Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was personal

17 replies

fudgeice · 05/12/2017 20:20

Relocating due to abusive relationship. I sometimes work for an agency and they rang up today with details of work after Christmas and I said I was actually moving, but thank you. They said "oh why are you moving THERE"

aibu to think this was quite personal?

OP posts:
Aridane · 05/12/2017 20:21

No, not really - just conversation?

Pickleypickles · 05/12/2017 20:23

Not really, especially not if your moving to a different town/city

Mumof56 · 05/12/2017 20:25

No. They might want to know if you'll be looking for work in the area that they could help you find. If you were moving there for a new job, they'd be out of luck

Original poster
fudgeice · 05/12/2017 20:26

well no it definitely wasn't for work reasons - it was just being really nosey and felt quite intrusive

OP posts:
Ragwort · 05/12/2017 20:29

Why let it bother you, maybe it was 'personal' (although surely any direct question is 'personal'Confused), maybe they just wanted to know where /why you were moving in case they had more work to offer you.

I appreciate that it sounds though you have been through a difficult time but no need to get wound up by a straightforward question.

Original poster
fudgeice · 05/12/2017 20:31

It couldn't be for work. It's a locally based agency. So they were asking because they wanted to know, and this was nosey

OP posts:
Mumof56 · 05/12/2017 20:32

If you work for them presumably they already have your address, social security number and date of birth.

SendintheArdwolves · 05/12/2017 20:34

Umm, I suppose technically it does fall under the literal definition of "personal". But I don't think it is a) unbelievably outrageous or b) something you are under any pressure to give a full and complete answer to.

I can see why it feels that way, since the reason is so traumatic. But the asker didn't know that - in fact, if someone tells you they're moving, it's actually considered a bit rude not to say something along the lines of "oh really, why's that?" or "Oh, do you have family there?" or something along those lines.

I'm sorry you're going through this OP - put that person to the back of your mind and concentrate on bigger things. And maybe prepare a polite lie to use next time you're asked - "I fancied a change", "I love the area", "Moving to be nearer friends/family", just something vague and conversation-ending.

MsWanaBanana · 05/12/2017 20:46

Ffs what is up with all these ridiculous threads today on mn? Get a grip people

Glumglowworm · 05/12/2017 21:35

YABU

They’re making conversation. They have no way of knowing your reasons are personal. Most people would be moving for family or job/partners job, or cheaper/better housing, all things you would freely discuss with a stranger. They won’t be the last people who ask either, it’s a pretty standard question when someone relocates. If I were you I’d practice a non-personal and vague response so you’re ready when the next person asks.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 05/12/2017 21:39

Well, if you are moving from a nicer area to a less nice area, a person who had an unfortunate brain to mouth relationship might say oh why are you moving THERE and then be kicking themselves later as they realise that no-one makes a move like that because everything's peachy. They are probably cringing at the memory of saying something so insensitive. Surely you've done things like that yourself?

MaidOfStars · 05/12/2017 21:44

So, you must have said something like ‘Sorry, no, I’m moving to X’ (in order for them to know what/where X was)? Isn’t it quite normal to ask why, in general conversation?

JustHereForThePooStories · 05/12/2017 21:47

YABU

“I’m moving to London”
“Oh, why are you moving there?”

How is that personal?

Allfednonedead · 05/12/2017 22:01

Hah! I totally empathise, because I have been exactly in that situation, but they did nothing wrong.
When you are in the middle of such an awful, traumatic situation, you are incredibly emotionally vulnerable - I felt like I was missing several layers of skin.
15 years on from my flaying, I'm able to look back and think that asking students at a evening language class to talk about why they are taking the course is not an unbelievably intrusive question, just another pointless exercise.
But at the time, I was so furious I dropped out of the class, which was meant to be part of me getting my life back.

kaytee87 · 05/12/2017 22:04

I'm sorry you've had to survive an abusive relationship Flowers I think you're being over sensitive though, it's just a question. Good luck with the move.

StressedtoHellandback · 05/12/2017 22:21

I don't think you should have told anyone where you are moving to. If moving away from Domestic Abuse you should be wary of giving any details to anyone. If you had no intention or no way of working for that company there was no need to mention a specific place. Every scrapof information given is a risk to being found

confusedlittleone · 06/12/2017 16:22

Local agencies often have contacts in bigger places as well

New posts on this thread. Refresh page