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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to voice my concern

15 replies

G1988 · 07/02/2018 13:06

Last night DH thrashed out in his sleep and punched me, albeit not hard, on the shoulder.

We were just talking about it and I said I know he can't help it but it worries me because what if I was feeding dd and he'd caught her.

We ended up in a row because that made him feel bad when there is nothing he can do about it.

AIBU to voice my concern?

OP posts:
TimesNewRoman · 07/02/2018 13:08

No you weren't BU. You weren't trying to make him feel bad, just letting him know. Maybe you can position DD in such a way that she'd be shielded if it did happen.

treeofhearts · 07/02/2018 13:11

Well he can't control it can he so what was really the point? Does he do this regularly? If so I'd be inclined to get up to feed her rather than do it in bed. If not then it was probably a freak one off that will never happen again. I think yw a bit u.

Cath2907 · 07/02/2018 13:11

You aren't being U in bringing it up. However your DH can't help what his body does when he is asleep. If this is likely to be a recurrent issue (i.e. not due to a one-off violent nightmare) then I'd suggest you not have the baby in your shared bed or make sure he is awake when baby is there. My sister had a similar issue and could knock you out in her sleep! She couldn't do anything to prevent it.

JoeyMaynardssolidlump · 07/02/2018 13:12

Well he couldn’t help it snd probably felt awful.

My own dh has punched and kicked out in his sleep so I make sure the dog is my side. Can you feed your dd in a way that wouldn’t matter if he lashed out?

Trinity66 · 07/02/2018 13:13

Hard to say without knowing how the conversation went really, if you were just telling him what happened then no you weren't being U but if you kept going on about something he had no control off then you were

OutyMcOutface · 07/02/2018 13:14

A little bit. Unless you had something constructive to offer-like buying an arm chair to feed in or moving DD to her own room the only thing that would come if bringing it up would be making your DH feel bad. I know you are worried and it's normal to feel the need for comfort but your husband is also human and also needs to feel reassured. here you've just put your needs ahead of your husband's. Next time either find someone else to talk to or find a solution rather than dwelling on the problem. It's a perfectly normal mistake to make in marriage, most people do. but there is no reason to repeat it.

Mrsdraper1 · 07/02/2018 13:15

Has he seen the doctor? Has he been diagnosed with any sleep issues?
There are sleep disorders that can cause this. I think there are treatments as well.
If he hasn't been he should go to the GP and ask to be referred to the sleep clinic.
It's not his fault but YANBU

Trinity66 · 07/02/2018 13:53

Has he seen the doctor? Has he been diagnosed with any sleep issues?

The OP said it happened last night so presumably it hasn't happened before, i don't think I'd be rushing to the Doctor for something that happened one time tbf

Mrsdraper1 · 07/02/2018 15:21

Trinity sorry, I was just thinking of a programme I saw a while back about people who get violent in their sleep. I thought it had happened before.
Is he stressed at the moment?

ToadOfSadness · 07/02/2018 16:16

This is the reason we have our own rooms, arms and legs flailing everywhere, turning violently and landing with a thud.

If it becomes a regular thing and there is no reason found after seeking advice please find another place to spend your nights, being bruised yourself is one thing but hurting your baby is something else.

LemonShark · 07/02/2018 16:45

YANBU to voice concern. YABU however if this isn't a one off and you keep letting your child sleep in the same bed as you both. A grown adult like yourself can likely take a sleep whack but a small child cannot.

GELSIDE · 07/02/2018 17:14

He has thrashed out in his sleep before but it's the first time I've been hit. Apparently he was having a bad dream, someone was attacking me and the baby and he had to fight them to protect us. A little bit ironic really!

The baby doesn't sleep in our bed, we have a snuzpod so I stay in bed and just pick her up to feed during the night.

I also wasn't going on at him, we'd only been on the phone 2 minutes and it was the first time we'd spoken all day.

I guess by raising my concern I was looking for us to come up with a solution to make sure she is safe together. Upon reflection the simple answer is I protect her with my positioning, which hadn't crossed my mind when we spoke.

youngnomore · 07/02/2018 17:20

YANBU. What if your dd is with you next time and he hit her ? Bet he would have felt worse then and say why didn’t you tell me I did this.

WitchesHatRim · 07/02/2018 17:24

Why have you name changed during your thread? Hmm

He can't help what it he does in his sleep so for that YABU

TieGrr · 07/02/2018 17:35

YABU. He can't change how he acts when he's asleep so it seems like you were just trying to make him feel guilty.

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