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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that by 12.40pm I might be off duty?

18 replies

TheBigFatMermaid · 14/12/2017 00:51

I'm ok! It's ok really! Just need a little rant!

DD2, age 12 has always been a 'handful', had her assessed for ADHD and school said she was fine so no diagnosis, psych nurse even went to observe and said she was fine. I have since pulled her out of school due to bullying issues, not just children but the parents too.

She has calmed down loads.

Anyway, tonight it was clear she wa not going to settle, so DP was on the sofa and I came up to bed, giving her options! She cane up to her room, a positive! However at 12pm, her youtube was blasting out so I took her phone off her! Every minute is an argument so I am not a weak parent! AIBU to think by this time of night I should not have to be arguing?

OP posts:
bluesu · 14/12/2017 00:53

100% you shouldn't have to be arguing.
Sounds tough Thanks
I think you should make the rule no electronics in the bedroom after (say) 9pm. Not that that will miraculously solve all your problems but it's a start?

steff13 · 14/12/2017 00:54

Ok here's my ignorance of US v. UK; here in the US, midnight is 12am. Is it not 12am there?

And yes, that sucks. I don't have any advice. Flowers

Original poster
TheBigFatMermaid · 14/12/2017 01:03

12 pm, 12 am, we debate that often!

I'll settle for 40 minutes after midnight ! She has gone to sleep now but will wonder why I am grumpy in the morning!

Unlike a lot of HE families, we have a pretty strict rule of getting up in the morning when the 'boys' do, DP, who goes to work and DA who goes to school!

If I relaxed that, tomorrow night would be worse!

OP posts:
PinkJeggings · 14/12/2017 01:34

It isn’t a debate! Grin it’s the same all over the world.

And no, you’re NBU to want to be off duty by 12:40am

araiwa · 14/12/2017 04:18

Is 12.40pm your lunch break?

DoublyTroubly · 14/12/2017 05:45

Why on Earth is everyone pulling the op up on a little error she made mixing up am and pm, when she’s clearly already struggling with her DD? It’s such an easy error to make and one I hear all the time (going from 11.59pm to 12am is strange)

Hugs OP, I’m sure it all feels better in the morning

Can you set some strict rules with your daughter - after a certain time she has to stay quietly in her room with no electronic devices? She might well kick off about it but if you are strong and consistent, with relevant consequences, you can hopefully set up a good routine

AstridWhite · 14/12/2017 06:12

People with ADHD find it hard to unwind and sleep at the best of times. You should be routinely taking her phone off her and making sure she's not on any screen device of any sort for an hour before you expect her to sleep.

Children have so many sleep problems now because they are addicted to their phones and texting/social media and because the light emitted from their devices or even just a TV is stimulating their brains and not allowing them to shut down ready for sleep.

It won't be easy, it will be a battle but it's a battle you MUST have if things are to improve.

OneInEight · 14/12/2017 06:38

May be coincidence but we have found ds2's sleeping patterns have improved vastly since giving him vitamin supplements. Worth a try anyway.

justilou1 · 14/12/2017 06:43

I hate to point this out, but why does she have access to devices at night time? She's still a kid and it is well known that they keep them awake (Let alone online predation). If she's bored enough, she might sleep.

Original poster
TheBigFatMermaid · 14/12/2017 08:05

Yes, I know the phone isn't great but it was on the landing, you tube playing, not in her hand while she accesses social media. She doesn't have any of that.

We have tried everything, for a long time! She has never 'done sleep' in spite of no tv, no phone, vitamins, wind down, bath, lavender!

She has been better since I removed her from school, settling in her room for the most part without keeping others awake.

We have woken her this morning and have a busy day planned. I am exhausted but she seems her usual lively self!

OP posts:
DavidBeckhamsleftfoot · 14/12/2017 08:11

I home ed too and have the same rule, my daughter gets up when the schooled ones do. She's usually up earlier. I'd echo what other have said, removal of it entirely if she can't cope with the rules regarding it.

Mine has cds to listen too, it's a bit more soothing than a you tube video blaring out, would she accept that?

Original poster
TheBigFatMermaid · 14/12/2017 08:50

We have tried CDs, radio, relaxation apps before bed.

I took her phone off her last night and she isn't getting it back till tomorrow at the earliest!

Last night was the one evening she does not have an activity outside the home!

OP posts:
K0729P · 14/12/2017 10:04

If you are fighting a losing battle so to speak with her sleeping at the moment could you try giving her headphones to connect to her device?

Sorry if it's already been tried and failed though. Maybe she enjoys the arguing as well.

Original poster
TheBigFatMermaid · 14/12/2017 17:56

Headphones might be an idea, although if I was to pile all the Ines she has broken up.......

She really does enjoy arguing but I have been pretty tough on her today. She had been on the go pretty much non stop! School work this morning, helping with housework this afternoon. She has now gone to youth club, home for a quick dinner, then out to air cadets till 9.30! I accept she will not wind down quickly but expect her to be asleep by 11, well hope for!

OP posts:
PinkJeggings · 15/12/2017 00:39

I wouldn’t be putting a 12 year old in a group that doesn’t finish until 9:30. At that age they really need to be in bed and asleep by that time. I wonder if lack of sleep is affecting her difficulties?

blackdoggotmytongue · 15/12/2017 00:53

totally approve of air cadets for girls with suspected ADHD - a really good way to instil self discipline and give her the tools to learn to control behaviours. I know dealing with ds with ADHD that keeping him busy was vital, as he became restless and moody without stimulus. I know she's not dx.
Have you discussed it with her and asked her to come up with a plan? Give her the basic parameters (silent hours/ not disturbing the rest of the household/ including all academic parameters depending on HE methods etc) and ask her to help you formulate how it will work? (Not sure how much autonomy she has with education - if you tend towards the unschooling and youth making own decisions this is likely to be more successful than if you are essentially running a school programme from home)
The Teenage Liberation Handbook is interesting if you actually want her to exercise autonomy. Don't give it to her if you don't. Grin

Original poster
TheBigFatMermaid · 16/12/2017 19:19

PinkJeggings, I don't think she has ever slept by that time! It would be lovely to have that time to just maintain my relationship with DO, but that is not going to happen. It is nice to get a couple of hours without her, so DS gets attention!

Black, she responds so well to regimented things! She is doing so well in Air Cadets and also karate! We have started taking a karate like approach to instructions! Where they say 'Hi' as a response to hearing something, we get her to say 'yes'to confirm she has heard and understood! Her behaviour during the day ham improved dramatically since we started doing that!

I can so see her joining the military as an adult!

OP posts:
fidgettt · 16/12/2017 22:53

Investigate Melatonin OP?

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