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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who doesn't reply to party invites?

16 replies

ConfusedMumHere · 20/01/2018 08:29

Inspired by the recent thread on people not replying to party invites (and the many other previous similar threads, and my own experience of people not replying)....

Just wondered if there are any mumsnetters who don't reply to party invites? and why don't you? Do you see this as ok? Why?

Thanks! (genuinely curious! not trying to be goady!)

OP posts:

Original poster

ConfusedMumHere · 20/01/2018 08:31

Sorry, should say inspired by 'journea's' thread on here at the moment!

OP posts:

Dahlietta · 20/01/2018 08:34

I sometimes don't, but only by accident . What normally happens is, I get the invite and read it just before I drive my two children home from school. I think, "when is that? Are we around? Can we go to that? Where is that venue? It sounds miles away. Can I face driving there? If not, will DH be working or can he take them?" And then I forget to answer all or some of these questions and I forget about the invite. I generally reply to the reminders though.. Do I count?

drivingmisspotty · 20/01/2018 08:38

I don't see it as okay but there have been a couple of times when I have been late as invite has been at the bottom of DC's bookbag or I have looked at it when busy thought 'i must reply to that' or 'i'll reply when I have checked if DH can take them' and then just genuinely forgotten.

I know this is a bad habit so I try to go through things systematically and sort them straight away now but life is hectic and sometimes I make mistakes (and I do understand everyone's lives are hectic and I don't think my time is more important than yours, I just have good intentions that I don't always manage to carry out).

I would never turn up at a party without rsvp though.

PumpkinPie2016 · 20/01/2018 08:39

I always reply and having had two parties for my son so far, the vast majority of people do reply.

One mum forgot once but replied to my reminder text - she was mortified that she has forgotton but I understand that it happens sometimes.

CaptainCallisto · 20/01/2018 08:47

I reply most of the time, but sometimes DS1 doesn't remember to clear his drawer properly and invitations stay in there for weeks before I get them. He brought Home an invitation this week for a party that happened the last weekend of the Christmas hols! I apologised to the mum in question in the playground and explained though.

I would never turn up for a party I hadn't RSVP'd for, and always make it clear if I'm responding to one I've received a bit late from DS1 that I'm aware it may be too late for him to attend, and not to worry if so. If he keeps missing parties he wants to go to he might remember to check his bloody drawer properly!

Thingywhatsit · 20/01/2018 08:48

Thanks for reminding me to reply to one - have just done it! (It's still two weeks away! So not overly late)

I struggle sometimes as I am out the house 7.30am til 6. Then when I get home it's sorting out the kids/bath time/bed time/tidying/feeding me/mums taxi service etc if I remember about the invitation it might not be til 10pm and then I think it's too late too text - happened a lot this week!

ShastaTrinity · 20/01/2018 09:09

People who don't reply usually wait for a better offer and make their mind at the last minute. Or they are just plain lazy and entitled and can't be bothered. It doesn't take that long to reply "No" if you don't think you can make it.

At worst, just pin the invit' on a board in your kitchen on the day, and check your board regularly. It's not that difficult, how do you manage your work load in the office if you can't manage a couple of kids parties?

There's always a poster pipping in with a dramatic death situation in the family. Of course, that happens, but it's unlikely it happens that often and too so many people...

YellowMakesMeSmile · 20/01/2018 09:21

We send back the next day or reply by text the same night. It takes seconds to rsvp even of you work lots of hours it's not hard to fit in.

Lots don't bother though, not sure if laziness or just waiting for a better offer.

We just didn't bother inviting those who didn't RSVP again so that we knew from the start exact numbers and not a half dozen who could be rude and turn up.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 20/01/2018 10:14

We're the same. I text back that night and also take a photo of the invite in case it gets lost. Stick it in the calendar and then put original in a folder that I have for each child. It literally takes 5 minutes amd I have a 2, 3 and 4 year old so got plenty to do

It's quicker to do that than leave it somwhere, constantly having it niggling away, decide to reply, spend 10 minutes looking for it...

I have seen people say they cant reply as they dont know what they will be doing in 5 weeks time. Anything important, we know well in advance. If we are free and we accept a party invite, we will be going to that party unless something unexpected came up (like a funeral - unlikely at the weekend). If we commit to something, we go to it. We don't pull out just because we might have got a better offer. How rude is that

TsunamiOfShit · 20/01/2018 10:18

If it’s an electronic invite I always reply.

If it’s a paper invite which has been handed out at school it doesn’t always make it to me.

Froggyonaplate · 20/01/2018 10:30

I reply the second I get them because otherwise I'm so scatty that I'd lose them or forget about them and fail to reply that way. Never have so far (um I think??) but it could happen.
It's a rubbish thing to do though in my opinion.

Froggyonaplate · 20/01/2018 10:35

Oh and there was one invite that nursery staff put in a pocket of the bag that I just never use for looked in. Luckily I knew the dad well enough for him to approach me and say "you haven't replied"

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 20/01/2018 11:01

There's an absolute diffetrnce between not replying to an invite of which you are not aware and not replying to one you know you are in receiot of

WhooooAmI24601 · 20/01/2018 11:03

I always reply because it's just rude not to bother.

Nobody is so busy that they can't take a minute to send a text, not even the Queen.

Ones you don't receive you can't reply to. The rest are always possible.

gamerwidow · 20/01/2018 11:05

I always reply immediately so that I don’t forget. I’m also out the house from 7-630 most days so I don’t save things to do later in case they get forgotten about! I’ve been on the receiving end of people not sending a rsvp and it adds unnecessary stress to planning a party.

Andthatsthat · 20/01/2018 11:11

This is a massive gripe of mine. Every party that I have arranged, I’ve had to chase people up. Completely understandable if the invite doesn’t make it home mind! I’ve had this happen myself, but other than that I will have given a straight answer within days. It’s rude, lazy and inconsiderate to just not reply. No excuses in my book if you are in receipt of the invite. And yes, I do judge and yes I will also think very carefully about whether you will ever get invited again!

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