Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To think dhs behaviour is ridiculous

22 replies

honeycaramelbiscuitfudge · 02/12/2017 19:23

Dh makes a big thing of "family weekends" and it is getting more intense as Christmas approaches. We are going to national trust places and farms and seeing reindeer and lovely things.

Except we arrive, sometimes driving for a couple of hours, get there and within an hour or so he's muttering about wanting to go home. It's as if he just wants photo opportunities. It really annoys me and is very frustrating for the children. I'm not bring unreasonable, am I?

OP posts:

Nicpem1982 · 02/12/2017 19:26

No yanbu my bil does this with dn we went to the science museum in London for the day and after an hour he was good to go, it was directed photos and uploaded straight to FB and then he was moaning to go home... .. Very annoying

EssentialHummus · 02/12/2017 19:31

Speak to him in advance about your expectations.

Ttbb · 02/12/2017 19:31

Just go in two cars next time and tell him to leave when he starts next time?

Original poster

honeycaramelbiscuitfudge · 02/12/2017 19:34

We don't have two cars. I have tried speaking to him about it but got nowhere.

OP posts:

mumonashoestring · 02/12/2017 19:35

Have you asked him what it is he's hoping for? If he's doing it because he feels like he should? Because he thinks it's the done thing? Is he trying to force himself to do things he really doesn't want to do because he knows you and the kids enjoy it? Or does he just have a total mismatch between what he thinks the day will be like and what it's actually like (e.g. he likes the idea of a nice family day out but he's tired, hungry, hates crowds?)?

MatildaTheCat · 02/12/2017 19:37

DH has form for trying to leave outings earlier than I want to. So I do tell him in advance roughly how long I would like to say and whether a meal will be included etc.

Quite ridiculous and irritating to travel all that way and race round and leave in an hour. My methods do seem to have worked a bit.

Original poster

honeycaramelbiscuitfudge · 02/12/2017 19:39

I don't know. I will talk to him and say look, it's stupid us driving for an hour and a half so let's make a day of it. Yes, yes. Then we get there and he's cold or its crowded or something.

Today we were at a national trust place, half an hour walk then I managed to persuade him to go to the cafe and the kids wanted to play. But he moans so it's hard to enjoy yourself.

OP posts:

ohtheholidays · 02/12/2017 19:51

Go without him!

That's what I used to do (when my ex husband was being an arse)with my 2DS,I didn't drive but I managed to take them on coaches a few times so we could go on days out that were further away.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 02/12/2017 19:53

Tell him you’ll only go if you have a full 4 hours there with no moaning

HappenstanceMarmite · 02/12/2017 19:54

e.g. he likes the idea of a nice family day out but he's tired, hungry, hates crowds?)?

Ha. That's me all over 😱😂

Straycatblue · 02/12/2017 19:59

Is he uploading the photos to social media?

ie is he just trying to show everyone what an amazing life/amazing dad/husband he is but the reality is quite different?

deste · 02/12/2017 20:03

At least you get to where you were going. My DH will usually within half a mile of the intended destination decide to turn off and go somewhere else.

Creambun2 · 02/12/2017 20:03

Are you middle class OP?

Annelind · 02/12/2017 20:06

Ah! is it the phenomenon of 'The Fun Filled Facebook Family' he wants to portray, with minimum input from himself?

Sparkletastic · 02/12/2017 20:07

Does he Fakebook the pictures? If so start making caustic comments on them e.g. 'shame you could only stand it for an hour'
'Was having a great time until you dragged us all home'
'Amazing that we had time to take any pics before you got bored'
Etc.

TheOriginalNNB · 02/12/2017 20:10

That’s really annoying behaviour, OP.

Lots of people are slightly obsessed by the whole ‘family time/weekend’ thing , aren’t they?

I think it just raises expectations and if it doesn’t follow the prescribed script, everyone feels a bit let down. More ‘forced’ fun, if you like

JaneEyre70 · 02/12/2017 20:10

I'd refuse to get involved in it. Let him take the kids and say it's too rushed/stressful to enjoy so you're not going.

MothertotheLordsofmisrule · 02/12/2017 20:10

My friends husband is like this.

When they were at the reward chart stage for the kids, she got him a star chart and he got a star for every trip where he didn't whinge about being hungry, being miserly over the cost of food for the kids and thinking up spurious excuses to get a refund on entry costs🙄

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 02/12/2017 20:38

It sounds as though most of your weekend is spent strapped in the car. No fun for anyone.
He's being ridiculous and for all the money driving miles and paying entry to these places, you could probably get a second car!

Just do short local outings.
A walk in the woods for 1/2 an hour or kick a ball about, go swimming or something.
All play a board game indoors, make a cake.. family time doesn't have to be a Big Outing. That would be more fun for everyone and suit dh's short attention span better.

Original poster

honeycaramelbiscuitfudge · 02/12/2017 22:18

Thank you. I think he likes being social media king but it is annoying!

OP posts:

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 03/12/2017 11:57

Good Lord if he's just doing it for his media profile perhaps you can buy him some fake backdrops for Christmas- a farm, a picture of the London Zoo sign, a winter wonderland, a scenic lake.
You can pose for the photos and enjoy the rest of the weekend relaxing at home.

ChinwagCharlieBear · 03/12/2017 12:03

YANBU. You should spend at least the travelling time there and back there imo.

Have you found out what it is about it he dislikes? Expense at national trust cafes? Take your own picnic. Not much you can do about crowds though.

If the kids enjoy their selves I would tell him to leave and pick me up later if he was ruining our day.

Flip