To think my ex in laws are ridiculous

[MotherOfDragons22]

I was planning on having the kids all day this year. We have since changed it to do the same as we did last year, i have them for the morning, and then off with their dad to his parents house.

Whilst it was going to me having them the full day, I was informed that the EPILS were 'not happy' about this arrangement, and that it was lucky i changed my mind as exp's dad was gonna come round and 'have a word'? I'm 8 months pregnant so I am fairly certain I would have snapped back. AIBU?

The word is EX they have no right to tell you what to do.

I know yeah! I laughed when I got off the phone, me and ex had sorted it out amicably and asked the DC what they would prefer! 'Not happy' I ask you!

They've no right to tell you what to do.

How I reacted would depend on the situation.

Ex desperately pleading for half of the day and you saying no to spite him and then his Dad coming round to say "look ex-lovely-DIL, is there no way the day can be shared because my son is gutted" would be poking their nose in, but not ridiculously offensive.

Coming round to your house to shout the odds about something that you and the children's Dad had decided together would be ridiculous.

None of their bloody business. Plans for contact at Christmas and every day of the year are between you and you ex. Who "informed" you of what they said? Tell whomever it was you're not interested in hearing anything else they have to say about you.

I hope you have a nice Christmas, congratulations on your pregnancy, pat yourself on the back for having ditched ex and his stupid parents.

I know for a fact he would shout, ex-Fil is not a calm person. Ex said can we split the day and I agreed. But even if I had said I want my children here this christmas, would that have been so wrong?

Ex himself told me what was said.

Hearing them slagging you off isn't necessary or helpful. It's perfectly reasonable to tell your ex his arrangements with his parents are his business and you don't want to hear about anything they have to say.

Separated parents have all sorts of ways of sorting Christmas, some split the day, some alternate each year, whatever works for all of you is what you do!

As such as his attitude was shitty, better he would be bothered if he didn't get to see them, my ils haven't seen dc for 3 years - their choice.
That is shit.

I'm sorry to hear that Tinsel.

Your ex is causing trouble when there doesn't need to be any.

He should have opened his mouth to them and told them to butt out. Not come to you telling tales.

What was the point of your ex telling you?

Sounds like a threat in some ways.

I feel that he has as much right to see his kids, and his kids to see him, as you do. So yes, keeping them for the whole day would have been u reasonable if he had wanted to spend time with them. And I’d say the same if it was the other way round. Ex PIL/FIL was a dick and his opinion and thoughts are irrelevant. Not helpful that’s ex told you, don’t see what it achieved at all.

It’s nothing to do with them and it’s fair enough to tell him that if he came to yours.

it was lucky i changed my mind as exp's dad was gonna come round and 'have a word'?

Would he bollocks! If he was going to then he would have done before you and ex agreed the split. After the fact bravado like drunk men saying what they would have done in a pub fight if they hadnt been held back

What was the point of your ex telling you?
Sounds like a threat in some ways.

I disagree. As they seem to get on well it sounds more like a "you wont believe what my dad said [eye roll]" rather than a threat or shit stirring. He has probably been getting and earbashing from them himself.

I think to answer your question, it would have been wrong to say no if their dad asked to have them for half the day. Unless of extenuating circumstances. You didn’t though so it doesn’t really matter. I don’t think it was wrong of your ex to tell you but I hope he would have spoken to his father. What an odd thing to say to someone. Telling them you will be round to “have a word” is weird. I wouldn’t even say anything back. I wouldn’t know what to say but you and your ex have it sorted between you, so it’s sorted and that’s the end of it rally.