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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

School Mum from hell!!

24 replies

donners312 · 29/11/2017 17:54

Last month i received a call from a Mum from school 'warning' me to tell my DD13 to stay away from X - apparently the girl was horrid, and had attacked her DD blah blah.

I stuck up for the girl said they can all be horrible and thought no more about it.

Fast forward 3 weeks my DD and the Mum from hell's DD have fallen out. Instead of leaving the girls to sort it out, the Mother went into school and told the head all my private business (think a single Mum who doesn't look after her children type thing - school told me she is very dangerous and i need to be careful, obviously they don't like her),

She showed messages to the school between my DD and hers fighting however the messages from her DD were sent from someone else phone and so she is denying her DD sent them (school know she did and said the mother knows every trick in the book) She also arranged playdates for the other girls excluding my DD and having coffee morning with X Mum to slag of my DD, so now X doesn't want to be friends with my DD.

I am shocked that a grown woman would interfere and engineer all this and that other Mums are getting sucked in by her.

School were pretty frank with me and did not have a high opinion of her but i feel like i can't defend my DD to the other mums without looking a twat so i just have to wait for it all to play out don't i?

Did that make sense? sorry!

OP posts:

Stoptherideiwannagetoff · 30/11/2017 08:10

Poor dd, that situation sucks not much you can do but just ignore the silly bitch ( or deck her - but that's not advisable... satisfying, but not the right thing) it WILL all blow over with the children, always does, but with a nut job narc mother like that her poor child doesn't have much of a chance to grow into a balanced human being

Tainbri · 30/11/2017 08:19

She really is a nightmare parent isn't she. I think every school has one and the fact that your school can see what she's like should tell you something. Sounds like It's not likely to just be your family she targets and she's likely to have form for it, so I expect it will blow over. Keep in touch with school over it and log anything as I had to get heavy with one mother making horrible comments directly to my DS and ended up having to report for harassment.

Babyblade · 30/11/2017 09:15

I have no useful comments - the woman sounds vile.

Anymajordude · 30/11/2017 09:33

I'm sure the other parents will realise what a twat she is sooner or later. Question is will they suck up to her for fear of getting rough treatment themselves. Encourage your DD to make other friends if she can.

yummumto3girls · 30/11/2017 09:37

Tell your DD to stay well away, what goes around comes around and the other parents will soon be on the receiving end and realise what a horrible person she is!

wasonthelist · 30/11/2017 09:40

just ignore the silly bitch ( or deck her

WTAF?

SandyDenny · 30/11/2017 09:45

Why can't you say something to the other mums?

I'd say tell them nicely to remember that there are 2 sides to every story and prehaps not to believe everything they hear from the other mum. They may well be aware of what she's like anyway but keeping thier heads down to avoid being the next target

MissionItsPossible · 30/11/2017 09:48

The only upside is if she is that vile then soon she'll run out of people to slag off and nobody will be sucked in by her anymore having been on the receiving end. She actually sounds pathetic and very childish, like she wants to be involved in teenage drama herself. Needs to grow up and get a life!

GuestWW · 30/11/2017 09:56

There is one in every school, I think, unless you live near me and we are thinking of the same woman. All the way through primary school it was the same. Sending you lots of patience and good vibes for your DD.

Corkscrewbetty · 30/11/2017 10:05

Don't wait for it all to play out. Get her sorted! Keep the high moral ground and tell her exactly what you don't like about the situation. It's one thing for thirteen year olds to be fighting, but are the mothers expected to go down to that level? Tell her in no uncertain terms that she's a bully and that if it carries on you will set up a meeting at the school to sort it out. Get her told. She sounds like a nasty piece of work. It's important to tell people to fuck off once in a while. Don't let it be a regret you have in the future. Get the bitch told.

Mittens1969 · 30/11/2017 10:07

I agree that very likely every school has one mum like this, and actually I'd feel sorry for her DD, as eventually she won't have any friends as the other children, and their parents, will be sick of all the drama.

In the meantime, keep reminding the others that there are 2 sides to every story and they shouldn't take this woman's word as gospel.

BerylStreep · 30/11/2017 10:21

tbh I'm surprised that you even see other parents at this stage. There was a fair bit of standing around school gates at primary school, but once they get to secondary school, your children's friends parents aren't usually really of any relevance, apart from ones who you remain friendly with.

Yes, I think you just need to tell your DD to stay well away from both the mother & daughter, and for her to make new friends. If the attempts at isolation within school continue, then take it from there.

We've all seen people like this (wonders if it is the same mother I know - it's her sort of style, but then I'm sure loads of people are wondering that). Quite frankly, if she repeats this to other parents, I'm pretty sure a lot of them will see her for the unhinged over-involved loon that she is.

I honestly wouldn't bother confronting her. She would revel in thinking she had got under your skin.

DJBaggySmalls · 30/11/2017 10:25

The first approach was a compliance test to see if you would go along with her. You refused to go along with her and thats why you are under attack now.
As for the school warning you she is 'dangerous' then they need to deal with her instead of turning a blind eye to any of it.

KimmySchmidt1 · 30/11/2017 10:33

You probably do have to rise above it. She will alienate herself and her DD from everyone by turns, people like that always do. They are never bright, you see, always thick.

ReanimatedSGB · 30/11/2017 10:36

Don't contact the mother: if there is any further impact on your DD let the school know - and if the mother pesters you any more then let the school know but tell them you will be informing the police (if the woman makes threats). Basically just ignore the wretched woman and report her behaviour as and when necessary. There is no point in trying to reason with people like this (also, completely ignoring them really annoys them and is actually quite satisfying.)

Original poster

donners312 · 30/11/2017 10:42

Just had a message from DD saying she wants to come home because none of her friends will speak to her and now they are all best friends with both Mums DD?

Oh god!!!!! I could do without this!!

OP posts:

Original poster

donners312 · 30/11/2017 10:43

thats should say the bitchy mums dd

OP posts:

Original poster

donners312 · 30/11/2017 10:43

Thank you all for your messages!!

OP posts:

jennawade · 30/11/2017 10:52

some people are just over-invested int heir kids lives and somehow can't accept that the kids are growing up and should deal with their own lives.

what can you do now? encourage your dd to make other friends inside and outside school and make sure that she has an active social life with other friends? Girls are so complicated - hopefully this will just be a bad day or 2 for her and then things will start to move on.

mum11970 · 30/11/2017 11:08

School told you what the other mother said about you and told you she was dangerous? Play dates at 13?

pickyourselfupandtryagain · 30/11/2017 11:08

Urgh ! Reminded me of a time, whilst I was in High school, myself and my friend at the time had an argument in our friendship group..which resulted in our friendship group not speaking to the friend. We were 13. The argument was so childish looking back.

Anyway, the mum of the friend who we'd fallen out with. Calls me on my mobile and demands to know "Why we weren't speaking to her daughter...". She then starts to insult me, use derogatory/racist terms...basically she was being a bitch. The mum then threatened me that if " I didn't speak to her daughter, she will get us and our friends excluded from the school " .

I told my mum and I literally had to force her to not do anything as she was very angry. I told a friend of ours about the mum situation...and you know how word of mouth spreads around. Nearing the end of the day, the whole of our year group knew what the mum said to me during our phone call. They all stuck up for me, the friend knew what her mu had said and I never heard of that parent again. Till this day I see her and she does't say anything to me .

Don't worry, soon others will know distance themselves from this mother .

knogBlinder · 30/11/2017 12:10

I don't believe this for a second.

There is no way the school would have said any of that.

BertrandRussell · 30/11/2017 12:12

The school told you all that? Really?

Clandestino · 30/11/2017 12:17

I can't imagine my DD's school telling me "Oh, we know her, she's a bit of a problem, best ignore her." and just try to swipe the issue under the carpet.

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