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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you feel?

13 replies

ThisLittleKitty · 25/12/2017 09:37

If your dp said he loved you because you have his kids? Is it just me or is this hurtful and not a reason to be with someone as then your just with them for the kids? Thoughts please

OP posts:
IJoinedJustToPostThis · 25/12/2017 09:41

Ummmm.... It's also something that is unique to you and will never change.

How are things in the relationship generally?

JollyGiraffe · 25/12/2017 09:49

Depends on the context.

If that's the only reason, then yes, hurtful.

If not, then of course he loves you for being mother to your children together.

Maybe ask him to clarify if unsure?

NeverUseThisName · 25/12/2017 09:55

Part of the reason I love my dh is that he is the father of our children. My love for him evolved, deepened, when we had children. But it's not the only reason I love him, and I would never say it as a stand-alone reason IYSWIM.

How did your dp say it, OP? Bluntly, as the only reason? Or as part of a lot more, with other reasons and emotions?

Original poster
ThisLittleKitty · 25/12/2017 10:08

The exact words were "I love you, I mean I must do because you have 4 of my kids"

OP posts:
Lifeisabeach09 · 25/12/2017 10:13

It is hurtful but they don't get it.
However, to some men and different cultures, this is significant.
Maybe, you should say the same to him.

furryelephant · 25/12/2017 10:14

If he said it exactly that way, I’d take it as a way that he just believes that having had 4 kids with you proves how much he loves you, not that it’s the reason behind him loving you Smile

Original poster
ThisLittleKitty · 25/12/2017 10:18

Just seems like he doesn't love me for me but just because I have his kids.

OP posts:
NeverUseThisName · 25/12/2017 10:40

The optimist in me reads that as him seeing the children as proof of his love for you, rather than as the reason for his love.

PurpleMinionMummy · 25/12/2017 11:43

If he said it exactly that way, I’d take it as a way that he just believes that having had 4 kids with you proves how much he loves you, not that it’s the reason behind him loving you

This.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 25/12/2017 11:44

I’m with @furry too!

Greyponcho · 25/12/2017 11:47

Furry has hit the nail on the head here!

Prusik · 25/12/2017 11:48

I wonder whether you're feeling a little insecure generally op? I love DH because he's the father of my children and for many other reasons. I'm having a second baby with him in a few weeks and can imagine myself saying that to him. Equally, I imagine DH loves more than anyone as he has picked me to be the mother to his children. I think your dh was being nice

ragged · 25/12/2017 11:56

It sounds more lighthearted than OP took it.

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