To un invite him

[inmyshoos]

Split from husband end of last year but he only eventually moved out (waiting for mortgage Tec delayed things) 5 months ago. So this is first Xmas living apart. We have dc 10/12. I said originally he could come to me for xmas dinner but tbh he has been such a shit lately I don't want him there. He is hardly seeing the kids and constantly 'has plans'.

I would rather he wasn't there for dinner. It will be awkward and weird. But a few .mutual friends have suggested he 'Really needs to be there to have dinner with the dc'. I feel like I owe him fuck all tbh. I'm currently having to really push for him to make time for his kids.

AIBU to uninvited him??

YANBU. You don't owe him your Christmas day....he isn't being nice so he can't come.

Tell him to make other plans. Do your DC know he's meant to come?

Nah sod that, start as you mean to go on lovely
Everyone has to earn respect, don't make your first Xmas a shitty stressful one 💐

Sounds like there's a chance he might bail and further upset the kids so I'd just say he's no longer welcome on Christmas Day and offer him an alternative time when he spend time with the kids (away from you so he can take them out somewhere).

Agree. Don't spoil the Christmas dinner with him being there. From what you have said, he may well play power-games about whether he'll turn up anyway.

Would your DC be upset?

If not, I would tell him to F off to the far end of F*. And when he gets there .........

I would though think carefully if your DC are expecting him to be there.

Uninvite him. Tell him he can have the kids boxing day

Tell him you have changed your mind and it is not such a good idea after all. Is there any reason they can't go to his for xmas tea?

They can't go to his because he can barely boil an egg and they won't want to. He has made very little effort with them recently and they are reluctant to go to his because they get 'bored'

Yes they are expecting him at ours for dinner but if he said he was working/spending it elsewhere get won't be too bothered. If I said he wasn't invited and he did his 'poor me' performance then they'd be upset.

I'm really hoping he has met someone. Then he will spend Christmas with them. They will become his priority is imagine.

Argh typos!!! Sorry on phone and it has a mind of its own!!!!

Not a chance. There's a new normal now and you'll all get used to Christmas being part of that. It was a nice offer, which he's now making impossible for you to carry out by being a selfish tool.

Even if you did spend the day all together this year, what about next year and the one after that?

Tell the DC it's normal to alternate Christmas day when Mum and Dad have different houses and (but don't commit to anything) maybe next year they can go to his house. Birthdays, Christmas, all those things are going to be different now, but not necessarily worse, and the sooner you put some boundaries up the better.

Absolutely cancel/rearrange.
I would mesaage him asking him to confirm his plans for Christmas and when he will be seeing the children -it is possible as he has been so shit he has made other plans anyway. If he says he is coming to yours say that you have made other arrangements now as he hasn't made any contact about it.

I just think he has been so unhelpful/inflexible and pretty bloody selfish of late and to have him over for Christmas dinner would really stick in my throat.
I'm loathed to start an argument with him however. He is very good at the whole emotional blackmail and making the kids feel sorry for him which is infuriating. I'm almost tempted to change my plans and go away for Christmas just to avoid having him here but then I'd be annoyed at myself for not just telling him to piss off elsewhere!