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AIBU?

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Original poster

To keylogger dds phone?

15 replies

Phonewoes · 03/12/2017 02:04

Really not impressed at the moment. Dd has become friends with a kid who quite frankly has serious issues and dd has been dragged into her world. I found some stuff on her phone I'm really not pleased about.

She needs a phone due to the length and changes on bus journey and at this moment in time I haven't the spare cash to buy a basic no frills phone although I will be doing.

She had pattern locked it but didn't realise each time they fell asleep watching YouTube it was still open for access so I could check it.

Obviously she have figured this out now as they have pattern locked every single app.

I'm going to enforce unlocking tomorrow and pin being known but I know she will change it again as soon as she has a chance so aibu to ask about keyloggers

OP posts:
JustAPlasticBag · 03/12/2017 02:09

Personally I think you're not tackling the main issue here - the girl in question who you say is dragging her into her 'world', which I'm assuming isn't healthy. Tackle that issue first. If you can't trust her to have a phone then I'm unsure what buying a 'no frills' one will achieve, she will still be able to txext / call this girl?

Original poster
Phonewoes · 03/12/2017 02:24

I am tackling the initial issue too. Have had school/senco involvement. A lot of what she is accessing is via apps such as Tumblr, whatsapp, snap chat etc which a no frills phone wouldn't have. She can still text but it would be harder to hide.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 03/12/2017 02:25

How old's your DD?

Controlling a 12 YO's phone is obviously going to be totally different to having access to a 16/17 YO's.

CactusJelly00 · 03/12/2017 02:27

Hi op.
When you say you've found some stuff you aren't pleased about - what is it?
Sorry if you don't want to say but it might help people give you better advice.
Tbh no I wouldn't put a keylogger on anyone's phone... if it was bad enough to be considering that I would also have been to the school, police and SS about whatever's going on.... but that's just me

Original poster
Phonewoes · 03/12/2017 02:43

14 Agent

Cactus I don't really want to say much but basically it relates to my dd being encouraged to behave in a certain unhealthy way by another child.

It's being monitored at school and at home so they are using the time in between home and school but my dd is quite vulnerable. There are people involved. Safeguarding are involved with the other child.

OP posts:
CheshireChat · 03/12/2017 03:00

Can you remove internet access? My son's tablet can be put on aeroplane mode and it needs the PIN to take it off.

Is she on a plan or PAYG?

AgentZigzag · 03/12/2017 03:03

Gah, 14 is such a weird age regardless of anything else going on.

Only my opinion (have DDs of 17 and 8) but I would make it clear to her that you have total access to everything on her phone at all times, or she doesn't have the phone.

She shouldn't be able to get onto all those sites without someone looking over her shoulder, there is no privacy for 14 YO on the internet and she shouldn't be thinking she can lock you out of her fucking phone, the cheeky baggage!

She seems to think that she's got more say over what she does than you do.

A keylogger is maybe a bit softly softly IYSWIM? Whereas I would be totally up front that you're entitled to see what she gets up to on the phone and she doesn't get a say in it.

Ceop is an excellent site and very helpful if you're looking for any advice.

(disclaimer: I know it's easier said than done, they get up to all sorts even when you're watching, if she doesn't get access to those sites on her phone she'll get it elsewhere, she has to learn how to keep safe on the net, you can't bar them from it as it's a part of their reality nowadays etc etc etc got the mug/tshirt/coaster/fridge magnet)

CactusJelly00 · 03/12/2017 03:59

I'd recommend in this case that you
Remove her 3G/4g and lock her out of the wifi/change the password. You can contact the provider and request that she only has text and calls.
Random text/call spotchecks. Don't give her time to delete anything if possible.
Remove her mobile when she gets home from school, keep it somewhere safe and charge it up for her to give to her in the morning before she leaves for school.
If you're already engaged with the appropriate services keep doing what you're doing on that front.
What you can also do is block this other child's number, if the network provider will allow it, or if you can find a way to do it on her phone (without her knowing how to undo it, which makes it pointless).
Complete lockdown, but she can still text and call you on the bus if needed.
But I certainly wouldn't install keyloggers, sorry but that just seems so... underhanded, to me. And achieves nothing anyway if she's still doing what you're worried about and if she's good with mobiles and tech and you're not too hot she'll likely be able to junk it anyway if you use any commonly used keylogging apps.

CactusJelly00 · 03/12/2017 04:01

If you can manage all of those things,
So extremely limited phone use
Blocking the other kids number
No internet access at home or when out and about for dd (she may still have it at school) + no data, It will severely cull any time she can contact the other child, and at school they should have at least some degree of supervision...

Original poster
Phonewoes · 03/12/2017 04:20

Thanks all.
No WiFi access at home as she cannot be trusted. Only able to access WiFi at weekends at grandparents as we stay over once a week. I am in the same room.

Phone is pay as you go and just calls.
I blocked the number but the child showed her how to unblock it.
She's accessing WiFi on the bus...

Airplane mode won't allow calls I'm assuming?

Will see if network can stop the number from their end, great idea thanks.

OP posts:
CactusJelly00 · 03/12/2017 04:22

If she has an iPhone you can put her into airplane mode and turn the network on but no wifi. It's a bit arse backwards but could work in this situation. That said, I wouldn't know if you can passcode the airplane mode on an iPhone

Original poster
Phonewoes · 03/12/2017 04:40

It's android sorry.
That said I was trying to follow some way of resetting the pin online via Google android device manager and have managed to lock her phone so might not be an issue now anyway.

OP posts:
prettypaws · 03/12/2017 04:43

I saw some of your previous posts, was there useful advice on there?

I'd take the internet off, but the issue is the underlying cause of your DDs behaviour and why she's seeking out this type of company (whatever that is). A no frills phone is under £10 in a supermarket. No amount of phone restriction is likely to resolve your DDs issues. If she's capable of travelling long distances alone and having a phone, is she able to understand what is happening and explore the issues together? What is your DDs take on the situation?

Spying on her will ruin her trust in you and that won't help her to feel understood, get closer to you, take your advice or confide in you. It'll push her further into the feelings that is compelling the behaviour in the first place.

DoublyTroubly · 03/12/2017 04:45

This phone is free at the moment and looks like it has very limited capability. It also comes with a free £10 top-up card (although it looks like it’s also unlocked so should accept her current card) www.carphonewarehouse.com/home/products/alcatel/onetouch-10-16g.html#!colour=black&dealType=pg

DoublyTroubly · 03/12/2017 04:46

Sorry, that’s boot very clear. It should say it comes with a free PAYG SIM card with £10 already loaded

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