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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband backs mil every time over me

22 replies

fia101 · 01/12/2017 20:11

Nothing new but hurtful. Picked my kids up my tonight and she wasn't her usual self. She put the car seat outside the backdoor and shut the backdoor leaving me to put kids in car when she'd usually help. Just not usual.

I text my husband to say it was strange and he comes back and says it must be my fault.

Every time it's my fault.

He should've married his mother.

OP posts:
Tinselistacky · 01/12/2017 20:14

If she helps with childcare I would sort our other arrangements. And remind dh who he made his vows to. Or suggest he moves back to hers.

Original poster
fia101 · 01/12/2017 20:16

Good idea. His mother is a lovely workman and he loves her to bits - all her sons do but 2 of them always put her before their wives. Just basic support.

He really should've married her.

OP posts:
Chaosofcalm · 01/12/2017 20:18

Read toxic in laws and then get your DH to read it. The book explains the impact of toxic in laws on your marriage.

Areyouready · 01/12/2017 20:21

Ok, so not her normal, helpful self. Have you texted her to ask if everything is ok as she seemed a bit out of sorts? Maybe she's worried about something, feeling unwell, exhausted, pissed off with you.
Unless you ask her, you wil never know, unless your DH is also a mind reader

MayFayner · 01/12/2017 20:22

Grin at lovely workman

Agree with pps OP. Stop using her for childcare and just cut down contact as much as you can. And challenge your DH every time he dismisses your feelings on the matter.

timeisnotaline · 01/12/2017 20:23

Hmm I'd struggle with this. Yy to texting her if she's usually ok but I'd have a go at dh. He can pick them up if seeing you is such a risk.

Original poster
fia101 · 01/12/2017 20:50

She doesn't have a mobile and to be honest my esteem is so low I expect her to have a go .

Just think husband relies on his parents too much. They take them to school twice a week and one on an afternoon.

Husband on beers tonight and I'm out of the house working from 7.30am til 7 everyday so he took kids to his parents so he could go out drinking before I got home at 7.

I assume she was just really tired. Youngest was crying when I got there.

OP posts:
Areyouready · 01/12/2017 20:54

You must be exhausted working 12 hours a days, 7 days a week.
But maybe your mil is exhausted too, and feels taken advantage of.
Is she retired or working too?

HouseworkIsAPain · 01/12/2017 21:06

Could she be annoyed that your DH took the DC to her to look after? Maybe she’s annoyed with him but doesn’t know how to express it, other than be grumpy when you collect the DC.

HouseworkIsAPain · 01/12/2017 21:06

Also - if she is actually annoyed with your DH, he is telling you it’s your fault to deflect from him...

Original poster
fia101 · 01/12/2017 21:07

3 hour round commute and being pregnant doesn't help. Work super busy at the moment, we have 2 childminders who help but I think Friday night (she had kids for 1 hour) was probably too much. She doesn't work.

OP posts:
Original poster
fia101 · 01/12/2017 21:14

True - he stayed out overnight last week and again tonight. His mother would never criticise him. She'd criticise me.

Sorry just didn't need that tonight plus no support from dh as usual. He wants a step ford wife

OP posts:
Areyouready · 01/12/2017 21:15

It sounds like she's fed up with your DH and he's blaming you. Also why is he out on the beers when you are working 7 days a week, pregnant and sorting the kids out for bed?
He doesn't sound much of a support, to you, and it's not fair to put that one your MIL.

Original poster
fia101 · 01/12/2017 21:22

He has the kids from 5-7 before I get home and then as soon as get in I takeover and put them to bed etc and get everything ready for next day. I get them ready in the morning and breakfast and he drops them off.

OP posts:
Violletta · 01/12/2017 21:25

so apart from 5-7 what does he do?

yorkshireyummymummy · 01/12/2017 21:26

So you work for nine hours every day, plus you have a 90 minute each way commute? And you are pregnant? I think you have more to worry about than your MIL being off with you. What is your husband doing having another baby with you when you must hardly see the two you already have?? Is he working every day too??
Your MIL may be shattered and dreading having to look after another baby too.
I think you need to sit down with your MIL and find out what's wrong - she might be sick of your husband dumping the kids on her because he wants to go out.
And I have to ask, why are you having another baby with a man who does not support you , backs his mother every time against you and let's you work seven days a week which must mean you never get any meaningful time with the two kids you already have. It sounds like you already have three kids.........
Please try and talk to your hubby. He needs to step up a bit more in my old fashioned opinion so you don't have to work seven days a week. And he needs to stop blaming you every time his mother does or says something about you. He really doesn't sound great from what you have said.

Areyouready · 01/12/2017 21:30

So you are pregnant, doing the bulk of the care when you get in, and again in the mornings? Are you both working 7 days a week?
It sounds more like he is putting himself first, not his mother

Therealjudgejudy · 01/12/2017 21:44

Your problem is with your husband not your mil. But go ahead and have another baby with the selfish twat. I honest to goodness don't understand women like this. Why put up with such nonsense?

arethereanyleftatall · 01/12/2017 21:51

I would ask your mil why she shut the back door.

BoneyBackJefferson · 01/12/2017 22:36

Therealjudgejudy
Your problem is with your husband not your mil.

No the OP's problems are with both of them, lets not give one a free ride because of their sex.

Fishface77 · 01/12/2017 22:52

Your husband is a twat. HTH.

Taylor22 · 01/12/2017 22:55

You're looking for us to tell you it's OK to leave him.

You don't need our permission.

He sounds shit and you sound miserable.

You're already doing it all alone so lose the emotional leech.

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