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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To still give DC milk during the night

28 replies

melclaire1111 · 07/12/2017 15:04

Dc is 18 months old and will still wake for milk during the night. Usually once or twice, but will have a drink and usually go straight back to sleep.

Hubby decided that they really shouldn't be doing this anymore and that they should be sleeping through by now (they have slept through twice in 18 months, both times when ill and really needed sleep!) so we tried cutting out the milk this week. We also switched from a sleeping bag to a duvet in the cot.

First night wasn't too bad, a bit of moaning but DC did settle eventually (after an hour and a half of me trying to calm them down while hubby slept through it all)

Second night was awful, I think between me and DC we got about 4 hours sleep and then I had work and DC was at nursery the next day. Hubby again slept through the whole episode!

I don't think DC is ready to give it up yet, I really don't mind if DC has it as a comfort, and frankly as I work full time, I'm pretty much up for anything to get them back to sleep so I can go back. I also know that quite often in the night I wake up for a drink so I don't see why it's unreasonable to expect a child to do it, however hubby is insisting we carry on, but not as happy to volunteer to get up in the night.

Any thoughts...

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/12/2017 15:07

Hubby decided that they really shouldn't be doing this anymore and that they should be sleeping through by now...me and DC we got about 4 hours sleep and then I had work and DC was at nursery the next day. Hubby again slept through the whole episode!

Yeah, no. He gets a vote when he is willing to do the night wakings.

FWIW DD didn't sleep through until 2 yo and I went with it. Now she is the best of all her friends and has no issues whatsoever.

bettydraper31 · 07/12/2017 15:07

I think if this is your husbands idea he can wake up and sort your children out I’m afraid. 18 months is still fine to be having milk in the night I think, have you tried giving them water and weaning them off it that way?

But seriously... his idea, he can wake up. Xxx

thethoughtfox · 07/12/2017 15:08

Food isn't perhaps the best comfort habit for them. Could you try replacing the milk with water? It's not as harsh as just stopping it and he will stop bothering about having a drink in the night after a while. Remember the ultimate goal is for them to be dry during the night as they get older.

Kissisforpirate · 07/12/2017 15:09

My 2 and a half year old neice still wakes for milk at midnight. My son, same age stopped needing a night feed at 18 months. I think if they need it give it to them and do what is easiest for you. Esp if it's only you that is woken up!

Luxembourgmama · 07/12/2017 15:11

Mine is 19 months and still wakes once a night. Its hardly an option to say no she'd scream the house down.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 07/12/2017 15:11

For me, personally, I wouldn't want to be doing night feeds at that age, but that's me not you.

Absolutely outrageous of your dh to want to change things without doing any of the actual work involved.

Could you put them back into sleeping bags to see if that helps? Maybe changing too much at once? It took my ds a good while to decide he wanted a duvet, he was probably 2.

ZigZagandDustin · 07/12/2017 15:14

My third always woke for milk. She's just 2 now but she would scream the place down for it or take it and go instantly quiet and happy. So, it was a hard decision to stop. But she had teeth which I didn't want rotting in her head so at 15mths old I put my foot down and just switched it to a bottle if warm water meaning no milk on her teeth going to sleep and during the night.

It worked pretty well, she accepted the compromise and now rarely asks for it to do more than hold. I see she takes the odd sip or last night for the first time in ages she woke me to fill it with a bit more warm water but that's very rare.

It's not great for their teeth to be having milk in the night but other than that I think do whatever is easiest for you.

CoffeeBreakIn5 · 07/12/2017 15:15

Honestly, no I don't think an 18 month child 'needs' milk in the night. Don't offer milk when they wake, they're only waking for it out of habit which makes them think they need it.

Of course, loads of people will tell me I'm wrong. But if all nutritional needs are met during the day then they don't need milk in the night.

Your DH needs to be doing more to help! Breaking the habit is tough.

RockinRobinTweets · 07/12/2017 15:23

Only if you're brushing their teeth afterwards. They'll rot otherwise.

PennyMise · 07/12/2017 15:24

My little one woke for milk at night too until he was a little past two then naturally stopped. His teeth are fine. Are you using a bottle or a cup to feed? If a bottle, maybe think about switching to one of those Nuby no spill cups as it takes more effort to drink from there and the child doesn't want to drink as much. If you're the one doing all the night wakings, it's your decison - not your DH's- about what gets you through the night. My sympathies - my DH is similar (including judging when it's time to sleep through) so feel free to pleasantly say "When you do the night shift, you can make the decisions." and carry on...

hedlesschicken · 07/12/2017 15:46

My daughter is 3 and has water next to he in bet. She only gave up her milk about 3 months ago at night.

I love it how you husband instigates and then stays asleep all night. I bet your impressed

Eltonjohnssyrup · 07/12/2017 15:49

Have you tried giving a dummy instead? I know some people don't like them but it might work.

LollyLarkin · 07/12/2017 15:51

My DS is 2 next week and I now only give him water in the night, he wakes up most nights at least once and is surprisingly thirsty. To get him off the milk I watered it down each night over a week or so, making it weaker and weaker and then just gave him water. To my amazement he took it with no complaint and went back to sleep!

KindergartenKop · 07/12/2017 15:52

Replace milk with water. They won't bother after a while.

LouHotel · 07/12/2017 15:54

I think you know your husband it being out of hour. If you both work full time then unless your breastfeeding he should be doing half the nights.

He gets a vote when he earns it.

DontFundHate · 07/12/2017 15:58

Read the gentle sleep book. Waking at night is perfectly normal, having milk is fine. No one can decide but your child :)

etzy · 07/12/2017 15:59

My 2.5 year old still wakes up for milk. She used to do a few times a night, and it took me 2 months of waking up with her and her screaming for an hr or so to get rid of some feeds. Ive tried giving water, that did not help. I've given up. Now she wakes up for a feed around 11, I just give it to her and everyone goes back to sleep. Don't have it in me to let her cry like that. It's cruel! Eventually they will sleep thru. Some kids r just not ready and it's best to go with the flow.

Ur hubby should try waking up and being with Ur child whilst poor baby is screaming all night and figure things out for himself.

ZigZagandDustin · 07/12/2017 16:03

Not waking at night is also normal and not giving milk at night often lead to that. So that's fine too! It's about what you want OP. I personally am not up for night time wakeups as part of our routine beyond about 10 months. I've too many little kids to go with it.

tiredybear · 07/12/2017 16:08

if it's milk from a bottle, rather than boobing, you could try watering it down gradually more and more so they gradually get used to not being hungry in the night. Having said that, there's a pretty big (in my case anyway) sleep regression around 18m, then 2y so it may not be the best time to try and change the routine!

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/12/2017 16:09

Tbh id not be up for giving am 18 month old milk at night either as there's no real need for it.

However mine were bottle fed so I guess that's probably different

However

If your dh is not going to help out or do anything to sleep train then he can't really complain at what you are doing. If it really bothered him that much hed be doing more

notfromstepford · 07/12/2017 16:15

Mine is 21 months old. Sometimes he sleeps all the way through, but if he's growing or hasn't eaten that much during the day, he wakes up for milk once a night, sometimes twice. I think out of 12 nights - he'll wake up for 8 of them. I give him milk, he falls back to sleep and it's not a problem.
DS1 was around 2ish when he gave up milk in the night. They'll do it when they're ready IMO. If you have to do all the night stuff (like me) then go with whatever is easiest for you and your DC. Getting 4 hours broken sleep then working full time is a killer!

Prusik · 07/12/2017 16:17

I'm finding this thread interesting. Ds is 11 months and still has 1 feed per night. I can't see it stopping any time soon but are expecting a newborn when he is 13 months. Weight gain has been an issue for him though so I don't know whether i feel comfortable stopping the night feed

53rdWay · 07/12/2017 16:25

however hubby is insisting we carry on, but not as happy to volunteer to get up in the night.

What on earth is his justification for that? Tell him to jog on. Person dealing with the night waking calls the shots.

dantdmistedious · 07/12/2017 16:33

I think I’d be worried about teeth more than anything.

Turkkadin · 07/12/2017 17:25

An 18 month old child should be having 3 meals a day plus milk and healthy snacks. They don't need feeding in the night aswell. They are waking out of habit and sometimes thirst.

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