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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell the to go to hell!!!!

27 replies

Wow2806 · 02/12/2017 22:04

That my ds has sent a demanding text to say she and her dh are coming for xmas but they wont eat out...(sometimes we do this)

She lives at the other side of the bloody country is never here for special occasions unless its for DM's birthday which is something IVE organised.. And doesnt contribute towards anything not evenputting a tenner toward the drinks bill,,,,

Her own daughter spends all her christmas's with us...

It was my DM's birthday early November.. I had arranged a meal for just the 2 of us.. But had to cancel as DSis decided to come up for it instead.. Found out 2 days before.. So mother deccided to cook for her own birthday... We arrived at Mother's on the day of her birthday armed with Giifts, fizz & chocs for a good get together.. As sister had arrived -- No-one was in I called mobiles etc no answer... We waited outside in the cold for a while then eft the gifts in a safe place and left... It was after work.. I had finished work early to get there is good time.. As my commute is a bloody nightmare and very tiring..

I got a phone call later that evening to say we are in now you can come round now --- I didnt... 2 days later there were lots of pictures on fb telling everyone what a fab afternoon they had had at the xmas markets... 20 minutes from were I work.. I could off finished early and gone to meet them had I been asked...

Apparently on that particular day Christmas Day was all organised signed and sealed.. And today Im just finding out about the bloody arrangements..

Dsis is skint so we are having a cheap xmas day at DM's house like it or lump it.

I would normally if eating at the mother's would give her some cash and take lots of fizz, luxury chocs and a bottle of premium vodka and whiskey

Nose is well and truely shove out of fucking joint...

I get the skint bit.. We have all been there.. Me especially... But she suddenly decides after all these years to spend xmas with us and suddenly starts calling all the bloody shots

OP posts:
Mooey89 · 02/12/2017 22:09

I’m a bit lost I’m afraid...

Mooey89 · 02/12/2017 22:10

I get the irritation over your DMs birthday but what’s the problem with not going out for Christmas Day?

cautiousoptimist1 · 02/12/2017 22:10

Sorry I don't understand....

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 02/12/2017 22:38

I kind of understand - I read your previous thread about the birthday lunch, which helps.

Your DM is allowing your sister to have everything her own way, even though up to now it's only been you who's made any effort. The two are maybe linked, your sis is the prodigal daughter who's returned (your mum hopes).

Do you have to go to your DM's on Christmas Day? And I mean do you HAVE to, not do you feel obliged to? Why not stay at home and enjoy your own family's day - with your niece if she wants to.

Willow2017 · 02/12/2017 22:44

Its not clear if sis is inviting herself to your or your mums.

If sge is demandi g uou give uo your planned xmas at home or goi g oyt for xmas dinner and fork out for her to eat at yiur or yiur myms then uts simple.
Tell her "No we have plans."

After her ruining your Mums birthday get together and your mum going along with it and excluding you completely I wouldn't be inclined to spend xmas day with either of them tbh.
Why would you let her dictate how you and your family spend xmas?

Eltonjohnssyrup · 02/12/2017 22:46

Sorry, I'm with your Mum here. If your sister wants to come for Christmas but can't afford to eat out then doing it at your mother's is fine.

Could you imagine if there was a thread on here saying 'I haven't been to my Mum's for Xmas for years but I can this year. But now she says I can only go if I pay for an expensive meal out I can't afford because my sister says staying in is cheap and rubbish'. Really, the only fair thing your mother can do is have it at home with both of you. I don't really see why you being able to afford to buy expensive gifts when she can't is relevant either.

Willow2017 · 02/12/2017 22:48

Excuse typos.
If she is demanding you give up your planned xmas at home or your plans to go out for dinner and instead fork out for her to stay at yours or at your mums then its simple.

dangermouse7 · 02/12/2017 22:56
Confused
ADishBestEatenCold · 02/12/2017 23:01

You are completely unreasonable for referring to your mother as "the mother". Grin

She is not an object.

"I would normally if eating at the mother's would give her some cash"

BewareOfDragons · 02/12/2017 23:04

I remember the lunch thread. Your sister sounds like she's calling the shots, and your mum's afraid to upset her. Sorry, but you can't win here. I wouldn't throw in and cater her to her, though. Spend Christmas how you want, even if it means not going to your mum's if your sister will be running the show.

ButchyRestingFace · 02/12/2017 23:10

You are completely unreasonable for referring to your mother as "the mother". grin

She is not an object.

"I would normally if eating at the mother's would give her some cash"

If she’d substituted that for ”the mummy’s”, this thread could have taken an entirely different turn...

As it is, if that wasn’t a typo, perhaps OP is Irish?

teaandtoast · 02/12/2017 23:17

Not sure I've fully understood...but why don't you have Christmas at home?

KeepServingTheDrinks · 02/12/2017 23:20

I get there's a backstory which I don't know, but you don't have to go to your mum's for Christmas. You can have a Christmas day at home with your family (maybe popping in on your mum for part of it, or maybe them popping to you) and you don't need to tell them to go to hell.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/12/2017 23:23

I think it's perfectly possible that "the mother's" is a typo, or maybe regional, but not a reason to call someone U!

I get why your nose is out of joint - you've been pushed out to because your sis has decided to turn up out of the blue (pretty much), and no one is considering your thoughts, plans, feelings at all.

However. It's Christmas. Are you going to refuse to go to your mum's because she's there? Or are you just going to pull back on the amount of stuff you take with you because of freeloading sister who doesn't help? See, I totally get why you'd want to do that as well, but in the end, you do it to help your mum, so wouldn't you still do that for her?
Mind you, if I'd been left out of this whole plan, I'd be feeling a bit sore with her too - unless your sister has form for railroading your mum and she really had little to no choice in the matter!

Your sis isn't aiming to come and stay at yours, is she? That would be an instant "No" from me.

Gemini69 · 02/12/2017 23:29

Why are you allowing your DSis to dictate how YOUR Christmas Day should evolve.... whether it's at home or at a restaurant is irrelevant... she's a fucking TWAT....

stop allowing this person to control your entire calendar .... Just say NO Flowers

LondonGirl83 · 02/12/2017 23:35

YABU-- your sister can spend Christmas with her family even if she normally doesn't and if she is skint its fine for your mother to agree not to go out so your sister can participate.

Not sure why you are angry that they weren't home if you hadn't previously agreed what time things were meant to start...

Jux · 02/12/2017 23:41

It's just like the prodigal son! How biblical Grin

Witchend · 02/12/2017 23:46

If sge is demandi g uou give uo your planned xmas at home or goi g oyt for xmas dinner and fork out for her to eat at yiur or yiur myms then uts simple.
I think your computer is making a bid to become Enigma Grin

Protectingmydaughterfromfilth · 03/12/2017 00:10

Sorry I tried three times to read your OP. I must be over tired but I couldn't take it in x

letsdolunch321 · 03/12/2017 08:20

I agree with poster Eltonjohnssyrup

Just enjoy christmas whatever the arrangements are

DancesWithOtters · 03/12/2017 08:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlternativeTentacle · 03/12/2017 08:42

Apparently on that particular day Christmas Day was all organised signed and sealed.. And today Im just finding out about the bloody arrangements.Dsis is skint so we are having a cheap xmas day at DM's house like it or lump it.

Groundbreaking idea, but why not just not go?

GinUser · 03/12/2017 08:48

Their Christmas is signed and sealed. Why not make your own arrangements?

Angrybird345 · 03/12/2017 09:13

Do your own thing then!

PorklessPie · 03/12/2017 09:41

How come her daughter spends every Christmas with you?

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