Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Leaving baby

20 replies

helou82 · 09/02/2018 07:27

My lb is coming up to 9 months old and so far I've not left him with anyone apart from a couple of times with my OH for half an hour. My MIL is putting the pressure on saying I'll have to leave him eventually and I suppose she's right. I'm going into work for a meeting in a couple of weeks and she's going to have him for 2 hours. My mind is already racing with what could go wrong. He's crawling and pulling himself up on things and he's quick - she's not. She wants to take him out for a walk which is great, but we've got steep steps up to our house which she can only just manage by herself let alone carrying a 19 pounder. Any advice on how I can relax a bit? How did you cope leaving your little ones?

OP posts:

FrizzyNoodles · 09/02/2018 07:31

Is there anywhere near your work where she can go for a wander with him in the push chair? Its up to you who you leave him with and its not her decision but as its agreed you can sort something out so you feel less anxious.

Have you looked at nurseries for when you do go back?

waterlily200 · 09/02/2018 08:03

Its good for both you and baby to get used to being apart if you're going back to work. Little bits at a time and build it up so you're both used to it.

As you have a little bit of time it may be worth spending some time with your MIL and let her look after baby whilst you're there so you can give her tips and potentially resolve any problems. At the end of the day all babies are different and you will know him best but she's a mother and she will manage it may just be a little slower then you.

waterlily200 · 09/02/2018 08:05

P.s. it's totally normal to worry it's been your fulltime job since he arrived 😊

Original poster

helou82 · 09/02/2018 08:07

Yeh he's going to nursery in the mornings when I'm at work then she's picking him up and having him for a couple of hours until I get home. Something, again, she's not happy with. I want her to have him but she has some very out dated ideas - she spent the first 2 months of his life telling me I should put him to sleep on his front because that's what she did 40 years ago. If she'd been looking after him then and done that.......
I know he's older and more robust now but it does make me nervous. Unfortunately I doubt she's listen to any suggestion or advice from me......she knows best.
I also wonder if my level of anxiety over this is a bit of an exaggeration. There must be many families like this and the grandparents look after the little ones without incident. I am made to feel that having a 9 month old who I've never left is abnormal. The truth is I don't want to leave him with anyone.

OP posts:

Chaosofcalm · 09/02/2018 08:09

It sounds like you have a few issues. 1) Mother in law putting pressure on you. 2) You do t think MIL is fit enough to look after your baby
3) You are not ready to leave your son yet.

Do you agree or have I jumped to big conclusions.

MIL is right that if you are going g back to work then you do have to leave your son but it is up to you when that is and with whom.

If you genuinely think she is not safe to leave your child with then you can’t do that other than that you need to manage expectations from both sides.

Have you sorted your childcare for when you return to work?

TwinklyGiraffe · 09/02/2018 08:09

Why not leave him in nursery all day?

Original poster

helou82 · 09/02/2018 08:11

Thanks waterlily200.

I have tried to leave him with her when she comes round while I go off and do something in the kitchen or upstairs but she just picks him up and comes to find me.
I've sat with her and shown her things he likes e.g when he's getting tired and grumpy he likes lying on the couch having his legs stroked but when I've left the room she covers him up again 'in case he gets cold'.

OP posts:

Woollysheepsheep · 09/02/2018 08:12

You're asking for trouble if you leave him with your mil while you go back to work, when she's like this and won't listen to you.

ijustwannadance · 09/02/2018 08:12

I think you are being a bit ott tbh.
In 9 months your OH has only been left alone with their child a couple of times for half an hour? Do you not trust them either?

Original poster

helou82 · 09/02/2018 08:13

TwinklyGiraffe

I can't afford to put him in nursery all day unfortunately.

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 09/02/2018 08:16

I get why you haven't left the baby with your mil but why has your dh only had him for half an hour a couple of times. Do you never want to get your hair done or have lunch / dinner with friends?
I didn't like leaving my ds with anyone when he was that age but dh didn't count in that as he's the other parent.

Original poster

helou82 · 09/02/2018 08:16

Chaosofcalm

Yes your right except I don't think she is unfit to look after him if she would listen and consider the things I say.

OP posts:

EB123 · 09/02/2018 08:17

Hi OP it is normal to feel like this. I never left mine until they were a bit older either, i was lucky to be able to that as a sahm. It annoys me that people think it is weird.

With what you have said i would be worried about leaving him with mil if you don't think she is able to look after him properly. I would kaybe look into a childminder or if you prefer fullday at nursery.

FrizzyNoodles · 09/02/2018 08:18

Whether youre over anxious or not, your anxiety isnt helped by her undermining you. Can you leave him with his dad more often and for longer - he does need to get involved. Also is he going to ask at work about flexibility maybe you can work it out so that he can pick him up from nursery or even do drop offs and you do the pick ups.

Original poster

helou82 · 09/02/2018 08:18

It's not that I don't want to leave him with OH, I've just never needed to. He's I very very good baby and I'm comfortable taking him most places with me. Most of my friends have families so we've spent time together with the children in tow.

OP posts:

WTFIsThisVirus · 09/02/2018 08:18

With all due respect, I think you need to calm down. Meditate or something. Very little can go wrong in 2 hours! We left DS with my sister for the first time when he was like 3 weeks old, to go to the cinema.

Also DS has been sleeping on his front since 8/9 months . As long as your LO can lift up his head and roll, I don't think this is a problem.

MojoMoon · 09/02/2018 08:19

Your husband really should have had more hands on patenting experience than just the odd half hour here and there in 9months

Do you not trust him either? That way madness lies. Parenting takes experience and he isn't gaining any so any child issue will always be yours even if you are both back at work.

How about he takes baby swimming every Saturday morning and you start to get used to being apart?

Chaosofcalm · 09/02/2018 08:30

Your DH and you need to have an honest chat with MIL. Somethings will be different when someone looks after your baby and your baby will react differently to your MIL to the way he reacts to you. That is not wrong it is just different. But anything to do with safety needs to be addressed.

Was it always your plan for MIL to do childcare? Is the cost of childcare coming out of family money? ie is DH also paying for it. Have you looked into childcare vouchers and working tax credits?

Original poster

helou82 · 09/02/2018 09:18

Thank you. It really was not my intention to end up slagging off my MIL when I wrote this post. She is a kind hearted woman who means well but just thinks she knows best and, as I say some of her ideas are out dated. We have tried talking to her about various things a few times with no success.

MIL wants to have him the whole time I am at work, she took partial retirement when he was born in preparation. I am not comfortable with this which is why I am putting him in nursery for the mornings. With childcare vouchers it is taking half of my salary which I can just about manage. I feel it is worth it for my sanity.

OP posts:

ijustwannadance · 09/02/2018 09:53

No one will parent your child the way you do and that's ok.
I had no issues leaving my 1st child with either set of GP's but sometimes had to let go of the small things as DD was loved and happy there and got so much out of it.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread