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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is bullying

19 replies

LivinLaVidaLoki · 08/02/2018 02:30

DS got really upset tonight because a girl in his class keeps telling his teacher lies to try and get him in trouble. I know she's told me fibs about him doing stuff with the sole intention of getting him into trouble (telling me he's done stuff at school/after school club that when I've followed up with at school never happened) but now she's telling the teacher that he is punching, kicking and doing karate on her .so they are things that could get him in serious trouble.
I had a friend over while this was going on and when she asked why DS was so upset (She could hear him crying) I told her and she said that her DD (DS best friend) has told her that this same girl keeps trying to tell fibs in the playground about DS and asking the other children to join in.
DS was breaking his little heart tonight I'm fucking livid.
Surely Singling him out to make him miserable is the start of a pattern of bullying behaviour?
This girls mum often said DS is the only boy that's nice to her at school as the others call her mean names so why is she doing this?

OP posts:

Cherrycokewinning · 08/02/2018 02:34

Of course it is. Your poor boy. I’d be livid and not resting until the school had dealt with it

InToMyHeart · 08/02/2018 02:43

Sounds like bullying to me.

I think you need to pop in and see his teacher tomorrow after school, the sooner you put a stop to it the better.

Is it worth asking your friend to speak to her DD about the situation (in a child friendly way) to encourage her to ensure she sticks with your DS? At least then he will have one person supporting him in school.

Poor little lad, bless him!

Cavender · 08/02/2018 02:54

You need to go in and see the school.

But yes, it’s bullying.

RockinHippy · 08/02/2018 02:58

Yes, it's known as "social bullying" my DD went through it too & it's very harmful. You need to speak with the school. Though maybe refer to it as "bullying behaviour" rather than bullying

nitroxTrained · 08/02/2018 03:21

Clearly.

Speak to the teacher - emails are often better as you'll obviously be emotional and may forget either things you want to say or things that are said to you.

Original poster

LivinLaVidaLoki · 08/02/2018 06:29

Thank you for the reassurance. I'm going to set off for work a bit later today and bob into the school and hopefully see his teacher/leave a message for her.

OP posts:

SavoyCabbage · 08/02/2018 06:36

I doubt very much that this will be the first time the teacher has come across this sort of thing and you are absolutely right to tell her about it so she can stamp it out.

I had a child last week who told me that her classmate had used the remote to turn off the whiteboard. She had seen him do it. He was out of the class with a TA at the time!

Blondephantom · 08/02/2018 08:43

Going to see the teacher is great. I would also tell your son to make sure he stays with a trusted friend at playtime or near a member of staff on duty. That way it isn’t his word vs hers x

nitroxTrained · 08/02/2018 09:26

I forgot to add, make sure you tell your son that this isn't ok and that you're going to see his teacher. I'm sure you've told him it isn't ok but the "I'm going to sort this out for you" is vital.

Knowing that their parents have their back is important. I've seen it in my job and remember a vaguely similar issue when I was a child. I was having a problem with a child at school. It was all sorted out and the upset of the incident was nothing compared to seeing my parents' rally to my defense.

CoraPirbright · 08/02/2018 09:38

This absolutely is bullying!! Has she actually managed to get him into trouble with her lies yet or are the teachers she tells being circumspect? Glad you are going to speak to the teacher about this horrid calculating girl.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 08/02/2018 09:40

Yanbu to think it’s bullying. I hope it all goes well when you tell the school, if you haven’t already.

Original poster

LivinLaVidaLoki · 08/02/2018 18:49

I spoke with the teacher this morning and she said she'd deal with it. She sat them both down and asked them about and DS just clammed up and said that maybe it was a girl he doesn't know in breakfast club.
He sees the same people every day at breakfast club and holiday club and after school club. Then when She pushed to find out who he just said he couldn't remember and won't talk about it now.
I can't believe She asked them TOGETHER! if you're being bullied by someone and the teacher sits you down with the bully and asks if they're bullying you you're not gonna sit in front of them and say yes are You! Ffs!
She was heard by another child but the teacher has just said that's just tattle taling....so her hands are tied. She did add that she separated them today and DS has been his usual happyself.
I've just tried to reinforce with him that if someone is mean to him or upsets him he can always talk to a teacher about it or me and his daddy as it's not ok to upset people and we all just want to make sure he's still happy.
I feel like I'm at a bit of a dead end now because DS won't talk about it so I don't want to push him but if he won't talk about it I can't take it farther can I?
A friend suggested I take it up with her mum as she knows what she is like, she tells terrible tales to her mother and she was there when she lied to me about DS initially. But tbh she doesn't seem to want to deal with it so I'm not sure what that would achieve.
Any advice welcome as I'm new to all this and just feel a bit lost.

OP posts:

Original poster

LivinLaVidaLoki · 08/02/2018 18:50

Sorry meant to say I called back for an update after school and that's when she told me how shed dealt with it.

OP posts:

MavisPike · 08/02/2018 18:56

Just be there for when he is ready
That teacher handled that badly . She's probably done more harm than good

Troels · 08/02/2018 19:00

What the hell was she thinking! She's making it worse now he'll be reluctant to say anything at all.
I think I'd advise your Ds to stay well away from this girl and if she comes over, walk away.

RockinHippy · 08/02/2018 19:24

Ughhhh, she doesn't have a clue🙄 very badly handled, but I'm not so surprised as we had the same problem.

Unfortunately we didn't get any detailed update, so it took me a few months to realise she was talking to the girls bullying DD as a group. DD was quizzed separately, but the other 6 girls were quizzed together. I ended up having to get very stroppy & demand that they be talked to separately & then 2 of the girls owned up to what was going on, one of those girls told me too, she was obviously unhappy to be part of it, but was been bullied too. It's ridiculous to speak to them together in this sort of situation.

I would advise replying to the email, say that you are surprised that she's spoken to your son & the girl together & that you feel that she's risking making the situation worse as your DS now feels unable to speak out. Insist that she keeps an eye on the situation & speaks to them & any witnesses together in future. Ask if she is okay dealing with the situation properly, or would she prefer that you speak with the head teacher instead. Be polite & friendly, but firm.

Good luck

Bobbybobbins · 08/02/2018 19:38

Great advice above!

CoraPirbright · 08/02/2018 21:01

How utterly moronic!! Go to the head as not only is your ds being bullied but the teacher has now likely made it worse and has done a piss poor job of handling it.

emmyrose2000 · 09/02/2018 08:24

The teacher is an idiot.

Time to speak to the principal about it.

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