of abuse.
Your not being nosey your looking out for a innocent kid!

Lizzie48 · 11/02/2018 09:55

So far the OP has only called 101, @JackmanAdmirer which you're clearly ok with. The police may or may not refer to SS depending on how bad the incident actually was. It does sound like a very bad environment for a child to live in, but obviously we don't know that the child is actually at risk.

It's the OP's call at any rate. I personally probably would call SS as I'd rather be over cautious than regret that I didn't act if something bad happened.