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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate overnight guests

28 replies

Introvertpants · 15/12/2017 22:23

Just had dh sister invite herself to stay the night Xmas eve through to boxing day.
I'm working up to Xmas eve and was so looking forward to an invite Xmas eve and Xmas morning with dh and ds.
His dsis does have options to stay over at her parents but says she doesn't want to because they smoke and she's suddenly against the smoking.
She's coming to us for dinner with other family members but I've put my foot down and said no this is my Xmas too and I want some quiet time with dh and ds as I'm back to work on boxing day so don't have a lot of time to myself.
I now feel guilty and look like a nasty cow cause I've said actually we just want some quiet family time instead of having overnight guests. Aibu

OP posts:
Original poster
Introvertpants · 15/12/2017 22:24

Oh something went wrong with the post. That should have said was so looking forward to an intimate family Xmas with just dh and ds.

OP posts:
PaperdollCartoon · 15/12/2017 22:26

I get where you’re coming from, but I wouldn’t feel the same about close family staying. It’s christmas! Id just act the same as I normally would

DancesWithOtters · 15/12/2017 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itsnotmesothere · 15/12/2017 22:32

YANBU. I'd hate my SIL or anyone just inviting themselves though I guess it's not in the spirit of Christmas!

Splinterz · 15/12/2017 22:32

I presume you have an equal relationship and your DH also gets an opinion on how he spends Christmas? Or is it only your foot being put down that counts?

jemmstar1980 · 15/12/2017 22:33

I’d suck it up this year and then next year ensure dh is onboard that now one is staying over. Who said yes to her staying you or dh?

Original poster
Introvertpants · 15/12/2017 22:33

I'm doing Xmas dinner so going to be up to my eyeballs in it so was looking forward to enjoying it as much as possible aka peace and quiet. Farting burping eating like a pig crap tv and lounging. When I have guests I'm constantly on edge. It's my personality. I'm an uptight cow. An absolute delight in person though, nobody knows what a cow I am deep down.

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 15/12/2017 22:35

YANBU to be disappointed and no, she can’t just announce she is staying. If my sister asked I would say yes however therefore if she’d asked I would have let DH decide (I know for a fact he would never say no to my dsis staying so it would be only fair).

VladmirsPoutine · 15/12/2017 22:35

No. My family extends more to than just my husband and child. Maybe this is a MN thing as it seems very popular here to treat relatives as if they're invading cockroaches.

Original poster
Introvertpants · 15/12/2017 22:36

Dh feels the same but didn't want to be mean. I then said no it's our Xmas too. She does has options it's not like she has nowhere to stay. I just think you wait to be invited you don't invite yourself.
If he wants guests he can see to them.

OP posts:
Appuskidu · 15/12/2017 22:38

You don’t invite yourself to stay to someone’s house over Xmas-I think thts common courtesy.

mumofmany81 · 15/12/2017 22:42

Wow treat family as invading cockroaches is an extremely over the top comment just because someone doesn't want people staying over at Christmas. I love my family but I am still never able to fully relax when they are in my house because it's just not the same as being with your own husband and children. I don't think anyone should just invite themselves over to stay - it's really rude and I'm pretty surprised how many people seem to see the person who is uncomfortable with this as the unreasonable one. I work shifts and have very little time off over Christmas so it's nice to sometimes just have time alone with the children and I don't think that makes me unreasonable:-/

ladybirdsaredotty · 15/12/2017 22:44

YANBU. Similar situation here but it's my DP working Christmas eve and Boxing day (both do jobs where we work over Christmas, although I'm on maternity leave). We're having the day itself just us and the DC.

Oly5 · 15/12/2017 22:47

I agree that loads of people on mumsnet really seem to hate their families staying! It’s two nights fgs. She’s your sister in law. It’s christmas . All I can conclude is that you don’t like her very much.
I find all this “we want to be alone at xmas” rather sad tbh

TheBananaStand2 · 15/12/2017 22:52

Farting burping eating like a pig crap tv and lounging. When I have guests I'm constantly on edge. It's my personality. I'm an uptight cow. An absolute delight in person though, nobody knows what a cow I am deep down.

Ha ha, OP. This is me as well! Can you perhaps compromise and have sis stay on Xmas night but not Xmas eve?

Parker231 · 15/12/2017 22:56

You sound like you’re talking about strangers staying rather than family. With family staying you can relax, chat to them in your PJ’s and an extra adult to help with food preparation and entertaining the DC’s.

Surely family can come and stay anytime and don’t have to wait to be invited?

ReanimatedSGB · 15/12/2017 22:57

Thing is, the sort of people who invite themselves are the sort of guests who are generally the most trouble. They either meddle with everything, or sit on their arses expecting to be waited on.

PeonyBucket · 15/12/2017 23:00

You don’t invite yourself to stay to someone’s house over Xmas

It's not 'someone's' house though is it? It's her brother's house!
It's not like it's a casual acquaintance.
I realise all families are different. I'm glad I can be absolutely confident that I am always welcome in my brother's house, as he always is in mine.

jemmstar1980 · 15/12/2017 23:00

i would never unvite someone, it would not be worth the upset, DH should have discussed it with you or said no upon being asked. I totally get it I’m like a bladdy stepford wife when we have guess whislt the whole time thinking can I go to bed yet or what tracksuit bottoms could I get away with wearing, and wishing I was in my PJs eating chocolate like the lazy porky I really am.

ReinettePompadour · 15/12/2017 23:00

Is having people to stay really a thing? I've NEVER had anyone stay at my house misses the point of the thread

cathyclown · 15/12/2017 23:02

Overnight guests?

What is this nightmare please!

I would have to clean my house to within an inch of its life for that! But life is too short for that faff.

NO from me. I put guests up in a lovely little hotel close by and pay for it as a gesture. (worth every single penny). They can come round all day if they wish, but overnight... no, there is a rule here for that!

OP go with your instincts. You can bet your bottom dollar that if you turned the tables there would be ructions. Don't fret, do what is best for you and your family.

I go with what suits me now. But I hosted for years. Too tired now to bother anymore.

Merry Christmas.

JustHope · 15/12/2017 23:11

We have hosted Christmas and overnight guests for the last 10 years. This year it’s just us and DCs. I actually cannot remember a Christmas Day not running about after everyone, feeling exhausted and DH wondering why I hate Christmas Sad

caringcarer · 15/12/2017 23:15

I would agree 1 night but not 2. I would not want to stay with a house smelling of cigarettes so I understand where she is coming from.

Maelstrop · 15/12/2017 23:23

Invited herself? I just don't get hi own people can do that, foist themselves on others. I couldn't be so cheeky, I'd rather die.

Willow2017 · 15/12/2017 23:41

Nope i wouldnt want that either.
Never had anyone invite themselves to stay at any time never mind xmas. I have invited people to stay when it suits us all though. And i have never invited myself anywhere without knowing it was expected and mutually convenient.

I totally get you want some relaxing time before the madness of Xmas day.

Oh and make sure dh and the rest of them muck in and help xmas day. You shouldnt be running around after adults especially when you are working next day and they are sitting doing nothing.

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